To contact or not contact the sellers?

gingercordial · 11 February 2020 at 3:12PM

We are FTBs who have had an offer accepted on a house a week and a half ago. The sellers are looking for somewhere to move to so there will be a chain, however long that might be. We are in no great rush although of course now that we've found somewhere we're keen to move! (Completely aware this may all fall through but I have to be allowed to be a bit excited about it.)

We have had the memorandum of sale through so we now know the names (and address obviously) of the sellers. I had thought it would be nice to send a note or card with our details in case they ever need to contact us directly, and wish them luck with finding somewhere. However:

1. Does that sound pushy? I don't mean we want them to hurry up. Perhaps best to wait until we know they have found somewhere? Or just leave out the bit wishing them luck?

2. Is it a bad idea generally? We don't actually want to circumvent the EA as they've been fine so far but I thought it would be good to have the option, but equally perhaps it's better to ensure things always go through official channels.

3. I mentioned this to my mother and she said I should absolutely not do this as it was overstepping and would be bothering them. She said the buyers had contacted them last time my parents moved, and she was really annoyed by it because "it's still my house, it's not yours yet, go away". But my darling mother is not necessarily the arbiter of this! I have no idea if she's representative or not...

I am obviously massively overthinking this. So people of MSE, what's the etiquette?

Thank you!

JGB1955 · 11 February 2020 at 3:18PM

I agree with your Mum. The vendors already have your contact details from the memorandum of sale. They are paying their Estate Agent to act as the 'go-between'. I have just sold my father's house and never once spoke to or had contact with the buyers. I was paying the Estate Agent good money to do that on my behalf.

cattie · 11 February 2020 at 3:21PM

I wouldn't contact them personally. If they want to contact you, then that's fine, but as a vendor I'd want any contact to be via ea unless I tell buyers they are free to contact me with any queries etc. When I sell I always leave a welcome to your new home card & a bottle of vino for the buyers, which I think people always appreciate, especially if they are buying first home.

davidmcn · 11 February 2020 at 3:25PM

I wouldn't contact them unless there actually becomes a need to bypass the agents/solicitors, or you need to agreed something which makes more sense to discuss direct.

gingercordial · 11 February 2020 at 3:32PM

OK that's three immediate replies as "no" across the board - I will leave it then! I think I just assumed you should always send some kind of thank you note - and yes my mum would kill me if I didn't do that in other circumstances (even though I am nearly 40)

That's really sweet of you @cattie.

Thank you all for saving me from annoying them!

AdrianC · 11 February 2020 at 4:30PM

gingercordial said:

We have had the memorandum of sale through so we now know the names (and address obviously) of the sellers.

And they have a copy of that, too...

I had thought it would be nice to send a note or card with our details in case they ever need to contact us directly, and wish them luck with finding somewhere.
...
1. Does that sound pushy?
2. Is it a bad idea generally?
3. I mentioned this to my mother and she said I should absolutely not do this as it was overstepping and would be bothering them. She said the buyers had contacted them last time my parents moved, and she was really annoyed by it because "it's still my house, it's not yours yet, go away". But my darling mother is not necessarily the arbiter of this! I have no idea if she's representative or not...

1 and 2 are entirely dependent on the individual recipient. You like the idea, your mother does not. That's a 50/50 split, then. Do you know whether the vendors are nearer your mother's attitude or yours...? We haven't met them, you have.

Personally, I think you're probably nearer the norm than your mother. But, then, the general public never fail to surprise me with their attitudes...

Alter_ego · 11 February 2020 at 4:36PM

I always give the vendor my contact number and email and say that I am happy for them to contact me if neccessary.

gingercordial · 11 February 2020 at 4:52PM

AdrianC said:

Do you know whether the vendors are nearer your mother's attitude or yours...? We haven't met them, you have.

Ah no, they were not present for either of our viewings, so we haven't met them. All I can say is that they are much, much tidier and more minimalist than us! How that translates to what they might like on this front, I have no idea.

SmashedAvacado · 11 February 2020 at 5:47PM

i would wait until you are a little further down the line - if there are things you want to ask? be shown how they work etc, then that might be a good idea. But i would wait until you are closer to exchange

I am currently buying a place where there is no agent, so we have had to contact the sellers for everything - and its actually fine. You have to be respectful, but its usually a lot better than via the agents, who typically dont listen carefully enough to what you are saying and then communicate things badly.

iampetesmith · 11 February 2020 at 5:59PM

I didn't contact ours, I just let the EA do it and then there's a good record of what's going on. I saw the vendors more times after the sale had gone through and we moved in, they only moved 5 minutes down the road and had a couple of letters and the odd parcel turn up so I just went down to their new address to give it to them. He didn't really know why we were getting them as he'd had the mail redirected, but it was only a few items and there have been no more since.

Falafels · 11 February 2020 at 6:21PM

When I was selling my house there was a bit of a holdup in the transaction, and my purchaser was getting very anxious - according to the EA. I explained the what the situation was to the EA, and also said that I'd be fine about her (purchaser) emailing me - which she subsequently did. I wouldn't have been very pleased if she'd just contacted me out of the blue!