Depressed and in urgent need for advice

HampshireH

One of them has started to say I won’t be able to see my kids unless this is sorted as she is struggling badly

This will help neither of you. It will be more expensive for her to have the kids 100% of the time. This is using the kids as a weapon for her personal gain.

Men/women who do this really annoy me. It's so selfish and completely unnecessary. The kids are the ones most negatively affected

DavidDAM

@fatbelly - thank you for your advice. My biggest concern with a potential new job is that I won’t be able to cover my child maintenance costs and a potential rent of £1500 may be deemed too high by the OR.

I could potentially be working and putting my mental health at risk with the official receiver taking more than half of my monthly earnings towards an IPA. I have sought advice and been told to take my time to recover fully and not put my health at risk especially if my living costs won’t be covered anyway.

Would you say that is good advice?

@hampshire - absolutely disgusting what some people will do but she knows I love my kids more than anything in the world and I can’t do without them. In this instance I am stuck as a court process could take ages.

fatbelly

I noticed earlier that you said 'I have been advised not to go back to work' - I can't tell from here whether that is good or bad advice but it does keep things simpler if you don't.

I suspect the OR isn't very interested in you in your current situation. Not everyone who gambles gets a BRO so you may be OK and just need to sit it out till your bankruptcy discharges.

kimplus8

DavidDAM wrote: »

No, the mothers are not aware and I am not wanting them to find them.

These agreements were not done via the CMS and were privately done with them. I have assured both mothers I would cover missed child maintenance payments as soon as I find a job. One of them has started to say I won’t be able to see my kids unless this is sorted as she is struggling badly. She has been taking credit to survive and borrowing from friends and family.

I have been paying both exes the same amount for 3 years. I am not looking to increase payments, just sustain what has always been paid if possible.

Firstly, You do not own them arrears while you were unemployed and not earning any money. Considering you have been paying double the recommended minimum amount it is also unreasonable for them to expect you to do so. Their financial problems are theirs and not yours, if they have not saved/budgeted their money and can't pay their bill then that is down to their financial management, not yours.
Secondly, I can appreciate that a child with additional needs and ongoing health issues can be costly (i have one myself so fully understand this), the child's mother/carer will receive DLA and carers allowance to account for this and will not be left without money. It is non-means tested for a child to receive DLA.
Thirdly, the OR will not take into account your personal relationships with creditors so your sister's money will be part of your bankruptcy with your other debts.
have you considered contacting your creditors and offering 'token' payments, this will bide you some time to pay off your sister and then you can sort out the rest.

Flyright

He cannot 'offer' his creditors anything because he is now a bankrupt. Any creditor contact will be by the Official Receiver. All his creditors now form part of his bankruptcy debts so you should not be encouraging contact with creditors. Any payments to creditors will be conducted by the Official Receiver by way of an IPA.

DavidDAM

@fatbelly - thank you for your response. You mean my current situation as in not working?

Also, can the official receiver pressure or encourage me to work until I am discharged? And will the official receiver get back in touch should I begin work soon after being discharged?

I have never not worked until very recently and the idea of not working for a whole year seems extremely odd to me. However, I have been advised to take it easy, make a full recovery from mental health and ideally begin work after I have been discharged as that will result in minimal stress from the official receiver.

@kimplus - thank you for clarifying this. I have gone back to them to say this but they are insisting I do. I will seek legal advice and ask them to do the same. If they don’t let me see the kids whilst bankrupt and unemployed l assume I will need to go down the legal route. I really hope that doesn’t take a long time.

Minkym00

The OR can only implement an IPA during your bankruptcy. If you were to get a job the day after you are discharged then you would be home and dry. You could then manage your finances as you wish and start repaying your sister at that point if you wish. Perhaps this might salvage the relationship with your family? And would help with your mental health?

If you were being investigated for a BRO then it could take a while, so I'm afraid this is still very much a possibility. The factors that would affect a BRO are the amount of gambling debt compared to the whole debt (i.e. materiality) and proximity to the bankruptcy order. Did you stop gambling a while ago, or did you stop and go bankrupt as your credit ran out? Did you take out any loans close to the bankruptcy? How much for and did you make any repayments? All of the above are considered in determining the length of any BRO.

DavidDAM

Hi minky,
Thanks for your response.

So from all the advice I have been given I guess not working until I am discharged might be best for me. This allows me to recover follow from health issues and also means that beyond discharge I am not worrying about the official receiver. I can manage my own finances and start repaying debts owed to my sister.

A lot of my debt was due to gambling proposes and some or it taken close to the bankruptcy.

However, I did speak to an advisor at the insolvency service who said the key factor in determining whether a BRO would be placed is whether I was able to pay back the repayments from the loans taken out.

They said if there was affordability there then it shows intent to pay back the debt and it is unlikely a BRO would be applied.

I was working at the time of taking out any loans and affordability was always there. The intent to clear my debt was always there.

Minkym00

I’m glad you’ve taken that on board, and I do hope your ex-partners are understanding.

Yes, gambling in itself is not a misconduct. It’s gambling whilst insolvent that is the problem, or taking out a loan for gambling which subsequently made you insolvent on both an income / expenditure basis and also asset / liability basis. If you were solvent and able to afford any loans / credit, but then lost your income, then you’ll be fine.

DavidDAM

Hi Minky,

Indeed, I have taken that on board and fully intend to take this year to improve my health and focus on coming back stronger and better than before. I am seeing this year as a chance for redemption.

In terms of the exes - one is understanding and one isn’t. But instead of just wilting to her every demand I am being quite firm with what I can and can’t do. When I was working and earning very good money I was paying her nearly double what I was officially meant to according to the child maintenance website calculator.

Now in my time of need and difficulty, I am wanting her to have a little understanding of my situation.

The threat of a BRO worried me but feel comfortable that I didn’t do anything that warrants one being imposed.

Bankruptcy is difficult but it is a wake up call and gives people a chance to redeem themselves. I am attending GA meetings and going to sessions with gambling help counsellors.