Remortgage with telling husband about credit cards?

[Deleted User]

The credit card debt probably wont impact the affordability on the case but leaving them off altogether will probably get a decline for Non Disclosure.  Same with the loan if he doesnt know about that.   
 
Check if your existing lender is offering a good deal otherwise you are going to have to have an honest discussion on your terms rather than in a financial advisors office

blue_max_3

I think your husband may find the deceit harder to deal with, than the debt you have built up. It doesn't sound like an amazing relationship to me. In fact, it sounds like you're rather afraid of him. You have no shortage of funds together, but you need to gain some trust between you. I also think your husband has a role in this as he seems oblivious.

MovingForwards

You have consolidated once, it hasn't worked as you are back in the same position. Borrowing doesn't resolve the issues if your budget isn't sufficient in the first place.

Please ask @sourcrates to move your thread over to the debt free board as you will get a lot of help and advice.

sourcrates

Moved for you.

CC_Trouble

I have messaged to ask the thread to be moved. So, after much consideration i think you’re right and I need to tell the husband. 

Feel like I haven’t been completely candid, we have been together 18 years. When we met I was terrible with money. I ended up doing an IVA via Step Change (then Consumer Credit Counselling Service) he knew about this but at this point we had no financial connection.

He bought our first home in 2007, I finished my debt management plan In around 2009 and by the time we bought our second house, this time together in 2014, my credit was fine and I had minimal debt. When we moved our income changed and we paid for a wedding in 2015 - in this time my debt rose massively to c£33. In 2015 I came clean and he helped me consolidate and repay this (last payments due August 2020) on the promise it never happened again.

Over the last 5 years I have really struggled to stick to my budget but was afraid to tell
him so I just stuck my head in the sand and every-time the overdraft got unmanageable I just did a money transfer from my credit card.

It got worse as the debt increased and budgeting got harder, it also became harder to tell him. I have a lot of shame and inadequacy related to the fact that we are so at odds financially. 

I have actually felt physically sick all day at the idea of having the conversation with him after our toddler goes to bed tonight. I love him so much and I have always felt like I am just a massive burden on him, he is in a different leave to me both educationally and financially and I love him and our family so much. 

I am afraid that he will finally see me as the broken person I am, totally unworthy of the love and value he places on me and our relationship. 

I am pregnant, due November. I just don’t know how to explain it to him and I am terrified.

CC_Trouble

I had counselling with a Clinical Psychologist after my Mum passed away in June 2020 and I couldn’t even tell her. It’s like I lie to everyone including myself, meantime I spend knowing I don’t have the money to cover it but telling myself its fine and it will work out and I will
cover it later. 

Emmia

CC_Trouble said:

I have messaged to ask the thread to be moved. So, after much consideration i think you’re right and I need to tell the husband. 

Feel like I haven’t been completely candid, we have been together 18 years. When we met I was terrible with money. I ended up doing an IVA via Step Change (then Consumer Credit Counselling Service) he knew about this but at this point we had no financial connection.

He bought our first home in 2007, I finished my debt management plan In around 2009 and by the time we bought our second house, this time together in 2014, my credit was fine and I had minimal debt. When we moved our income changed and we paid for a wedding in 2015 - in this time my debt rose massively to c£33. In 2015 I came clean and he helped me consolidate and repay this (last payments due August 2020) on the promise it never happened again.

Over the last 5 years I have really struggled to stick to my budget but was afraid to tell
him so I just stuck my head in the sand and every-time the overdraft got unmanageable I just did a money transfer from my credit card.

It got worse as the debt increased and budgeting got harder, it also became harder to tell him. I have a lot of shame and inadequacy related to the fact that we are so at odds financially. 

I have actually felt physically sick all day at the idea of having the conversation with him after our toddler goes to bed tonight. I love him so much and I have always felt like I am just a massive burden on him, he is in a different leave to me both educationally and financially and I love him and our family so much. 

I am afraid that he will finally see me as the broken person I am, totally unworthy of the love and value he places on me and our relationship. 

I am pregnant, due November. I just don’t know how to explain it to him and I am terrified.

After you'd been bailed out from the £33k I'm presuming you didn't close the credit cards - and just re-spent on them? Or have you been (secretly) opening fresh cards?

I think if you get bailed out again, you need to shut the cards completely and ensure you have zero access to any form of credit - go cash only or fixed (but realistic) budget on a debit card (no overdraft) once the money is gone, it's gone.

Edit: I wonder if at the root of this is a spending "need" as a form of self love? Do you enjoy the spending - irrespective of what the item you're purchasing is?

TheAble

You shouldn't be paying half the bills on a fifth of the income. Maybe have a conversation about this first of all. As others have said - you don't necessarily need to move to a new lender. Just see what deals your current lender is offering. Thus, you might be able to avoid the debt chat altogether - but you will need to take steps to get it paid off from this point onwards.

CC_Trouble

I think I have to tell him. Otherwise it’s just putting it off until the next thing comes up and making the lie bigger/worse. 

I will also need his support to sort it out. As we have established I can’t budget and I have an issue with overspending.
I took out new cards, that’s why my credit is still okay - I am utilising about 54% of my available credit and haven’t missed any payments at all.

AlwaysWanderlusting

I saw your post before it got moved across and wondered whether you'd come across MyFrugalYear on Instagram.  She became known for anonymously sharing her story of paying off a fair whack of debt on a popular instamum platform the other year and has since released a book, but she's been sharing a lot of her journey on IG and you might find her approach and progress helpful/inspiring - alongside some of the threads on here. 

Definitely think a conversation with your husband will be necessary, regardless of what happens with your mortgage - so you can find a practical solution to getting the debt down and stop you from getting into this situation again (closing some cards sounds like it would be a really good idea) and working through those feelings you mentioned. I also echo other sentiments that it doesn't make sense for you to be paying half the bills when you're not anywhere close to earning what your husband does. That doesn't solve the issue but it would surely be a help.