Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay to receive my own wedding gift?

practicalspender

So they're in so much debt that £55 is a struggle yet they've just got married (even £200 appears to be a struggle for them) and are about to pop out a sprog that they can ill afford. Maybe they need to reassess their spending or priorities? All we are missing is the gloomy looking photo of the pregnant newly weds!

pixiebel81

practicalspender said:

So they're in so much debt that £55 is a struggle yet they've just got married (even £200 appears to be a struggle for them) and are about to pop out a sprog that they can ill afford. Maybe they need to reassess their spending or priorities? All we are missing is the gloomy looking photo of the pregnant newly weds!

Again, you have no real idea of their circumstances. What if one of them lost their job six months into the pregnancy? Or they live in Northern Ireland and got pregnant before abortion was legalised??

DPS-2016

Certainly, tell the other party involved - they should know (if only not to make the same mistake last time!).  
Knowing how these things go, the postal service usually won't let you look at the package or inspect it prior to paying any changes but I would have thought that you ought to be entitled to know what is on the customs declaration - these things are usually vague but could give you an idea of what's in it.  
Obviously you can ask the sender.  
I think going into debt for a gift is a big no-no, but for a such a high customs charge I'd either expect it to be something reasonably valuable - or customs are adding on some ludicrous standard handling charges or such (not sure if this is a thing like with the Royal mail default £1+ underpaid postage charge).  
If you've created your own list and it's something off there, if you would have bought it anyway it may be cheaper and therefore factor in to your usual expenditure?  
Congratulations, by the way!

emsi_b

Congratulations on both the wedding and the baby! I'm now back at work after maternity leave, and I know that £55 would be an extremely unwelcome bill, especially as you haven't planned for it and budgeted it in. 
I would absolutely suggest that you contact the sender. Someone previously has reworded the dilemma into a question that does the trick. If they weren't aware there would be a charge, then hopefully they can at least contribute towards the charge. If they knew there would be a charge and expected you to pay it... then let them be offended when you don't accept the parcel! A gift with strings attached is not a gift.
Finally, try not to dwell on this or get upset about it (easier said than done, I know). £55 covered 10 weeks of baby classes that got me out and socialising in a non-judgmental space. If you decide not to pay the charge, remind yourself what that money was spent on instead.

crmism

Your savings must be pretty precarious if you cannot afford to pay the freight charge, so you really need to look carefully at your present spending habits and budget accordingly, cutting out what isn't necessary and limiting your expenditure to essentials.
You don't say what outgoings you normally have, but whatever they are sacrifices need to be made, particularly as you are expecting or have had a child and the consequent expense of raising it. You must surely have taken that into account before you became pregnant - or didn't you?