WWYD - Friend's birthday following breavement.

gettingtheresometime

A really good friend has recently lost a close relative (not to the virus but it certainly didn't help). Obviously we can't go to see the friend & won't be able to pay our respects at whatever sort of funeral will be allowed but my quandry is that the friend has a birthday coming up and I don't know what the 'right' thing to do is in these circumstances.

It seems totally wrong to ignore the birthday but at the same time it seems totally inappropriate to wish them a happy birthday when you know it's going to be anything but that.

tia for any wise words......

TripleH

Send a blank birthday card and write your own message such as 'have a wonderful day, you are in our hearts' or words to that effect. 
A happy message but doesn't have to be happy birthday.

Mands

gettingtheresometime said:

A really good friend has recently lost a close relative (not to the virus but it certainly didn't help). Obviously we can't go to see the friend & won't be able to pay our respects at whatever sort of funeral will be allowed but my quandry is that the friend has a birthday coming up and I don't know what the 'right' thing to do is in these circumstances.

It seems totally wrong to ignore the birthday but at the same time it seems totally inappropriate to wish them a happy birthday when you know it's going to be anything but that.

tia for any wise words......

As someone who has been bereaved in the last year I can say that, in my experience, you are unlikely to cause offence by trying to be nice.  Don't overthink this.  Your heart is in the right place.

Send a card, send flowers, make a phone call.  And you already have the words ...

"It seems totally inappropriate to wish you a happy birthday when I know it's going to be anything ... but I wanted you to know that you (and deceased if you think it's suitable) are in my thoughts."

Mands

gettingtheresometime

Thank you very much for those suggestions & I think I will incorporate them both....a nice blank card with the words as suggested by Mands. 

I may also send it in another envelope if that makes sense, addressed to their OH, with a note to hand it over if they feel it's appropriate.

lesalanos

From someone on the other side I certainly wanted people to recognise my birthday. 
I realise that different people deal with things differently though.

Yes it will be an emotional day but maybe something like thinking of you on your birthday would be good

Torry_Quine

I had my birthday very soon after my husband died.  Much as it was hard and I didn't want to celebrate I'd have felt worse if people had ignored it.

sheramber

My birthday was  three months after my husband died.  I  did not appreciate 'Happy Birthday ' wishes but liked  " thinking of you today with  some flowers.

RJH2018

After losing my son, I wasn't happy with receiving gifts or birthday wishes but a friend sent me some simple flowers and a card saying she was thinking of me. That was a pretty perfect compromise. 

svain

Following the passing of my wife, I didnt like the way people started tip-toeing around me. I didn't need them to be tactful, it just pro-longed the grief. Any kind words in card (whether its Happy Birthday or not) caused me no offence at all

TripleH

I think one of the hardest things my mum had to do was send my brother a birthday card 2 months after my sad died from just her. (It was hard for both of them). What is nice is that my dad was always renowned for sending silly cards and my mum has kept this up to preserve some continuity.