My Mum's ex-partner is stalking her and demanding money

[Deleted User]

Hi everyone,
Wondering if you can help. My Mum's ex partner is being a nightmare - he gifted her throughout the relationship money towards her car and a TV for christmas (I know she shouldn't have accepted the gifts but hindsight is a great thing). However, it soon became apparent that he was very toxic so she eventually broke things off with him. Since then, he has been stalking and harassing her, threatening to kill her if she doesn't pay him and ignoring police warnings to stay away. 
He will follow her around, and sit in his car watching her. The police are involved and have visited him but he won't stay away. Today, we received a letter in the post from a solicitors, saying if she doesn't pay in 7 days they will take further action. There was no written agreement in place to say it was a "loan" what he is claiming, he is saying there are bank statements showing he gave her this money but even that isn't true because my Mum has checked back and he gifted her in cash. I don't know what to do now - should a reply be made to the solicitors to say we are not paying? I'm not worried about court etc because I know there is no evidence that he loaned her anything, no agreement, no texts, nothing. But this is a very tricky situation. My Mum isn't very good with technology or writing stuff so that's why I'm doing this on her behalf. Thank you for any help

Carrot007

Ignore, let him take further action. If what you say is true it will be wasted money. (Even a text saying she would pay back would count by the way).

Stop ignoring if it goes to court. From your description it sounds like it may. And like I said sounds like no chance, but idiots be idiots.

Savvy_Sue

I would get a copy of the letter to the police. I know you say he has ignored them but it's further evidence of his behaviour. 

It may be worth speaking to Women's Aid to see if getting her own solicitor to send the ex's solicitor a letter would be worthwhile? I'm not sure - the thing is that a solicitor acts on the instructions of the client, so if the client is an idiot, the solicitor may send idiotic letters. Also the solicitor may not realise he is an idiot, and if they get a letter stating that their client has been instructed by the police to cease and desist, they may at least advise the ex that his actions are going nowhere sensible. 

Comms69

jr2093 said:

Hi everyone,
Wondering if you can help. My Mum's ex partner is being a nightmare - he gifted her throughout the relationship money towards her car and a TV for christmas (I know she shouldn't have accepted the gifts but hindsight is a great thing). However, it soon became apparent that he was very toxic so she eventually broke things off with him. Since then, he has been stalking and harassing her, threatening to kill her if she doesn't pay him and ignoring police warnings to stay away. 
He will follow her around, and sit in his car watching her. The police are involved and have visited him but he won't stay away. Today, we received a letter in the post from a solicitors, saying if she doesn't pay in 7 days they will take further action. There was no written agreement in place to say it was a "loan" what he is claiming, he is saying there are bank statements showing he gave her this money but even that isn't true because my Mum has checked back and he gifted her in cash. I don't know what to do now - should a reply be made to the solicitors to say we are not paying? I'm not worried about court etc because I know there is no evidence that he loaned her anything, no agreement, no texts, nothing. But this is a very tricky situation. My Mum isn't very good with technology or writing stuff so that's why I'm doing this on her behalf. Thank you for any help

There's 2 seperate factors here.

1: she need to go get a non-molestation order - this really is the best way to keep him away

2: the legal side of things - legal proceedings generally cannot be harassment - so she will need to deal with any claim, and potentially go to court for it. Please dont assume that lack of evidence will be the deciding factor, his witness statement and proof of money withdrawals could be enough. So either respond now, or if not, defintely respond if she gets court papers.

Fireflyaway

Definitely keep a log of what he is doing and when. Keep every contact ( email, text, call), every time he is spotted etc make a note of the time and location. Do you have a police contact? Keep updating them with this info. I agree that contacting woman's aid is a good idea. I'm sure you are already ignoring his contacts. Don't react or respond at all.  Definitely call 999 if there is an immediate danger. 
I'd ignore the solicitors letter. If it does to to court then that is the time to explain what's happening. It seems because his previous behaviour didn't get noticed he is trying a new tactic. Hopefully he will give up when he realizes it's not working.