My partner has debt - how much do I do?

a_silver_lining

Having read your update and with you going without: I would write out your income, all outgoings, his contribution and show him how much you have left over at the end of the month to spend on yourself. Ask him to do the same. Then show how by taking on more of the rent it will leave you with less/ equal to him to spend and how it will enable him to then pay off his debts. I think any good person will see that and appreciate that every time they spend £8 on coffee they're taking away that opportunity from you whilst you help them pay off their debt. Hopefully that will help him keep on track and not frivolously spend?

[Deleted User]

I'm not sure taking over his finances is a good idea.  You helped him out before, he's consolidated to pay off the overdraft and then racked it back up to £2k.  I wouldn't trust him not to take out a secret credit card if you were in control of all the finances and he wanted to buy something.  He's an adult so he should take some responsibility for himself and not be given pocket money like a child.  

Mr87

Maybe encourage him to pay for everything in cash? The £8 coffee habit can be a difficult one to break. Ridiculous as it seems. I used to buy coffee at work all the time. It became routine. Show him the demotivator on MSE!

-taff

SavingAway88 said:

. He has pulled himself out of debt before

But he didn't. You did, and then formulated a pay back plan. If you intend to hold the purse srtings for the rest of your life and trust him not to overspend on whatever account he has access to, then you can do that.

Or you can encourage him to budget properly and not live beyond his means. And don't encourage him to live beyond his means by inviting him to social events he can't afford. or at least cut down on them.

EimearF

I feel for you because my husband was doing similar things while we were clearing debt £15 a day at work on lunch and snacks while I had 50p soup despite earning way more. It’s very frustrating.
ill second getting him to listen to Dave Ramsey. 

Sitting and working out the budget together more than me just dealing with it helped get some buy in to a more sensible lifestyle. 

Another thing I found hit home was telling him when he spent frivolously he was taking that money away from our future children’s security. That one really worked! 

SavingAway88

EimearF said:

Another thing I found hit home was telling him when he spent frivolously he was taking that money away from our future children’s security. That one really worked! 

That's a really great idea! I know it's habit, but I always think 'if I have this now what am I taking this away from' whereas he just thinks 'I want this now' and doesn't think beyond this!
As it is, it looks like he won't be able to buy all those coffees and lunches out for the forseeable. Being stuck at home might give him a chance to realign!

EimearF

SavingAway88, you are right. Whilst this is a terrible situation, it is an opportunity to see what you really need and whats optional. Maybe that will sink in for him.
I nearly splurged again before getting my emergency fund together by booking a cruise.. thankfully i didnt book it and its scared me into building a bigger emergency fund as its made me realise how easily everything can go from rosey to awful in a few weeks.  

zippygeorgeandben

EimearF said:

SavingAway88, you are right. Whilst this is a terrible situation, it is an opportunity to see what you really need and whats optional. Maybe that will sink in for him.
I nearly splurged again before getting my emergency fund together by booking a cruise.. thankfully i didnt book it and its scared me into building a bigger emergency fund as its made me realise how easily everything can go from rosey to awful in a few weeks.  

I am always looking at going on a cruise. Been looking at one for July 2021.  Any you would recommend?! Princess? Oceania?

EimearF

zippygeorgeandben said:

EimearF said:

SavingAway88, you are right. Whilst this is a terrible situation, it is an opportunity to see what you really need and whats optional. Maybe that will sink in for him.
I nearly splurged again before getting my emergency fund together by booking a cruise.. thankfully i didnt book it and its scared me into building a bigger emergency fund as its made me realise how easily everything can go from rosey to awful in a few weeks.  

I am always looking at going on a cruise. Been looking at one for July 2021.  Any you would recommend?! Princess? Oceania?

We love Royal Caribbean. We have done 4 cruises with them and will definitely go with them again once all this calms down. And i can save up and pay without debt! 

D_M_E

Do you know exactly what his income is per month?

If so, then match the same amount from your income and put what's left into a savings account, and tell him that his money and your matching amount is all there is for the month and when it's gone, that is it, no more, nothing until the next payday.

You say you are getting married - tell him every coffee is one less guest at the wedding and if he carries on spending then all you will be able to afford is a registry office ceremony with 2 witnesses grabbed off the street.