Need advice as I'm terrified.. (mental health issues, Controlling ex partner)

Thank you for reading.

Basically i am diagnosed as suffering from chronic depression. This depression led to avoidance when it came to money issues and with an ex that i trusted with our finances meant i have been drowning for years and its nearly taken my life with numerous suicide attempts.

I have about 40k in debt. 35k of that is a house repossession but that's split with an ex and all my other debts credit cards, loans etc)
I am not at work and being supported by my new partner. She is on a good wage and with my new set up i don't really need to work as she can afford to pay for everything ( i am so lucky)
I want to have a complete split from my ex. She is not in a position to pay off debts and neither am i but i am considering bankruptcy. She won't be allowed to do the same as she works for a place that if she did she would lose her job. 

My fear. My fear is that a lot of my financial decisions in the past have come from a controlling ex and severe mental health issues. I'm sorting out the mental health issues daily and i have rid of the ex. If i go bankrupt i am worried i would be judged as reckless and this would make the bankruptcy harder for me causing me more issues in the future.

Also, i have no idea who all my creditors are because i have moved a few times, changed number a few times and the debt got sold so many times it was hard to keep up. Any advice, experience with this would be greatly received.

Thanks

Replies

  • edited 22 June 2020 at 2:02PM
    sourcratessourcrates Forumite, Board Guide
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    edited 22 June 2020 at 2:02PM
    Hi,
    Bankrupcy is not a judgement, its a simple box ticking exercise in its basic form, unless you have been deliberatly fraudulant, with intent to commit fraud, you will be fine.
    All, or most debts are included in bankrupcy, you do not need to list them, as its an all emcompasing solution, however they will be listed on your credit files, make sure you check each of the main three CRA`s.
    Get some advice before you do anything, stepchange or national debtline are the places to go.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File and Ratings, Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to:
    [email protected].
    Any views expressed are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
    "I don`t trust Bankers, I don`t trust Banks, and I don`t trust you.........Private Frazer".
    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, CitizensAdviceBureaux.
  • RASRAS Forumite
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    Hi, please speak to either step change or national debt line, links in sourcrates signature.

    With respect to the house repossession, make sure you sign nothing.

    You can get your credit records for free once you've spoken to the debt charity, to find out what the score is. Otherwise, just breathe and let go.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • RattyIrkRattyIrk Forumite
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    If  the house is being repossessed then your ex may well end up in difficulties anyway with her job. Advice above though is correct, sign nothing and get proper debt advice before you take any further steps.

    I am recently out of bankruptcy.  It has it's downsides but for me it has not been too bad and drew a line under a lot of stuff to enable me to move forward with my life.  
  • fatbellyfatbelly Forumite
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    The key is your last paragraph.

    If no-one is pursuing you for your debts do you need any form of relief?

    Also 35k out of 40k is an ancient mortgage shortfall debt, shared with your ex. These debts are rarely chased aggressively as those  that have them are almost always in a position to react by going bankrupt.

    You need to be aware that after 6 years of no acknowledgement (12 years for the mortgage shortfall debt)  a debt becomes statute barred and  unenforceable.

    With joint debts a payment by the other party re-sets the clock for both of you but a written acknowledgement does not.

    You do need to check the main three credit reference agencies and  use their notice of dissociation forms to separate from your ex. It's all online.
  • edited 22 June 2020 at 2:10PM
    sourcratessourcrates Forumite, Board Guide
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    edited 22 June 2020 at 2:10PM


    I have about 40k in debt. 35k of that is a house repossession.
    Thanks

    Good pick up FB, you know i skimmed right past that without it even registering.
    Fatbelly makes a very good point here, these shortfall debts are seldom chased as historically they tend to be tens of thousands of pounds, and are owed by people usually with min wage jobs, so basically have no hope in hell of ever repaying it, and if pushed, can always resort to bankrupcy, so unless this is urgent, i would say wait it out and see what happens, you dont really need do anything in haste, the 5k of other debt should be more than manageable.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File and Ratings, Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to:
    [email protected]rt.com.
    Any views expressed are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
    "I don`t trust Bankers, I don`t trust Banks, and I don`t trust you.........Private Frazer".
    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, CitizensAdviceBureaux.
  • insertnamehere80insertnamehere80 Forumite
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    Want to say a big thanks for the replies and give you a little more info.

    These debts are at least 9 years old and i have been in a position that i was paying monthly amounts back of £1. 
    The house repossession is over 10 years gone but recently had a letter from them.
    I have had a few letters recently which has made this come to my attention again as my ex has updated my new address.
    what's the likelihood of them agreeing to a figure to settle without going down the bankruptcy route?
    if so how would i go about that and does anyone have advice on percentage i could pay. If i offered the mortgage 20% of the debt is their evidence they would accept? But for that to work, i would need to find all my debt companies. 
  • RASRAS Forumite
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    Did you sign to acknowledge the debt when the property was repossessed?
     have you paid anything towards it since?

    And regarding the other debts, when did you last pay anything towards them?
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • fatbellyfatbelly Forumite
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    I once settled a mortgage shortfall debt for 4p in the £ I think it was. Might have been 5.
    It was that or bankruptcy. The lender accepted our first offer - we could have gone up a little.
    I think my earlier advice is better though - this is made more complex by it being a joint debt.
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