Is it really impossible?

Bossypants

Comms69 said:

Bossypants said:

pleasedelete said:

ILikePineapples91 said:

 my ex seems to know a bit but I’m not sure how or how much. He says that because family installed most of the electrics in the 70s (very well, with no problems but he doesn’t have certificates) that it will cost a lot to be checked over before they can sell?

I don't think he knows very much at all as that isn't true. 

I think the lesson here is for OP to stop listening to her ex. Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to buy a house with a former partner, no matter how well they get along? Absolute recipe for disaster.

I'm sorry this thread has been so discouraging for you OP, but better to be realistic at the end of the day.

well it may be they hope to become current rather than former partners

Honestly that would make it worse in my book. Moving in with someone under the guise of 'just friends making a practical living decision', while privately knowing that you want more for them and intend to make that clear after they've bound themselves to you legally/financially/in everyday life is pretty skeevy in my book. (Obviously it would be different if they discussed it with OP first and she was on board, but even then, I would question the sensibleness of buying a house together in a relationship only just reignited).

Comms69

Bossypants said:

Comms69 said:

Bossypants said:

pleasedelete said:

ILikePineapples91 said:

 my ex seems to know a bit but I’m not sure how or how much. He says that because family installed most of the electrics in the 70s (very well, with no problems but he doesn’t have certificates) that it will cost a lot to be checked over before they can sell?

I don't think he knows very much at all as that isn't true. 

I think the lesson here is for OP to stop listening to her ex. Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to buy a house with a former partner, no matter how well they get along? Absolute recipe for disaster.

I'm sorry this thread has been so discouraging for you OP, but better to be realistic at the end of the day.

well it may be they hope to become current rather than former partners

Honestly that would make it worse in my book. Moving in with someone under the guise of 'just friends making a practical living decision', while privately knowing that you want more for them and intend to make that clear after they've bound themselves to you legally/financially/in everyday life is pretty skeevy in my book. (Obviously it would be different if they discussed it with OP first and she was on board, but even then, I would question the sensibleness of buying a house together in a relationship only just reignited).

Agreed on both points. 

letsbetfair

Buying it together with the ex sounds like an awful idea. If people buy with platonic friends, issues often come up if say one friend finds a partner. Sounds like, if you and the ex could afford the house, you and your ex would be relying on your family putting in a lot of the money - again, this is a minefield. This kind of issue is likely to be amplified if you own with an ex - for example, even if you're happy living with your ex forever, what happens if you want to move in with a future partner who doesn't want to live with your ex?

You won't be able to buy it unless family help out significantly (though if prices come down a lot it might help). You could always try chatting to your dad, or could consider cheaper (or shared ownership) places elsewhere.

snollygoster7

I'd try talking to the beneficiaries. Maybe you can come to an agreement where you get gifted 25% from your dad, you can buy another 25% yourself and then effectively rent the other half from whoever is left IF they are willing to do that. 

It might work depends on a lot of criteria, but the plus points are there for the beneficiaries too (eg a potentially low risk tennant).

As others have said don't get financially in to bed with your ex. Only one place that's heading.

Titus_Wadd

My only positive advice would be to let the executor know you might be interested in buying so that they wouldn't pay estate agent commission if you eventually buy.  (stop reading here if you don't want to read my further ramblings)

I'm trying to see this idea from the ex-partner's perspective:  He's moved out of the family home and contributing towards his children and his home is "a room".  I can see why he would consider moving back would improve his circumstances, assuming the break up wasn't a screaming "!!!!!! of Babylon" (or the male equivalent ) scenario.  Maybe he is regretting moving out purely on a finance and comfort basis, but that isn't the same as regretting the separation.  Offering this plan to jointly buy the house is stirring to the same "feeling" in you, that you'd have easier childcare cover, a nice family home, foot on the ladder, pooled resources, shared future hardships.  I don't need to know why or how you split up, but be honest with yourself about both your motives behind a joint enterprise.

I'm a Baby Boomer and my parents married in 1950, their view of "staying together" was based on a similar premise; that "working at their marriage" meant that each of them and the children continued to live in a comfortable family home, other financial economies of scale,  no change of schools etc.  Had parted, their salaries would have had to support two lower value households with consequent upheaval and moving costs.  I don't know whether we would have been happier had our parents lived apart; we children were all affected by their decision to stay together.

OP if you want to reunite with your ex you have to be honest with yourself; if it's your partner is the one trying to get you back together, be honest about how that makes you feel.  The house purchase part would be tricky, deciding who owns what proportion of the house, how the shares are dissolved in the future, are they held in trust for the children?  Would your dad retain his quarter and you buy the remaining 3/4? The legal stuff would be decided eventually but how you both feel about living together separately sounds very messy for you and your kids.