Helping my partner get debt free

GotPrincess

BabyStepper said:

I just want to clarify a few things - she has a Stepchange dmp to pay off a variety of debts, she owes her parents £5k and they're giving her a hard time about it, and you're thinking about lending her the cash rather than giving it, in the hope that she can have a fresh start, improve her mental health and pay you back in due course. Is that right?

If it is, then I'd say this.
1. Are you actually in a position to help her? What is your £15k for? A house deposit? Pension? Emergency fund? Can you afford to lose £8,750 of it? How quickly can you replace it? Basically, have you got a good handle on your own financial plan for life?
2. I agree with others that your girlfriend does need to feel the pain of debt in order to learn to budget and never go there again. I'd suggest you leave her to deal with the dmp. 
3. I advise not to borrow money from family as it messes with relationships - people get resentful and judgemental. Her parents sound like they're not supportive of her, adding to her distress and reducing her ability to deal with the problem. Since she already owes them, I suggest if you want to help her, you give her family their £5k to resolve that problem. As long as you are aware that since you're not married, your finances are separate and as others have said, if anything goes wrong with your relationship you will probably lose your money. You need to be ok with that, essentially giving her £5k and hoping it will come back. She may not be able to afford to repay you given her job situation, and it won't help your relationship if she misses payments and you start to get annoyed. 
4. Which leads me back to, can you afford to do that? How secure is your job? 
And also, you can help her in other ways than giving her cash. Be supportive, understanding, help her make a budget and stick to it, go on cheap dates, don't have a lifestyle much more affluent than hers, tell her how well she's doing. None of that costs money and is worth so much more in the long term. 

1) I believe I'm now in a position to help her due to my business being a big success the £15,000 is just sat around doing nothing really it increases each month on avg £2-£3,000 and I feel that helping her would offer her a clean slate in life as for losing the money it could happen would I miss it not really there's always more money in the world but happiness I find is dictated by ones position. In Short I have a business doing £20k a month revenue with good profits.

2) After speaking with parents they rather we tackle the DMP as thats what is a legal entity as such and the ball and chain round her neck, my gf is a serial buyer of absolute Garbage and I am getting her to cut back but shes very much of the I want it I have it generation again she could just go crazy and get loads more debt but judging by how she hates being in debt id think this unlikely

3) I wont get annoyed I couldn't care less Id rather she have a debt free start focus in the business and then when shes winning pay me

BabyStepper

'a serial buyer of absolute garbage' 
I guess that explains where the debt came from. Can she sell any of the garbage to make some money to pay off her debt?

Has she promised to stop buying stuff she doesn't need? She needs a budget and to learn to stick to it. Can you help her with that?

Sounds like you maybe want to rescue her and make it all go away quickly. This is not a criticism, it's a lovely thing, but she won't start the learning process if you take it all out of her hands. She'll need to go through it.

Previous advice still stands from me. Let her manage the dmp, pay off the parents then arrange a weekly/monthly repayment plan from her to you for that £5k. Even a tenner a month until she's back on her feet with work. She should still know how lucky she is to have a partner prepared to help, but without making it too easy. And she won't have to deal with her parents having a go at her. 

Good luck with it all.    

ryanm8655

Another thing to add on your business...things might be rosey at the moment but that may not last.

We’re in a period of massive economic uncertainty. Optimistic forecasts are now saying that the economy won’t return to pre-COVID levels of output until the end of 2021. That is without a second wave happening. Unemployment is on the rise and will keep rising, particularly when Furlough ends. All of which is going to impact on people’s finances and spending, hence potentially reducing demand for your products. 

What has happened to your sales since lockdown? I ask because there may have been an increase in online sales due to people having a bit more extra cash in the short term (no commuting) and spending more online out of boredom...

The worst is still to come for the economy in terms of people’s jobs and livelihoods.

In short, you may want to hang on to that cash.

Sea_Shell

So you want to replace a debt to her parents with a debt to yourself.  ?  

That's probably just going to put pressure on your relationship, instead of that with her parents!!

fatbelly

I'd let the dmp run.It should be interest free. It's less disposable income for her to spend on 'absolute garbage.' The damage to her credit reating is already done.

If she can save money over and above what she pats to stepchange (and that sounds like a big if) then she should be encouraged to do so in  the knowledge that you will help her (not financially) to bring her dmp to an end by making full & final settlement offers to her creditors.

BabyStepper

Sea_Shell said:

So you want to replace a debt to her parents with a debt to yourself.  ?  

That's probably just going to put pressure on your relationship, instead of that with her parents!!

He's said he'd rather help fix things with her parents, and that she owe the cash to him, and that he's aware it can effect their relationship but he is not so concerned if he doesn't get the cash back any time soon (or ever). Imo, he's a better bet for not increasing her stress about the debt. And it gets her parents off her back, doesn't sound like he'll hassle her about it. Just my thoughts. 

GotPrincess

BabyStepper said:

Sea_Shell said:

So you want to replace a debt to her parents with a debt to yourself.  ?  

That's probably just going to put pressure on your relationship, instead of that with her parents!!

He's said he'd rather help fix things with her parents, and that she owe the cash to him, and that he's aware it can effect their relationship but he is not so concerned if he doesn't get the cash back any time soon (or ever). Imo, he's a better bet for not increasing her stress about the debt. And it gets her parents off her back, doesn't sound like he'll hassle her about it. Just my thoughts. 

Pretty much spot on I am going to pay the parents and let her commit to the DMP, We have spoken about budget etc and were planning on moving in together at the end of the year, she knows things will be much different and she has learned the lessons already just the situation whilst not toxic at home with parents they let her know shes in debt to them etc not in a mean way just in a you know you know way.

Sea_Shell

Odinsbeardcare said:

BabyStepper said:

Sea_Shell said:

So you want to replace a debt to her parents with a debt to yourself.  ?  

That's probably just going to put pressure on your relationship, instead of that with her parents!!

He's said he'd rather help fix things with her parents, and that she owe the cash to him, and that he's aware it can effect their relationship but he is not so concerned if he doesn't get the cash back any time soon (or ever). Imo, he's a better bet for not increasing her stress about the debt. And it gets her parents off her back, doesn't sound like he'll hassle her about it. Just my thoughts. 

Pretty much spot on I am going to pay the parents and let her commit to the DMP, We have spoken about budget etc and were planning on moving in together at the end of the year, she knows things will be much different and she has learned the lessons already just the situation whilst not toxic at home with parents they let her know shes in debt to them etc not in a mean way just in a you know you know way.

As long as you're going into the next stage of your relationship with your eyes open.

Don't let yourself become her spending "enabler"!


Harsh, but we read about stuff like this too often on here.

monetxchange

Odinsbeardcare said:

BabyStepper said:

Sea_Shell said:

So you want to replace a debt to her parents with a debt to yourself.  ?  

That's probably just going to put pressure on your relationship, instead of that with her parents!!

He's said he'd rather help fix things with her parents, and that she owe the cash to him, and that he's aware it can effect their relationship but he is not so concerned if he doesn't get the cash back any time soon (or ever). Imo, he's a better bet for not increasing her stress about the debt. And it gets her parents off her back, doesn't sound like he'll hassle her about it. Just my thoughts. 

Pretty much spot on I am going to pay the parents and let her commit to the DMP, We have spoken about budget etc and were planning on moving in together at the end of the year, she knows things will be much different and she has learned the lessons already just the situation whilst not toxic at home with parents they let her know shes in debt to them etc not in a mean way just in a you know you know way.

But she is in debt to them. It doesn't sound like they're being unreasonable by perhaps reminding her of that, esp if they do so when they see her making bad spending choices etc. Part of the learning experience in getting yourself out of debt is owning up to your past spending mistakes. It sounds a little like she just wants it to be behind her and never mentioned again without any effort on her part. I worry that won't be any kind of lesson to her.

It sounds like you're determined to this so I wish you luck with it. I think the main thing you need to get sorted at the beginning is stopping the spending on absolute garbage immediately. If the I want it now attitude persists, the debt will be piled up again before you know it as spending habits won't change otherwise.

TheAble

Guy's free to do with his money as he wishes, ultimately.