Noise issue

BrowndOff

I've only just joined, mainly to share a situation with fellow sufferers and try and be supportive at the same time subsequently.
We have a situation with next door which was sold to the local council a while back. The previous neighbour was pretty quiet and life was good. We got on fine, and it was all good.
Now, all I hear is stomping, mainly because it's an old house and the joists go through to next door. I am not too annoyed by that, but I am with cupboard doors slamming against our party wall. It went on for months, but I thought it was just me being overly sensitive. Anyway, I am now on anxiety medication and am almost obsessed with this one noise because it is random, is pretty severe and wakes me up on many an occasion. It got to the point where I would sleep with noise isolating earbuds and ambient music/nature. It didn't happen before with previous neighbour, and I now perceive it as an intrusion, and has reduced my enjoyment of the house considerably.
I finally talked to next door very politely and explained the situation. I have spoken to them twice after, in the street or by chance in the garden. I made a point to not be confrontational and become familiar, and they seem decent enough people. 
I offered to fit dampers, but with covid lockdown occurring, that's delayed. They give the impression that they are laid back, and not too fussed about much, so I wonder if it's just a case of ignorance and some stupidity; after all, it's an easy fix for some peace. I have even ensured our cupboards are dampened, but wondering why I bother sometimes. Still, I remain positive 
Some days it's quiet, then out of the blue it's back to normal with the cupboards reverberating through the 9 inch party wall. I have been diarising, for what it's worth. There was a particular day last year which, I think, has caused my noise sensitivity to go off the usual scale because it was all day and was endless banging cabinets. At the time, I was on my own which didn't help but since then I am not and my partner has confirmed my doubt about whether it is unreasonable.
I know it could be worse, having read countless forums relating to terrible neighbours, and I sympathise genuinely.
Having addressed the situation, at last, I can hopefully fit dampers at some point, but thought that as I'd raised the issue more than once now, they would be aware and try to be thoughtful. But apparently not. If it was the other way round, I'd have fitted some to my cupboards and been thoughtful, but we're all different.
I'm not bothered about the selling side and formal disputes because we are here for a good while, and at the same time I want to resolve it. It's an easy solution, to me, so if the tenant subsequently refuses ( call me cynical )after lockdown, having said no problem, I'm not sure what to do as it is affecting my mental health. It all sounds a bit ridiculous and trivial maybe, but I'm disturbed by how it is affecting me. I have also had some counselling, which is useful to an extent, but the noise is a difficult one to overcome in my mind, although I won't stop trying.
Just after some thoughts on this.
I am aware that it is a balancing act, and that if they move, then it could be a whole lot worse.
I own our house, btw.
Thank you.

missile

You have my sympathies. 

[Deleted User]

Its hard to imagine cupboard doors been shut so hard that they can be heard thru a 9" wall? But obviously they can, have you thought of putting up something on your side to decrease the noise level?

poppellerant

Have you tried adding background noise? Such as a radio on very quietly so you can hear it, but only barely. 

It sounds as though you are used to the silence and that's why anything but silence is a shock to you.  Adding background noise might help to take the edge from this silence that you're used to right now and it might also make other noises, such as from your neighbour, sound less severe.

Please don't think that I am saying that background noise is going to eliminate other noises.  But it just might help you to recover your mental health enough to make it through these difficult times.

BrowndOff

poppellerant said:

Have you tried adding background noise? Such as a radio on very quietly so you can hear it, but only barely. 

It sounds as though you are used to the silence and that's why anything but silence is a shock to you.  Adding background noise might help to take the edge from this silence that you're used to right now and it might also make other noises, such as from your neighbour, sound less severe.

Please don't think that I am saying that background noise is going to eliminate other noises.  But it just might help you to recover your mental health enough to make it through these difficult times.

poppellerant said:

Have you tried adding background noise? Such as a radio on very quietly so you can hear it, but only barely. 

It sounds as though you are used to the silence and that's why anything but silence is a shock to you.  Adding background noise might help to take the edge from this silence that you're used to right now and it might also make other noises, such as from your neighbour, sound less severe.

Please don't think that I am saying that background noise is going to eliminate other noises.  But it just might help you to recover your mental health enough to make it through these difficult times.

Yes. I have a white noise machine, but it doesn't help with loud impact noise, only general high frequency like voices.

BrowndOff

I've tried but I'm through with avoiding it by wearing headphones with loud noise, just to blot it out. It cuts me off from my partner, just delays the inevitable, and doesn't help. Anyway, I am trying to desensitise myself through cbt and meds etc but just putting dampeners on will resolve it, so won't drop that. If the person eventually is funny about it ( I'm a pessimist ), I will speak to the council for their advice, as it's an easy fix, has caused me documented distress and is hardly unreasonable. If it was the other way round, I'd do it with no argument - and I'd do it without being approached. But some people just don't seem to give a damn, and don't want to give and take.

BrowndOff

venison said:

Its hard to imagine cupboard doors been shut so hard that they can be heard thru a 9" wall? But obviously they can, have you thought of putting up something on your side to decrease the noise level?

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BrowndOff

Yes, but the forums are littered with the same problem. The void within the cabinets creates a rush of air that magnifies. The impact db is roughly when severe 40db, against ambience of 18 or so - although this is a rough idea and probably way off as just a phone app.
Even plates and cutlery on the worktops are very clear, but I am not overly bothered; just the bloody slamming, as it's completely unnecessary. Dampeners will help, as they are obviously heavyhanded and I'm not asking for the world, just some peace for my sanity. We get on fine, and I am a good neighbour. We don't play loud music, have raucous parties, and my daughter doesn't scream all night. We make general noise but don't slam cupboards.

BrowndOff

Putting up a false wall would take up too much room, and the flanking sounds would still go through the structure ( it can be heard in every room ). Straight to wall is no good as will only reduce high frequency/airborne - and dampeners are £10 compared to redoing the nearest room and spending several hundred pounds. The house is victorian, and I was just lucky with the previous people. We lived in a terraced victorian before but the neighbours on obe side were a nightmare and we sold up after renting out for a year. The tenants loved the house! It's a funny old world.

RelievedSheff

I really don't think dampers on the cupboard doors will sort this problem out. You will still be listening for noise now.

I fully understand the impact that neighbour noise has on your life. We endured it for 12 years before we finally had enough equity in our house to sell up and move on. It was only when we moved into our current detached property that we realised just what an effect living with the noise had had on our lives. We are both much happier now, even the dog is much more settled!

TELLIT01

There are really two aspects to be addressed.  1. To get the neighbours to take more care when shutting the cupboard doors and (2). desensitise yourself to the noise.  Addressing (1) should automatically reduce the problem for you but initially at least you are still going to be on edge, just waiting for it to happen. 

Unfortunately, the banging doors will probably be far more apparent to you than to you neighbours as,ironically, the door closing will insulate the neighbour from the noise, whereas the wall will amplify it for you.  Once lockdown is over, would it be possible to ask one of the neighbours to come round so they can hear the noise from your side?  That, combined with fitting soft close hinges may go a long way to sorting things.