Can't cope full time

workmummy

Hi everyone I'm new home and I don't really have a question as such. I'm just wanting to find out how all you working parents manage?


Bit of background on me
I have a 5 & 7 year old, I have always worked and went part time when I had my children. I have now been full time for just over a year but I am really struggling and especially stressing about work/life.


My oh also works full time but shift work so maybe 3/4 days a week whereas I work Mon-Fri we juggle school trips between ourselves and mil/fil


I am supposed to start work at 8.30am but on the days where I have to take my kids to breakfast club at 8am I never get to work much before 8.50am, they are ok with this as we work on flexi but it's not great as i work reception so they cover a lot for me


mil & fil in their 70s they are a huge help and kids love them but i know they cannot continue to help forever and I feel so guilty that they have to even though i know they don't mind but they probably do a bit and just don't say it they will come to my home 7am so i can leave for work and they'll take kids to school for 9am then come back dow to pick them up at 3pm and stay with them until i get home at 6pm


I have such awful mum guilt only seeing my babies evenings and weekends and it is only for them that i am still here tbh. I have debt not a huge amount and i am managing to pay it off more than the minimum each month but I just want it paid off now so i can go part time and spend quality time with them while they are little.


I guess I am just stressed and looking for an impossible magical way out but any coping tips would be greatly appreciated

Accountant_Kerry

Its tough when they are young, I went back to work full time when my daughter was 7 months out of necessity.

It gets easier.

comeandgo

Yes, it is tough but do you honestly have to do it. Can you not give up mobile phones, tv,s, holidays and pull belts really tight and spend the time with your children or work part time. There are always choices, you have chosen to work.

workmummy

We have iphones each they cost £15 a month, Tv is all freeview, no holidays we are just scraping the barrel with debts paying off as much as we can to pay them off if i went full time in order to pay the off as part time we were just getting more into debt we are now managing to pay them off but very slowly

Mojisola

workmummy wrote: »

mil & fil in their 70s they are a huge help and kids love them but i know they cannot continue to help forever and I feel so guilty that they have to even though i know they don't mind but they probably do a bit and just don't say it

It would be worth having a chat with the parents-in-law about how much they are helping.

They may well be really enjoying all the contact they have with their grandchildren but ask them to be open about how things are with them. Tell them that you'd rather they were honest with you both if it becomes too much for them than struggle on - and tell them how much you appreciate all they have done for you up to now.

If they are happy to continue, you can relax about that and concentrate on paying down the debt. Every bit that you pay off will make it more manageable if you do have to go part-time in the future.

pinkshoes

Could you work part time (is days a week), then get an evening job doing something else to make up the short fall in money?

E.g. you would wave on two days of breakfast and after school club, could see the kids more, then in the evenings once the kids are in bed work in a supermarket 3 nights a week.

katie4

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billy2shots

Can’t offer any advice but rest assured you are not alone and have nothing to feel guilty about.

My kids are 7 and 9 and our home life is very similar to yours

Share the school runs
Quality time is evening and weekends
Not a lot of cash for holidays during expensive school holidays
My business is 24h 365 so I can get called in on days off or annual leave.

I feel guilty and when I’m tired I don’t want to but I can get frustrated.
I try to see it as a means to an end. Put in the hard graft now, set a good example to the kids and hopefully it will pay off in the years ahead.

Keep chugging and when you get a handle on the debt balance out the work life balance a little more.

Purplepineapple

I understand how it feels. I've literally just started a new job that I chose mainly because of the working hours and location. I worked part time from when my child was 2 years until starting secondary school and it was fine but for the past 3 years I've been full time. I hated it. Rushing to and from work and like you, relying on my parents a lot. I never felt on top of housework, was tired and fed up! I'm sure it contributed to our marriage issues.
If I was in your situation id either put in a request for flexible working and change my hours or look for another job with different hours. Could you start work a bit later to be able to take the kids to school without rushing? Maybe take a shorter lunch to compensate? See where you can make some savings to off set the drop in pay / find a different job with a better hourly rate? Or finish early even 1 or 2 days a week?
Hope you find a solution.

onwards&upwards

katie4 wrote: »

I'd have to then rely on mil/fil again though for childcare and that's not something I want to do, i should mention when husbad works its 12 hours so he doesnt get home till gone 9pm

You haven’t mentioned much about your husband’s contribution to caring for his children? What does he do?

Does he also feel guilty for working?

Socajam

workmummy wrote: »

Hi everyone I'm new home and I don't really have a question as such. I'm just wanting to find out how all you working parents manage?


Bit of background on me
I have a 5 & 7 year old, I have always worked and went part time when I had my children. I have now been full time for just over a year but I am really struggling and especially stressing about work/life.


My oh also works full time but shift work so maybe 3/4 days a week whereas I work Mon-Fri we juggle school trips between ourselves and mil/fil


I am supposed to start work at 8.30am but on the days where I have to take my kids to breakfast club at 8am I never get to work much before 8.50am, they are ok with this as we work on flexi but it's not great as i work reception so they cover a lot for me


mil & fil in their 70s they are a huge help and kids love them but i know they cannot continue to help forever and I feel so guilty that they have to even though i know they don't mind but they probably do a bit and just don't say it they will come to my home 7am so i can leave for work and they'll take kids to school for 9am then come back dow to pick them up at 3pm and stay with them until i get home at 6pm

I have such awful mum guilt only seeing my babies evenings and weekends and it is only for them that i am still here tbh. I have debt not a huge amount and i am managing to pay it off more than the minimum each month but I just want it paid off now so i can go part time and spend quality time with them while they are little.

I guess I am just stressed and looking for an impossible magical way out but any coping tips would be greatly appreciated

It's called being an adult and accepting that you have responsibilities. Nothing in life is easy.
Consider yourself lucky that you have a partner who is in full time work along with yourself, thus easing your financial burden. The one parent families are the ones who would swap places with you in a heart beat.
We never realize how lucky we are until the well become dry.
Yes, I am hard, but there is nothing worse than not having money and struggling until the next pay day.
Children are very flexible, they will adapt whether you are there or not. If you drop dead tomorrow, they will have to cope, just like a lot of children do when one parent dies.
Lastly, drop the guilt and spend the time when you are free by doing quality things with your children - activities that provide lasting memories - that is what they will treasure.