What’s fair?

Loloharding

Just wondering how others might view my unusual situation. My husband and I met in our 40s and already owned our own houses (mine owned outright and his mortgaged.) He moved to my house due to me having children settled in my home town. He kept his and rents it out, although low rents in that area and his tax bracket mean that he can only cover an interest only mortgage and his tax liability. My question is that when we work our monthly finances should I class my house as part of my contribution? If it were mortgaged it would cost around £1500 a month, so therefore if our bills and food were, for arguments sake, £1500 he should cover that? At the moment he covers all the food and bills as we recently had a child, but I wonder how we will arrange things going forward when I work more. 

pramsay13

Whatever works for you as a couple but I would just take the properties out of the equation and just split the living expenses bills. If it all goes wrong you can split and still have your own houses.

NedS

It always amazes me how people who are married still view their finances separately. In our house we have income and we have outgoings, and what is left over is the money we have to do with what we choose. You may have noticed there were lots of "we" and not much "I" in that sentence. But feel free to arrange your finances how you see fit, I'm just sharing how we organise our finances and our solution may not work for you

Organist

NedS said:

It always amazes me how people who are married still view their finances separately. In our house we have income and we have outgoings, and what is left over is the money we have to do with what we choose. You may have noticed there were lots of "we" and not much "I" in that sentence. But feel free to arrange your finances how you see fit, I'm just sharing how we organise our finances and our solution may not work for you

Yes, we do the same our money is ours and doesn't belong to either of us!

Shakin_Steve

It's just the way the world works. Some people treat a marriage as a marriage and others as a business arrangement.

badger09

NedS said:

It always amazes me how people who are married still view their finances separately. In our house we have income and we have outgoings, and what is left over is the money we have to do with what we choose. You may have noticed there were lots of "we" and not much "I" in that sentence. But feel free to arrange your finances how you see fit, I'm just sharing how we organise our finances and our solution may not work for you

And it always amazes me how many people are convinced that their way is the only possible way of doing things.

Shakin_Steve said:

It's just the way the world works. Some people treat a marriage as a marriage and others as a business arrangement.

And some people treat their marriage as their marriage, and therefore nobody else's business. 

born_again

Loloharding said:

Just wondering how others might view my unusual situation. My husband and I met in our 40s and already owned our own houses (mine owned outright and his mortgaged.) He moved to my house due to me having children settled in my home town. He kept his and rents it out, although low rents in that area and his tax bracket mean that he can only cover an interest only mortgage and his tax liability. My question is that when we work our monthly finances should I class my house as part of my contribution? If it were mortgaged it would cost around £1500 a month, so therefore if our bills and food were, for arguments sake, £1500 he should cover that? At the moment he covers all the food and bills as we recently had a child, but I wonder how we will arrange things going forward when I work more. 

Simply, forget his house, as rent should at least be covering mortgage & consider it a pension plan I'm guessing partner is on a higher rate tax?
Just split the bills 50/50 on the house you share. Then you share out the balance left over.

bigadaj

Do whatever you are both comfortable with, however seems a strange time to start reviewing this after getting married and having a child, surely a discussion at an early stage of the relationship would have been better. The fact you are married means that combined assets would be considered in a divorce, whether that favours one person or the other depends on the split. The OP suggests that there might be more equity in their house, but the whole financial position would have to be considered including savings, debt, investments, pension etc 

kaMelo

As you are married legally there is no "your and mine" it's an "ours". I get that having come together later in life you both have assets acquired before you got together and not unreasonably you still consider your things, like your home, yours and want to protect these to give you and your children some security. But you are now married and these are the conversations you should really have had with your husband before getting married and having a child together.

Leaving that aside trying to come up with a "fair" split is difficult for numerous reasons. You say you have children from a previous relationship living with you, you don't mention whether he has any or if so where they live, you also have a child together. Assuming he has no other children then going down the "yours and mine" route,  there are three and a half people on your side and one and half people on his side so with day to day living costs your side will generate double what his does. If he has children from a previous relationship this will alter things obviously. 
Do you want to split bills according to costs or earnings or so that both of you have similar "spending money" left over. Is it fair if the higher earner suggests the lower earner works more, or is it a case of the one earning the least is only doing so to support the other person in furthering their career and earn more which would not be possible without your support?
These are a couple of points, I could go on and on.

My own opinion is that marriage is a partnership, a joint venture in which there is no your and mine but "ours" It matters only what is in the pot, not who put it there. A married couple shouldn't need spreadsheets to work out who pays what percentage of what bill or how much should be left for each others "spending money"  I can only ever see that sort of arrangement ending in arguments.
But that's only my (worthless and not so humble) opinion, not a suggestion.
The only people who can determine what is a fair arrangement is you and your husband.

burner03

What an odd way to look at marriage!

Shakin_Steve

badger09 said:

NedS said:

It always amazes me how people who are married still view their finances separately. In our house we have income and we have outgoings, and what is left over is the money we have to do with what we choose. You may have noticed there were lots of "we" and not much "I" in that sentence. But feel free to arrange your finances how you see fit, I'm just sharing how we organise our finances and our solution may not work for you

And it always amazes me how many people are convinced that their way is the only possible way of doing things.

Shakin_Steve said:

It's just the way the world works. Some people treat a marriage as a marriage and others as a business arrangement.

And some people treat their marriage as their marriage, and therefore nobody else's business. 

Nobody else's business, except everyone on the internet.