Need help not slipping further into debt.

Grumpelstiltskin

sharpe106 said:

Happy_Sloth said:

Fireflyaway said:

n nothing.  

The TV is high because it's for 3 box's one in the living room and both boys have a box.  it was higher but we got rid of some channels and the box in our bedroom.  I could get rid of the boys boxes but they live in their rooms right now and i'm still trying to keep them in the dark about the finance's I just don't want to worry them. My youngest is stressing about Uni already as he's going for the first time in September and it's all up in the air... will he be given the grades he needs because exams where cancelled etc. Will class's go ahead... last thing I want is to add more stress to him about money.... I know I know … now is not the time for pride... but I just don't want them to know we are struggling. 

 

You have made a good step addressing that you have an issue, but unfortunately unless you tell your sons your problems all your hard work will be for nothing. Without reducing what you spend on them you will not be able to make a dent into what you owe. They are both adults it could also be a valuable lesson for them in the future. Let’s also be honest as they are both university students they must have figured out that having to carry water upstairs to fill the tank for a bath is not normal, so they must already know you have some financial issues. Have the conservation with them it might be hard but without them helping you will never be able to clear your debts until your business picks back up and your partner goes back to work.

I totally agree with Sharpe you are doing the boys no favours by basically lying to them. They are adults, you must tell them that you have huge financial problems and bring them fully on board. 
Instead of them sitting in their rooms all day they should be out looking for temporary work, just think if from 3 months ago they had both been bringing money in every week.
You also must realise that the old saying about presents - It's the thought that counts, is true it's not the amount of money you throw at the present.

Happy_Sloth

The boys are not completely naive they know we are financially struggling, i'm just trying not to worry them with it by letting them know how bad it is.  I know i might not be able to give them money when they go back to university and it honestly terrifies me to think they might have to try and live off the mininum loan without a contribution from me.  My contribution is supposed to be £4000 a year per boy..  even giving them the £200 a month. Which is what my eldest got last year, that's still not the £4000 i'm supposed to provide.  

I've re-done the SOA without the christmas prezzys and without the contribution to the boy's and i still can't meet my bills and debt repayments.  

In terms of the boys getting jobs that might be tricky, i don't want to make them sound entitled but they both have ASD that effects them in different ways.  Neither would cope in the job's that are currently likely to be available with no experience. 

The current situation is difficult enough for them both, my youngest has shut down completely and now getting him out of bed alone is a struggle.  I need to be focusing on getting him into University without melting down not adding additional stress by asking him to get a job. 

The Eldest had a job that he was supposed to start in June but they withdrew the offer, again he has special needs and i'm not sure there are many jobs available that are suitable because he has sensory problems. 

Sadly i can't just send either of them off to stack shelves or work on a till and there are very few jobs out there, nevermind ones willing to take on young men with no experience and special needs. 

[Deleted User]

I don't often say this but would you not be better off selling the house and moving into rented.  It sounds like an albatross around your neck and you don't even seem to enjoy living in it.  I know some people like the challenge of doing up dilapidated properties but yours still seems to need a lot of work and you don't have the money to do it.  Get rid and start afresh.

Happy_Sloth

Lover_of_Lycra said:

I don't often say this but would you not be better off selling the house and moving into rented.  It sounds like an albatross around your neck and you don't even seem to enjoy living in it.  I know some people like the challenge of doing up dilapidated properties but yours still seems to need a lot of work and you don't have the money to do it.  Get rid and start afresh.

I intend to die in this house,  selling it would kill me.  Yes it's a burden and it's hard when i can't afford to pay the bills or pay for the work it needs, but i do love this house... it does make me happy.

i'm still hoping this financial blip is temporary,  it was caused by coronovirus, it can't last forever. 

i''ve never been out of work before and i've always earned a good living.  I'm clinging to hope when the market pick's up things will get better and i'll either return to my business or i'll at least find a job where my skillset is utilized.  Before Covid i earned a good living. Right now im doing a job that could have done blind folded 10 years ago.   

I'm doing it, because now is not the time for pride.   While i could sit on my butt and wait for a job that pay's what I normally earn, that might not happen for a while. So i've taken a temporary Job with a massive pay cut  ... because I have bills that need paying today and paying some of them is better than paying none on them.  I need to survive this storm so this job is simply what i need to do for now. 

Perhaps im naïve but i have to believe i can keep this house... because despite it's issues i wake up in my bedroom every morning feeling blessed and losing it would literally kill me... We are in this mess because i wanted to set up my own business and my business was very profitable for 4 years, it fell apart because of Covid. If we lose this house because of decisions I've made then honestly my family would be better off without me.

I need to get us through this somehow..... I got us into this mess i need to get us out of it. 

[Deleted User]

Happy_Sloth said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

I don't often say this but would you not be better off selling the house and moving into rented.  It sounds like an albatross around your neck and you don't even seem to enjoy living in it.  I know some people like the challenge of doing up dilapidated properties but yours still seems to need a lot of work and you don't have the money to do it.  Get rid and start afresh.

I intend to die in this house,  selling it would kill me.  Yes it's a burden and it's hard when i can't afford to pay the bills or pay for the work it needs, but i do love this house... it does make me happy.

i'm still hoping this financial blip is temporary,  it was caused by coronovirus, it can't last forever. 

i''ve never been out of work before and i've always earned a good living.  I'm clinging to hope when the market pick's up things will get better and i'll either return to my business or i'll at least find a job where my skillset is utilized.  Before Covid i earned a good living. Right now im doing a job that could have done blind folded 10 years ago.   

I'm doing it, because now is not the time for pride.   While i could sit on my butt and wait for a job that pay's what I normally earn, that might not happen for a while. So i've taken a temporary Job with a massive pay cut  ... because I have bills that need paying today and paying some of them is better than paying none on them.  I need to survive this storm so this job is simply what i need to do for now. 

Perhaps im naïve but i have to believe i can keep this house... because despite it's issues i wake up in my bedroom every morning feeling blessed and losing it would literally kill me... We are in this mess because i wanted to set up my own business and my business was very profitable for 4 years, it fell apart because of Covid. If we lose this house because of decisions I've made then honestly my family would be better off without me.

I need to get us through this somehow..... I got us into this mess i need to get us out of it. 

It’s easy to blame covid for the situation but the reality is that you were already walking a
financial tightrope before covid came along. 

You won’t sell the house. You can’t afford to meet your repayments. You can’t afford to subsidise your sons at university but apparently they can’t get jobs. How do you see yourselves resolving this situation? 

Happy_Sloth

Lover_of_Lycra said:

Happy_Sloth said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

I don't often say this but would you not be better off selling the house and moving into rented.  It sounds like an albatross around your neck and you don't even seem to enjoy living in it.  I know some people like the challenge of doing up dilapidated properties but yours still seems to need a lot of work and you don't have the money to do it.  Get rid and start afresh.

I intend to die in this house,  selling it would kill me.  Yes it's a burden and it's hard when i can't afford to pay the bills or pay for the work it needs, but i do love this house... it does make me happy.

i'm still hoping this financial blip is temporary,  it was caused by coronovirus, it can't last forever. 

i''ve never been out of work before and i've always earned a good living.  I'm clinging to hope when the market pick's up things will get better and i'll either return to my business or i'll at least find a job where my skillset is utilized.  Before Covid i earned a good living. Right now im doing a job that could have done blind folded 10 years ago.   

I'm doing it, because now is not the time for pride.   While i could sit on my butt and wait for a job that pay's what I normally earn, that might not happen for a while. So i've taken a temporary Job with a massive pay cut  ... because I have bills that need paying today and paying some of them is better than paying none on them.  I need to survive this storm so this job is simply what i need to do for now. 

Perhaps im naïve but i have to believe i can keep this house... because despite it's issues i wake up in my bedroom every morning feeling blessed and losing it would literally kill me... We are in this mess because i wanted to set up my own business and my business was very profitable for 4 years, it fell apart because of Covid. If we lose this house because of decisions I've made then honestly my family would be better off without me.

I need to get us through this somehow..... I got us into this mess i need to get us out of it. 

It’s easy to blame covid for the situation but the reality is that you were already walking a
financial tightrope before covid came along. 

You won’t sell the house. You can’t afford to meet your repayments. You can’t afford to subsidise your sons at university but apparently they can’t get jobs. How do you see yourselves resolving this situation? 

i know this is my fault. 

[Deleted User]

Happy_Sloth said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

Happy_Sloth said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

I don't often say this but would you not be better off selling the house and moving into rented.  It sounds like an albatross around your neck and you don't even seem to enjoy living in it.  I know some people like the challenge of doing up dilapidated properties but yours still seems to need a lot of work and you don't have the money to do it.  Get rid and start afresh.

I intend to die in this house,  selling it would kill me.  Yes it's a burden and it's hard when i can't afford to pay the bills or pay for the work it needs, but i do love this house... it does make me happy.

i'm still hoping this financial blip is temporary,  it was caused by coronovirus, it can't last forever. 

i''ve never been out of work before and i've always earned a good living.  I'm clinging to hope when the market pick's up things will get better and i'll either return to my business or i'll at least find a job where my skillset is utilized.  Before Covid i earned a good living. Right now im doing a job that could have done blind folded 10 years ago.   

I'm doing it, because now is not the time for pride.   While i could sit on my butt and wait for a job that pay's what I normally earn, that might not happen for a while. So i've taken a temporary Job with a massive pay cut  ... because I have bills that need paying today and paying some of them is better than paying none on them.  I need to survive this storm so this job is simply what i need to do for now. 

Perhaps im naïve but i have to believe i can keep this house... because despite it's issues i wake up in my bedroom every morning feeling blessed and losing it would literally kill me... We are in this mess because i wanted to set up my own business and my business was very profitable for 4 years, it fell apart because of Covid. If we lose this house because of decisions I've made then honestly my family would be better off without me.

I need to get us through this somehow..... I got us into this mess i need to get us out of it. 

It’s easy to blame covid for the situation but the reality is that you were already walking a
financial tightrope before covid came along. 

You won’t sell the house. You can’t afford to meet your repayments. You can’t afford to subsidise your sons at university but apparently they can’t get jobs. How do you see yourselves resolving this situation? 

i know this is my fault. 

Great so what are you going to do about it? Every suggestion people make you have an excuse for not being able to do. You have less coming in than you have going out and the house needs some serious repairs by the sounds of it. What practical steps are you willing to take to resolve this? Would you consider a debt management plan where you only make token payments to your unsecured creditors? Would you live without a car? Could  the boys be looking into additional grants, bursaries or get the SLC to reassess their applications based on your current income? 

sharpe106

It does not matter who fault it is, it is done. You need to move on from where you are now. You need to have a discussion as a family about where you go from here. If your financial situation improves after covid great, but you need to have a plan for it being what it is now. You might not want to get your sons onboard but at the moment they are the ones that are going to sink you financially as you can't afford to support them at the current level. All you will do is make yourself into more debt. 

Happy_Sloth

Lover_of_Lycra said:

Happy_Sloth said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

Happy_Sloth said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

I don't often say this but would you not be better off selling the house and moving into rented.  It sounds like an albatross around your neck and you don't even seem to enjoy living in it.  I know some people like the challenge of doing up dilapidated properties but yours still seems to need a lot of work and you don't have the money to do it.  Get rid and start afresh.

I intend to die in this house,  selling it would kill me.  Yes it's a burden and it's hard when i can't afford to pay the bills or pay for the work it needs, but i do love this house... it does make me happy.

i'm still hoping this financial blip is temporary,  it was caused by coronovirus, it can't last forever. 

i''ve never been out of work before and i've always earned a good living.  I'm clinging to hope when the market pick's up things will get better and i'll either return to my business or i'll at least find a job where my skillset is utilized.  Before Covid i earned a good living. Right now im doing a job that could have done blind folded 10 years ago.   

I'm doing it, because now is not the time for pride.   While i could sit on my butt and wait for a job that pay's what I normally earn, that might not happen for a while. So i've taken a temporary Job with a massive pay cut  ... because I have bills that need paying today and paying some of them is better than paying none on them.  I need to survive this storm so this job is simply what i need to do for now. 

Perhaps im naïve but i have to believe i can keep this house... because despite it's issues i wake up in my bedroom every morning feeling blessed and losing it would literally kill me... We are in this mess because i wanted to set up my own business and my business was very profitable for 4 years, it fell apart because of Covid. If we lose this house because of decisions I've made then honestly my family would be better off without me.

I need to get us through this somehow..... I got us into this mess i need to get us out of it. 

It’s easy to blame covid for the situation but the reality is that you were already walking a
financial tightrope before covid came along. 

You won’t sell the house. You can’t afford to meet your repayments. You can’t afford to subsidise your sons at university but apparently they can’t get jobs. How do you see yourselves resolving this situation? 

i know this is my fault. 

Great so what are you going to do about it? Every suggestion people make you have an excuse for not being able to do. You have less coming in than you have going out and the house needs some serious repairs by the sounds of it. What practical steps are you willing to take to resolve this? Would you consider a debt management plan where you only make token payments to your unsecured creditors? Would you live without a car? Could  the boys be looking into additional grants, bursaries or get the SLC to reassess their applications based on your current income? 

cancel my phone
sell my car 
sell some family jewellery i have.
close my business  
get a 2nd job 
get a 3rd job if needed. 

I guess i was just hoping the situation was saveable without going to extremes. at least i've got it in perspective now... i have actually screwed my family and they would be better off without me. 

ApricotPluto

Happy. You havent screwed your family and they definately wouldnt be better off without you.

Yes you have a debt and at the moment it looks and feels awful - but you have a healthy family in a house that needs work to it but you still have a house that you love.

Hopfully things start to pick up again soon and you can get back to your business.

Things may feel bad now but they could be a lot worse. But I can guarantee your family definately wouldnt be better off without you.