Maternity/Shared Parental Leave - Dad taking time off instead of mum?

ST1991

Hi all!
Hoping this is the right place to post this... Whilst baby is not due until early December, we are planning as much in advance and looking at every possible eventuality now so we've got time to make the right decision, and can easily change our decision if something changes (first baby, so i have no idea what to let myself in for!)

I am only entitled to standard SMP in my job (no extras).
I earn roughly £500 more per month than my partner, so from a purely 'money' point of view, we are considering me going back to work and him taking the time off instead to look after baby.
I am also able to work from home, so would be around in the mornings, evenings and my lunch break to interact and express milk for feeding (as i aim to breastfeed, if possible)

Does anyone have any experience of the dad taking time off work instead of mum, and the logistics of that?
The only thing i can find online is Shared Parental Leave, whereby he would essentially have the maternity leave instead of me, for lack of a better way to put that (in terms of weeks off work and payment). I know it is designed so you can also reduce the total length of leave by taking time off together, but both of us having just £600 a month is nowhere near affordable.

I've done alot of googling and reading up online about it, but i was wondering if anyone else knew something perhaps i don't, or perhaps they have experience of dad taking time off instead of mum and how that went?

P.s my original plan was to try and work from home and look after baby all by myself (as i can adjust my working hours), but let's not be too optimistic...!

ZaSa1418

When I had my 5 year old i went back to work after 5 months as we couldn't afford for me to stay at home. Hubby took the rest of my maternity leave as shared leave (or it might have been called something else back then) and he got paid the shared parenting rate from work. ( Same as stat maternity pay) 
My hubby is a very hands on dad and i had no worries about him not being able to cope etc. I work around an hour away so had to express which was ok for me but some women can't pump (pumping is not an indication of supply) but if you can work from home you won't have that problem. 
I hated leaving her, i would cry travelling to work and be desperate to get home but again working from home you shouldn't have that problem. 

ST1991

Awwh, thankyou for replying so quick, and that is exactly the kind of thing i needed to know! That someone else had done this and i wasn't just reading the guidelines for the shared parental pay and reading it wrong...!

Thanks so much, this is really helpful
I'm not sure how i will feel about him taking the time off instead of me, certainly there should be nothing wrong with it but i have a 'sense' that some people are still very much judgemental about dad looking after baby instead of mum.
There may be the odd occasion i would need to go into work for a meeting, but it is roughly an hour away and i would have notice of this in advance.
My partner is very excited and keen to be a first time dad. He's also quite keen on taking a few months off in his role, which is very demanding, tiring, and often requires long days of driving and/or staying away from home.

zagfles

ST1991 said:

Awwh, thankyou for replying so quick, and that is exactly the kind of thing i needed to know! That someone else had done this and i wasn't just reading the guidelines for the shared parental pay and reading it wrong...!

Thanks so much, this is really helpful
I'm not sure how i will feel about him taking the time off instead of me, certainly there should be nothing wrong with it but i have a 'sense' that some people are still very much judgemental about dad looking after baby instead of mum.
There may be the odd occasion i would need to go into work for a meeting, but it is roughly an hour away and i would have notice of this in advance.
My partner is very excited and keen to be a first time dad. He's also quite keen on taking a few months off in his role, which is very demanding, tiring, and often requires long days of driving and/or staying away from home.

I really don't think you need to worry, I know/knew a few couples that swapped "traditional" roles and they got more admiration than judgement. My wife and I did it the traditional way 20 years ago but I worked shifts so did a lot of the daytime play sessions like tumbletots, jo jingles, I even gatecrashed the local "mothers and toddlers" group.

In your case it sounds like a no-brainer, you earn more, can work at home, partner has a demanding job with long hours.

Go for it - I'm sure any judgemental idiots will be rare and far outweighed by supportive people. Good luck!

Fireflyaway

I was already pregnant when I started my job so I didn't qualify for company maternity leave, just statutory. My husband only got 2 weeks paternity leave. Hence I had to return to work when our little one was only 5 months old and as the higher earner at the time we decided I would go back full time. Because my husband didn't like his job he worked just 2 days, caring for the little one 3 days a week. My mum had her the other 2 days. 
I know this doesn't answer your question about leave entitlement or money but I thought it might be interesting to share the experience of a father being the one to stay home. So what I found is it gave my husband a better understanding of the demands of looking after a baby and I really think they developed a closer bond. My husband was appreciative that I was prepared to bring in the money and I was happy that our little one didn't have to go to a nursery so young. We didn't get any comments from anyone. My only annoyance was my husband never did any housework in the day! I'd come home to dirty dishes and laundry so discuss that aspect and decide who does what. 
 After 2 years my husband changed jobs and was paid better so I went part time. I felt especially when she started school it was important to take her to and from school. So my other tip is to be prepared to make multiple changes as your child grows in age. 
Do what's best for your family. Whatever you do, there will be people telling you it's wrong! Being a parent is great but you often feel guilty or question if you are doing the right thing! 

ST1991

Thanks so much everyone.
All slightly different experiences, but edging me towards this being the right thing to do
At the moment, because i work from home i do the majority of the housework (I have time in the morning by having no commute and i can hang out washing on my lunch so it's a no brainer!) but my partner is willing to get stuck in and isn't a messy person. Infact i was quite a messy person until we met, and he was always the one cleaning and tidying... then i got a knack for it too...!

Coupled with the fact he really dislikes his job at the moment, i really think this is the right thing to do!
The excitement, and stress, of having a new baby, along with trying to complete various unfinished DIY jobs around the house before the end of the year has exasperated his feelings towards his current job - i think this will give him something to work towards and look forward to more than just the excitement of a baby, but also taking some well-deserved time off too!
We didn't even consider it an option until we looked at our finances and what mat pay is, and saw the shared leave online  

Beans27

Congratulations and good luck with the new arrival! My boy is 4 now, we were in a similar situation though - I earnt more and partner hated his job. We decided for me to go back to work after 9 months and him to quit work and take over as a stay at home dad for a while. Worked well for us (well, apart from having no money for a couple of years) as he is a lot more patient and was willing to play repetitive games, unlike me  If he had stayed in his job, most of that money would have just gone on nursery fees, which just seemed pointless. He started a new business 18 months ago so we juggle childcare between us now with me working condensed hours. I think it's definitely becoming a lot more common, I work for a large company and I know male colleagues who have been off on shared parental leave. 

ST1991

Thanks beans! I'm so glad things worked out for you that way
In my particular circumstance, i am thinking of returning to work fairly quickly, and then my partner taking the majority of the stat leave. So it's likely i may only be off work for the initial 2 months.
As i'll be working from home for the vast majority of the time anyway, i hope this does not cause any bonding issues with baby!

ZaSa1418

yes definitely give it a go, you have nothing to lose. Also the shared parenting leave is better set out now imho as you could essentially take a month and then go back for a while and then swap around again whereas it wasn't that flexible 5 years ago.