Estranged brother

OldMusicGuy

Patterdalemum wrote: »

Mum only comes to me. I see her once every couple of weeks. We're not really close as too much has happened for us to have a proper relationship. I don't want power of attorney as I'm trying to have as little involvement as possible.

You should definitely walk away IMO. I have a friend in a very similar situation where a sibling is definitely abusing the parents and has siphoned off most of their money through equity release. This sibling lives in the house and exploits the parents but they will not hear a word said against them, so there's no way an elder abuse complaint could be brought.

It will be a right mess when the one or both of the parents die (one is very ill) but my friend has just walked away and keeps their distance. Occasional meets on neutral ground with the parents are all that happens and my friend will not even tell the parents their address as they don't want the other sibling knowing where they are.

Like others said, unless you need the money, save yourself a world of pain. It may be a sad situation but I know our friend will never be reconciled with their sibling (for a whole host of reasons), and the sibling definitely won't change.

Flugelhorn

Malthusian wrote: »

Then the information is pointing strongly towards renouncing and leaving her biggest beneficiary, i.e. the equity release lender, to sort it out. If they take on the administration of the estate you would still be due half of any surplus after all debts are paid, although I would expect the legal costs to be much higher than a beneficiary-executor would pay.

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Suspect this will be the best route - though interesting if the equity release company knew that there was another adult living in the house?

Patterdalemum

OldMusicGuy wrote: »

You should definitely walk away IMO. I have a friend in a very similar situation where a sibling is definitely abusing the parents and has siphoned off most of their money through equity release. This sibling lives in the house and exploits the parents but they will not hear a word said against them, so there's no way an elder abuse complaint could be brought.

It will be a right mess when the one or both of the parents die (one is very ill) but my friend has just walked away and keeps their distance. Occasional meets on neutral ground with the parents are all that happens and my friend will not even tell the parents their address as they don't want the other sibling knowing where they are.

Like others said, unless you need the money, save yourself a world of pain. It may be a sad situation but I know our friend will never be reconciled with their sibling (for a whole host of reasons), and the sibling definitely won't change.

I feel so much empathy for your friend. My situation is the same. My mum always finds a reason to defend my brother but comes to me for support when he kicks off. It's a very difficult situation for people to understand.

Flugelhorn

Patterdalemum wrote: »

I feel so much empathy for your friend. My situation is the same. My mum always finds a reason to defend my brother but comes to me for support when he kicks off. It's a very difficult situation for people to understand.

It is hugely difficult PM and possibly more common than you think, people can be awful to their nearest and dearest and get away with it. At the moment you are having to balance the emotions of helping mum struggle with brother while quietly seething at the said sibling

Silvertabby

Awful situation, OP. As your mum is elderly and unwell, is it possible that she will need to move to a care home?

I'm not an expert on equity release, but I believe that these companies claim their 'dues' either on death - or when the borrower goes into long term care.

If this were to happen, then the bulk of any equity in the house could be used to help pay for said care.

Patterdalemum

Silvertabby wrote: »

Awful situation, OP. As your mum is elderly and unwell, is it possible that she will need to move to a care home?

I'm not an expert on equity release, but I believe that these companies claim their 'dues' either on death - or when the borrower goes into long term care.

If this were to happen, then the bulk of any equity in the house could be used to help pay for said care.

Although mum's health is deteriorating, she's still ok living at home. Personally I'd be happy for her to go into a home if needed. My brother however wpuld see things very differently, as he'd lose him meal ticket.

Malthusian

If the mother lasts another 6 years before needing care, or if the brother was diagnosed with a disability, the remaining value of the home would be disregarded for care fees costs. So assuming no other assets to speak of, she would be eligible for LA care.

Otherwise things are likely to get very nasty, because as Patterdalemum says, she goes into care, he loses the free house. Therefore it is likely he will attempt to stop that happening. The OP might be able to get Social Services to intervene but only with relentless advocacy.

Silvertabby

Malthusian wrote: »

If the mother lasts another 6 years before needing care, or if the brother was diagnosed with a disability, the remaining value of the home would be disregarded for care fees costs. So assuming no other assets to speak of, she would be eligible for LA care.

Otherwise things are likely to get very nasty, because as Patterdalemum says, she goes into care, he loses the free house. Therefore it is likely he will attempt to stop that happening. The OP might be able to get Social Services to intervene but only with relentless advocacy.

But what about the 70% equity release mum has taken out? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I doubt they'd defer payment because her son lives in the house, over 60 or not.

Malthusian

Good point - the equity release loan means age 60 is essentially irrelevant (although with six years to go and her already in deteiorating health, that already looked like the case). So whenever she needs alternative housing there will be a problem.

Google tells me that most equity release lenders would have made the brother sign a waiver confirming he would move out if the mother went into care. That is however just a piece of paper, because they could make him move out whether he signed a waiver or not. The only point in making him sign a waiver is to make sure he knows what will happen in advance and is hopefully less likely to stick his heels in.