Remortgage with telling husband about credit cards?

CC_Trouble

Our fixed term mortgage comes to an end in August and we would like to remortgage.

I have a ‘good’ credit score (according to my free Experian score) and we have lots of equity so shouldn’t have a problem getting a good deal, however I have credit card debt my husband doesn’t know about.

He earns 3 times what I do and he has already helped me clear credit cards once when they got out of hand, I didn’t mean to get back in this situation but have struggled to live within my means.

I am petrified that he will find out when we complete remortgage documents - as I will have to disclose.

We have a toddler and we are expecting a second baby, I feel like telling him isn’t an option and I can resolve myself over time without him knowing, can’t stand the idea of his anger and disappointment. 

What can I do? This is eating me up! I don’t know what to do.  

Splishsplash_2

Hi - are you switching to a new deal with your current lender or looking for a new lender? If it’s the latter I think you’re going to have to tell him. Regardless it’s probably a good idea to talk about it and get it off your chest. How much do you owe? 

CC_Trouble

I owe nearly £20,000. It is the latter.

Emmia

What broadly have you spent the £20k on?

Is it stuff benefiting both of you e.g. holidays, home improvements, children related expenses? Or is it things like shopping for clothes/shoes or gambling?

Have you looked at some of the posts on the Debt Free Wannabe board?

CC_Trouble

Just living expenses. We have a large house and I have a large car. I buy most of the clothes for our toddler. It’s not large purchases - essentially it’s money transfers to clear my overdraft everytime it gets high from general
expenditure.

I think you’re right and I am just going to have to tell him. He earns a 6 figure salary and he has a lifestyle that I just can’t live up to, my salary is good £34k pro rata as I do some childcare. But essentially I can’t manage money, I feel inadequate and ashamed and that leads me to hide it from him. I want to be able to match his lifestyle but I just can’t. 

I love him so much and we have an amazing relationship. 

[Deleted User]

Why are your expenses not pro rata to his ? Surely if your income is a third of his, you should be paying around a third of the expenses ? Have you sat down and chatted with him about this ?

What are the figures ? 

Income 
outstanding mortgage 
house value 

We can then see if the £20,000 is a real big problem or not

MovingForwards

Head over to the debt free boards as you will receive a lot of assistance.

On a side note, you live together, there shouldn't be a his / her lifestyle, you are a family unit, both should be financially liable for running a home, the upkeep and raising the children / buying them things, just apportioned as per income. 

CC_Trouble

Income 
Me: £20,400pa (£1420pm)
Him: c£100,000pa
Mortgage outstanding: £205k
House value: £400k

Current mortgage: £980pm
Childcare cost: £400pm 
 There is council tax and utilities at c£350

I keep £450per month for me & pay my own mobile bill £50pm. The rest of my salary just goes into my joint account. 

In 2015 my husband paid off my debt and the £450 per month was the budget we set, I have gone c£4000 per annum over my budget and just picked this up on credit cards. It was consolidated in a loan and via some savings - loan was £275 per month and the last payment is August 2020.

Emmia

MovingForwards said:

Head over to the debt free boards as you will receive a lot of assistance.

On a side note, you live together, there shouldn't be a his / her lifestyle, you are a family unit, both should be financially liable for running a home, the upkeep and raising the children / buying them things, just apportioned as per income. 

I absolutely agree with this, children related and household expenses should definitely be shared pro rata (I'm assuming the child is his). 

I personally prefer a degree of separation in the finances (my savings are mine, and his, are his) but we've gone proportional for the mortgage and groceries.

CC_Trouble

Also my budget was originally £370per month, it went up to £450 in Feb when I told him I was struggling.

I have the option of talking to my Dad who could lend me the money to pay this off - I could do this first & then tell my husband and talk through everything but not sure I want to do this.

Emmia

CC_Trouble said:

Income 
Me: £20,400pa (£1420pm)
Him: c£100,000pa
Mortgage outstanding: £205k
House value: £400k

Current mortgage: £980pm
Childcare cost: £400pm 
 There is council tax and utilities at c£350

I keep £450per month for me & pay my own mobile bill £50pm. The rest of my salary just goes into my joint account. 

In 2015 my husband paid off my debt and the £450 per month was the budget we set, I have gone c£4000 per annum over my budget and just picked this up on credit cards. It was consolidated in a loan and via some savings - loan was £275 per month and the last payment is August 2020.

It sounds like the £450 is still woefully inadequate - you need more like £1000 a month if you're going to cover everything you're expected to.

You need to talk to him, and get a better budget - more could come from a joint account, or you carry on paying, but with a higher monthly "allowance". You should probably go through starements and come up with some figures for your "actual" expenditure.

Edit: don't talk to your Dad, even if you borrow the money from him, it doesn't solve the problem of you not having enough of a share to meet your needs on a day to day basis - that is a conversation you need to have with your husband.