How can I teach my over 60 parents to be better with money?

Mistral001

frederick10WR said:

Mistral001 said:

The fact that you are living with them and thus watching them spending more than you can afford has probably prompted you to try to "advise" them.  I assume that you cannot move out to reduce your exposure to their poor budgeting of their money.  Have you actually told them  how you feel about watching them spending so much while you are saving the pennies?  If you haven't then I tell them now and leave the advice for a while.

Maybe just start giving them less money, than before?

Yes.  Practical action rather than words of wisdom, but I think the OP still needs to pay his/her way in the household.

Silvertabby

Unless OP intends living at home for the rest of his/her life, mum and dad are going to have to manage without his/her money at some point.  

DevilsAdvocate1

Is this a case of the OP not liking what their parents are spending their money on?  I was a registered childminder many years ago and one of the families I looked after were friends first.  I often used to invite the mum in for coffee when she collected her daughter.  However, she started commenting on everything new or everything that i had done to the house in a way which made me feel like she was judging what I was spending the money on. I felt as though she didn't agree with my choices and in some way thought of it as her money even though I earnt every penny looking after her daughter.

Unelss the OPs parents ask for help I think they should keep quiet.

aml40

Mistral001 said:

The fact that you are living with them and thus watching them spending more than you can afford has probably prompted you to try to "advise" them.  I assume that you cannot move out to reduce your exposure to their poor budgeting of their money.  Have you actually told them  how you feel about watching them spending so much while you are saving the pennies?  If you haven't then I tell them now and leave the advice for a while.

I have told them that they are spending too much of unnecessary things and that they need to remember that when I have saved enough money to move out that I will and they will lose my housekeeping money plus the money that they borrow regularly from me as I won't be able to fund them when I will still be struggling myself and won't be able to dip into my savings to help them as there won't be savings anymore and every penny will be spent on bills but they don't think there overspending but would like guidance just in case they can't afford things. I'm assuming they know that when I move out the money will be tight so their enjoying spending whilst they can.

MalMonroe

aml40 said:

Mistral001 said:

The fact that you are living with them and thus watching them spending more than you can afford has probably prompted you to try to "advise" them.  I assume that you cannot move out to reduce your exposure to their poor budgeting of their money.  Have you actually told them  how you feel about watching them spending so much while you are saving the pennies?  If you haven't then I tell them now and leave the advice for a while.

I have told them that they are spending too much of unnecessary things and that they need to remember that when I have saved enough money to move out that I will and they will lose my housekeeping money plus the money that they borrow regularly from me as I won't be able to fund them when I will still be struggling myself and won't be able to dip into my savings to help them as there won't be savings anymore and every penny will be spent on bills but they don't think there overspending but would like guidance just in case they can't afford things. I'm assuming they know that when I move out the money will be tight so their enjoying spending whilst they can.

I've just turned 70 and I'm here to tell you that you cannot teach your parents anything. Why not just enjoy the time you are all together? They won't be here forever, why keep nagging them? They've managed all this time without your input (and managed before you were even born, too) about the way they live and they will manage in the future. It's their life and you have to let them live it. Just try to relax and enjoy their company. They'll feel better and so will you. 

I'm sure they do appreciate the fact that you worry about them but they obviously do not want your advice. Lighten up a bit. They will be so grateful! 

Pollycat

MalMonroe said:

I've just turned 70 and I'm here to tell you that you cannot teach your parents anything. Why not just enjoy the time you are all together? They won't be here forever, why keep nagging them? They've managed all this time without your input (and managed before you were even born, too) about the way they live and they will manage in the future. It's their life and you have to let them live it. Just try to relax and enjoy their company. They'll feel better and so will you. 

I'm sure they do appreciate the fact that you worry about them but they obviously do not want your advice. Lighten up a bit. They will be so grateful! 

I'd agree with your comments if the OP hadn't posted:

aml40 said:

They are always asking for my help to get their finances in order or asking to borrow money because they are short this month etc. I don't mind helping them financially as they did a lot when we were kids but I don't know the first thing about helping people budget money etc. 
They were left a bit of money after my Grandma passed but not a lot and I told them to save it as my mum is currently furloughed so they might need it in the future if something happens. They understood but then went out and spent some of it on useless items and keep talking about getting a new couch/cooker or TV. I told them unless they were essential it wasn't worth it. 

so they really don't seem to be managing without the OP's input.

PennyForThem_2

Stop subsidising them.  Yes, definitely, definitely pay a fair 'rent' for staying in their house, but nothing else.  Justify by saying saving for your own home - whether deposit or rent deposit.  No reasonable parent would argue with that - especially as you are paying a rent.  
I have always charged a 'rent' if my sons have come back to live with me and they are earning or getting UC  -  obviously I would tailor to circumstance.  But I would never ever ask for extra.  That is not fair.

xylophone

It seems that the OP is paying his way......and part of his parents' way as well since they are regularly "borrowing" - I wonder if the loans are actually repaid or the OP simply writes them off?

Perhaps he should explain that he is contributing every spare penny to his LISA and can't readily withdraw this money so can no longer make any "loans"?

Running_man

First thing to do is tell them you are no longer “lending them money”
You are funding their overspending 
They know you will help out so they are just carrying on spending
Ask them when they will be paying you back what they have borrowed 
Telll them you need all your money for when you move out
Only shock tactics will work
Think they need a bit of tough love

smutput

I have generally found that you can't help people that won't help themselves. Paying your fair share is one thing, being an enabler for their poor decisions is another. There comes a time when you just have to step back and let them carry on or they will drag you down with them.