Adoption experiences.

skimper

Me & OH have been trying for a baby for over 2 years now, we've had all tests done and nothing is wrong its just not happening, so our only option would be ivf. 
Im 31 & OH is 26. Watching our friends with kids is heartbreaking, i dont think ill ever hear someone call me mummy, run for cuddles or have that unconditional love. 

We've had a serious conversation about adopting a child instead, maybe this is the path we were meant to take?

Im looking for others experiences on what it was like for them adopting a child, if you were a child being adopted, did your family love them as their own?
I guess im worried i wont love someones else child! 

hazyjo

I was adopted and my family are just as much my family as my sister's. You basically take on a new identity. I have never ever felt anything other than 'family'. I never ever think that they're not 'my family'. I do wonder what's genetic - nature vs nurture and did a couple of projects on it at school/college, but it has never made a difference to my life.

My parents were in a similar boat. No medical reason why it didn't happen. They eventually got me, and 20 months later my sister arrived naturally. I'm now 49, so obviously a long time ago.

btw you are still very young. You may not think it, and I know it's likely to get harder rather than easier, but you really need to just relax. I know that's easier said than done. Why don't you give yourselves 6 months off to re-set your brains and relationship and then try again? I presume you have tried all the usual recommendations (not having sex every day, loose underwear for him, positions, etc etc).

Not sure if you're the male or female btw. Even if female and 31, it's really not that old.

onwards&upwards

I would say that children who are looking for adoptive parents these days are very rarely given up as newborn babies.  They will usually have been removed from their parents for their own safety, often at an older age.  This can mean they are facing often serious struggles with both physical and mental health.  

I know people who’ve done it and it can be amazing, but it’s not easy and you need to be prepared for that.  

hazyjo

Agree with above. Was referring to adopting a baby in my post. Obviously that's much harder than in 1970!

harrys_nan

my daughter has adopted her foster daughter, a baby she looked after since the child was born and there was no way she could have given her up. She is a beautiful child, adored by her 2 big brothers and all the rest of the family as well, I am lucky enough to look after her 2 days a week, apart from the current situation, but I will be back there as soon as I am able. Please investigate that possibility, it's a long process but so so worth it. We are a very lucky family to have that happy gorgeous child in our lives.

Gavin83

onwards&upwards said:

I would say that children who are looking for adoptive parents these days are very rarely given up as newborn babies.  They will usually have been removed from their parents for their own safety, often at an older age.  This can mean they are facing often serious struggles with both physical and mental health.  

I know people who’ve done it and it can be amazing, but it’s not easy and you need to be prepared for that.  

I agree with this. Some people will of course get babies but these are a small minority of the children available for adoption and most couples will ask for a baby so if their insistent the maths mean that most wont get a child. The majority of children available for adoption are either older with mental health issues or children with disabilities. If this isn't a problem for you then you shouldn't struggle to find a child but it isn't for everyone.

I know someone who adopted a severely autistic child who is often extremely violent towards them. They're only young at the moment but it's likely to get worse as they age (a punch in the face from an 8 year old hurts a lot less than from a 16 year old) and it's put significant strain on their marriage so you do need to consider this option carefully.

skimper

Thanks for everyones replies. 
Were at the info stage atm, we've not finished our fertility journey yet, and until we do we wont be starting the process, were just info gathering atm.

I know the chance of getting a new born is very slim & we would consider a child of toddler age. 
I know a few peoppe who have adopted and their children were around 5 at the time
 Im under no illusion that this is an easy option & one we will consider very carefully. Its just good to get experiences on both sides. 

Savvy_Sue

Even a toddler may be seriously damaged by what's happened in their short lives, so may not be any easier than an older child. 

fostering to adopt can be a very good path. 

One thing to be aware of at the moment is that there is a desperate need for foster carers. A lot of older foster parents have had to step back because of health concerns. Now might be a very good time to go into this.