Discount Duck’s Quest For Mortgage Freedom

badmemory

Good luck with the dissertation, not that you need it really as you have done so well so far.

Have you thought of rhubarb batter pudding?  Think toad in the hole!  If you have apples then apple batter pudding, I use a friends glut of crab apples.

DiscountDuck

Thanks so much, folks. I feel really supported and encouraged. 

I’m having a great day today. I wrote a really good paragraph for my literature review section this morning (I know it doesn’t sound like much but every little helps and it takes ages to write a properly referenced good quality paragraph!), got in my work hours for the day while the kids squabbled/played lego/built dens, and then we all went out blackberry picking. We found a great spot with big fat ones and had a really nice time, while getting a dog walk in. 

Leicester city and Leicestershire county have teamed up to make a free app called BetterPoints which rewards you with points for walking half a mile or more, up to four times a day. I love getting a supermarket voucher every few months just for walking my own dog, which I’d do anyway. I’ve finally got to the points level where I can swap my 500 points (it’s 35 per walk) for an Asda voucher, which I’ll use to pick up stocking fillers for the kids for Christmas next time I do an online shop.

I’m still on a bit of a high from the Blue Peter badges and am trying to work out when will be quiet to go to Magna Science Park with a picnic. It’s straight up the M1 near Rotherham in the steel works factory that lots of my great uncles used to work in, so an affordable drive and somewhere I know how to get to easily. I’m going to try to book for when the weather is nice so that other people will want to be outside! 

Hazelnutty

DiscountDuck said:

Thanks HN, I really hope I do. I’m not from the kind of family that takes education this far and I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew. Academia is as much about class and life opportunities as intelligence, and I’m bright but don’t have those other advantages so I really hope I’ve not taken out a scary student loan to then fail. 

Class is definitely an issue in academia and it varies by university and by subject. I teach at a university where the majority of students are first generation so it's the norm not to have many class privileges (and I wouldn't want to teach anywhere where it was the other way around). We never expect students to have summers full of free time for research, for example, as we know almost all will need to do paid work and/or they have caring responsibilities. I always look for funding for placements as should never expect people to have access to parental money. But I know it's different elsewhere. That's why league tables are so damaging - they make out it's a hierarchy of excellence when it's mostly about historical prestige and class. I really hope your university, tutors or fellow students aren't making you feel that you don't fit because that's inexcusable. 

DiscountDuck

Hazelnutty, I’ve been thinking about your kind comment about students being made to feel included regardless of class. I think our tutors do try, because they understand the challenge of studying with a high level of responsibility on top from teaching and having a family while doing their PhD so they get the time pressure and organisation bit. I should give them credit for that, they are nice people. 

What they don’t get is having your head being scrambled because you’re awake at night worrying about if your addict step-brother is going to relapse, or your disabled mum is going to die in front of your kids, and whether she will suffocate as per the most likely scenario which you’re both afraid of, or if you could get her to Switzerland if it came to it, or you’ve been up all night with flashbacks of a horrible childhood torturing you and you daren’t sleep in case your screaming wakes up everyone else. I convince myself they don’t get it because of class, but actually it’s more about upbringing and the consequential mental struggle, and that’s not their job. 

I put on my Uni joining form that I had ptsd and about two years in raised it with a tutor because I was struggling to get to my class as the car park is dark (hardly any lamp posts and half are switched off), then you have to walk between two empty tall buildings in a wide kind of alley (unlit and dark again) to get to the classroom, in a large dark building where the lights are on a sensor so they don’t come on until you step into the corridor. It set my ptsd through the roof. I could hardly even breathe to get from the car to the lecture, fighting the urge to put my back to walls and just freeze, making myself walk it because I really do want to be there and do this course. Part time evening students change each module so I don’t have established friendships where I could ask them to meet me. I didn’t want to ask the security man to meet me in the dark, as he’s a stranger and huge and that would have been worse. 

Anyway, I got brave enough to talk to the tutor and say I was finding it hard, had ptsd and asked if please could we maybe have a light on at least in the porch of the building we were in? She told me I didn’t need a light, I needed to learn to ‘change my story in my head and I would find all things were possible’.  She meant really well and was trying to be nice, but totally dismissed it. She always made a point of telling me I was clever enough to get published and that she hoped I’d do a PhD but that wasn’t what I need, sweet though it was. I didn’t ask for anything again after that. It was an accessibility issue for me, not a mindset problem. I can’t positive think away my neural pathways being burned through. I got very little from that class as I was on edge through it. What I need is a tutor who gets the impact of deprivation and mental illness and perhaps that’s unrealistic and unfair on them as it’s not part of their role. 

So I’m just going to do what I can and hope it’s enough. I’m making baby steps with this dissertation every day and although it’s not where it needs to be, it’s growing and what I’ve got is good quality. One paragraph at a time is going to baby step me to a graduation. Needless to say I I won’t be doing a PhD, I’m going to treat myself to learn how to embroider after this, as I’ve always admired it! Ive got the skeleton template of each section and sub section now, all my aims and objectives, the start of a methodology and a bit of the lit review. It’s coming together in tiny pieces. I really appreciate the support of you folks, it helps a lot. Thanks so much xxx

Hazelnutty

Oh gosh, DD, that's a lot you have on your plate, both historical and current. I'm so sorry you've gone through this and are still facing such struggles and worries. The tutor's response is terrible - damaging and unprofessional. I'm so angry on your behalf. It is our job to listen, believe students when they tell us their lived experiences, take their stated needs seriously, help them find the people in the university who can put that support in place and be a consistent, supportive presence throughout their studies. Do you have a PG director in your department or anyone with a nominated role for pastoral care, inclusivity or disability (there are a lot of different titles out there)? The other route is through your SU, which should have a sabbatical officer with a relevant portfolio. 

The way you're doing your dissertation sounds spot on. It's so much easier to work in pieces if you have the overall structure clear. Good luck!

badmemory

Putting your PTSD to one side (I'm sure you wish you could) any person that expresses a problem with walking in the dark to a place they need to be should have that worry recognised & treated seriously.  Empathy is obviously not some people's strong suit!

Viking_mfw

Sending sympathy because that is appalling that she dismissed it like that and didn't sort out some form of practical help. 

Squirrelz92

How unprofessional of her! I would have been mortified. I think if the shoe was on the other foot she would be just as mad as you! You can't simply 'place' your PTSD to one side! Fingers crossed you manage to find a solution for walking to your class in the dark As for trying to find the time to take your children to the Magna Science park.. take me!!! I love those types of outings. It's a shame it costs as much as it does so you are soooo blessed you no longer have to pay for your children's entry fees. Half tempted to get my two minions into Blue Peter as I worshipped that programme as a child.

Baileys_Babe

My 2 both have Blue Peter badges and we have used them to go to Magna Science Park

We have also used them elsewhere, whenever we have a trip to a different part of the country I look to see where we can go with their badges.

DiscountDuck

Thanks you lot, you’re so lovely. I feel better that you don’t think it was unreasonable to ask for a light on. 

@squirrelz92 I’d love to take another adult that gets as much joy as I do out of these places! For your minions, if you go on the bbc website it tells you exactly how to apply and they’ve got a ‘badges of summer’ thing on at the moment that makes it even easier to know exactly what to do to get one. My two don’t really watch it much (I’m gutted as I like it!) but for an arty/environmentally friendly family they aren’t difficult to get. I’d really recommend giving it a go. 

Unfortunately it won’t be Magna this time @BaileysBabe as I couldn’t get timed entry tickets for this week at a reasonable time, BUT guess who’s going to the Black Country Living Museum on Friday?!!! I’m super excited already and have been really happy all day because I feel so lucky to have a day out again after so long. We are going to take a picnic and I’ve made some jam from our blackberry picking session to go in jam tarts! Also, the hens have been laying brilliantly lately so I’m going to make some mini quiches and a rhubarb cake (we are STILL eating the never ending rhubarb). I can’t wait. Their BP badges mean the money I’ve saved on entry will cover the petrol and parking, making it affordable.