Utterly Lost and overwhelmed.

amysb86

Hi, this is my first time posting and im a little nervous but im in desprate need of advice and help. I will provide as much infomation as possible about my mine and my husbands situation
we haved moved into a lovely house owned by a freind of a friend who is happy to sell it to us, but would prefer sooner rather than later. we also have 10k of debt we need to clear. and a minimum of £8000 to save.
i have fibromyalgia and i am desprate to cut my working hours as i am in so much pain every day, and once we have brought the house and are debt free this will be possible.
BUT i cannot seem to get anywhere I shop because it distracts me from the pain and the sadness. I do not need anything yet always find ways to justify what i buy. we went without anything for so long as i was too poorly to work for 4 years so  now i always feel like we deserve to splurge but then I feel guilty and depressed and dont sleep for worrying.
Ineed to  break the habit, i dont want to buy things i dont want to be throwing out food that I brought but then was to sick to eat so it gets thrown away. or food we simply dont fancy so it goes out of date.
I feel like i am letting us both down so much, my husband buys a few bits but nothing like me.
I just have no idea where to start I dont want to get rid of every single treat but i want to massively reign the spending in so we can be fincaically stable and I can then take steps to look after myself. I have tried budgeting but i forget what it is or make execptions
Any pointers on where to start would be amazing. 
thanks

Amy 

ZaSa1418

Hi Amy, sorry to hear about your health problems. I suggest doing a SOA so you can see exactly where your money is going and post it and people can provide further help. There are also some good articles on the main site which are definitely worth reading. 

joshiesaunt

I think it’s good that you now have a concrete goal of paying off debts and buying a house.  It sounds like you have insight into why you are over spending. Now you need to take action and budgeting is the first step.  If you post the Statement of Affairs of your spending as it is now, there are lots of people who can help. 

Fatsdom

SOA please. 

theoretica

Buying food that gets thrown away isn't a 'treat' by any definition.  You know this, but really internalise it. Having a few long life meals available (dry/tinned/frozen as suits you) can help if the quantity you eat is unusually variable and you worry about running out between shops.

Forgetting where you are in your budget means you probably need to write it down on something you always carry when you have your wallet so you can add spending as it happens. 

If you threw every penny at the debt and savings how long would it take you?  Then you can work out that spending an extra £X will add an extra day to your wait.

sharpe106

As others have said a SOA would help, the link for one if you don't know any

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

ceremony

As others have said, post an SOA so that people can help.

If there's room in there, budget something for treats too. People do that with diets - it's miserable to say "I'm never having a cake/biscuit/pizza again", but sticking to goals most of the time and having a cake/pizza because you planned it and you're really going to enjoy it is far more sustainable.

See if there are cheap/free things you can do to treat yourself, and build a little leeway into your budget.... I'm terrible with money if it's in my main bank account so I have a "direct debit" account that I transfer bill money to, rounded up, every payday. I let the balance in there build up so in an emergency I know bills can still be covered. I have a savings account that I've set up "Save the Pennies" with and it rounds up my transactions and saves the extra. I transfer a fixed amount of 'treat money' to a prepaid card and will sometimes save that for a big purchase, sometimes splurge it on tat, but at least I know that it's not money to feel guilty about. My income is pretty variable because I'm self employed but my bills always get paid, my debts are going down by a fixed amount every month, and if I have a good week/month extra goes towards the debt (I'm currently 5 months ahead of schedule and gaining). It's working for me and I don't feel deprived.

monetxchange

Well done on taking the first step on facing up to the debts.

I think an important thing to remember is not to pressure yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint. There's no point making unrealistic goals now, not achieving them and then getting disheartened and giving up.

The harsh reality is you won't be buying a place sooner rather than later. You have 10k to clear and at least 8k to save. That's going to take a while. But even if this house passes you by, it's still a great goal to have for the future. Whatever you do, don't rush into buying a place while you're still burdened with debt and then struggle.

A SOA would be helpful. You can do this!

amysb86

sharpe106 said:

As others have said a SOA would help, the link for one if you don't know any

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

Thank you for this, I will fill it out tomorrow, batterling a migraine today so not able to think straight.. Probably from money stress lol. 
Thank you all for being so kind i will have the information up tomorrow xx

amysb86

monetxchange said:

Well done on taking the first step on facing up to the debts.

I think an important thing to remember is not to pressure yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint. There's no point making unrealistic goals now, not achieving them and then getting disheartened and giving up.

The harsh reality is you won't be buying a place sooner rather than later. You have 10k to clear and at least 8k to save. That's going to take a while. But even if this house passes you by, it's still a great goal to have for the future. Whatever you do, don't rush into buying a place while you're still burdened with debt and then struggle.

A SOA would be helpful. You can do this!

Sorry i should of mentioned that i already live in the house and am paying rent.. But after i posted this i called my friend and explained if i could pay my debts first it would make the saving so much easier and quicker trying to do both at once is getting me nowhere. And with lenders being stricter with the current situation i really want to be debt free before we buy a house.. He said its fine he didnt realise the pressure i was under and we can take as long as we need to buy the house!!! I am so relieved im no longer worried about loosing our home and finding somewhere rented that will take my pets. Now i just need to get or agonised and stop spending had a really good chat with DH and we really want to do this.
😊😊😊💕💕

limars19

can i just say my daughter has fibromyalgia for 12 years now and its always worst when she is under stress, migraines too, it always takes her a little longer to get where she wants to go but she gets there , be gentle with yourself, breathe and please do not stress to the point of making yourself worst. the kind people on here will help you. sending gentle hugs