Partner not working nor claiming benefits

lottieholder

A friend of mine is in a dilemma. I need to go back about 6 years. She was her fathers carer whilst he was dying of cancer. She gave up her flat in Wales to look after him. When he died the Housing Association had said they would look favourably on her keeping the family home but when he died they gave her 3 weeks to move out. She couldn't afford to hire a van to move their furniture so left it behind and the Association moved her into a one bedroom flat in a complex reknowned for its association with drugs.

Move on 3 years and she finds herself unexpectedly pregnant by an on/off partner of many years. She is still in the same one bed flat with her son who is now nearly 3. One bed is a bit of a misnomer. Her partner moved in with her and at first had a job but when she was about 8 months pregnant left it. He hasn't worked since and doesn't claim benefits. She is keeping him and her son.. Myself and other friends keep telling her it can't go on but I think she's scared of telling the powers that be that he's living there. She is in her forties, he's in his sixties. I have no idea what pension he will have, but he's definitely not adding to it when he's off the grid so she may end up keeping him for life.

I'm meeting her for coffee on Monday and I really need to get it through her head that he has to either go or get a job and she has to tell the Housing Association and the Council of her real circumstances.

Can anyone give me advice as to what her future will be if she doesn't face reality?

calcotti

Is she claiming benefits? If so and she has a partner living with her she should have told the relevant authorities so that all benefits could be reassessed on a couples basis. She is not entitled to claim benefits as a single person if she has a partner living with her.

The partner cannot claim benefits separately from your friend. They would have to claim as a couple.

Rubyroobs

If he has worked in recent years and paid NI contributions he may be able to claim contributions based ( new style ) JSA for 6 months. If he is living with your friend she needs to declare he is living there and make a claim for means tested benefits ( Universal credit) which will depend on their rent, and her income etc.

tacpot12

If she doesn't tell the DWP and council her true circumstances, she will, at best, end up with a massive overpayment of benefits that she will spend the rest of her life paying off - she will be extremely poor for the rest of her life as the money will be deducted from the benefits she remains entitled to. At worst, she will be charged with benefit fraud, and could end up receiving no benefits for upto three years AND have to pay back the money and a fine of upto £5,000.

Best thing she can do is to discuss it with him and give him a couple of days to decide if he is staying or going. If he is staying, she needs to make clear that that this is conditional on him co-operating with claiming the benefits that they are entitled to.

They need to get their story straight about when he moved in, so she should review if there is any evidence of him living there that might be known to the DWP, HMRC or council, and tell them that he moved in from the date that she knows that there is hard evidence of him living there.

The benefits for a couple assume that two people can live more cheaply living together than they can living apart, but if she doesn't declare that he is living there, the outcome for her will be immeasurably worse.

If he turns out to be a good father, she might be able to work and come off benefits all together. It may suit them for her to be the breadwinner and him to be the stop-at-home dad.

If he won't co-operate with her claiming the benefits jointly, she needs to lock him out of the flat - it's her flat; he's a guest until the Housing Association add him to the Tenancy Agreement. I would suggest she doesn't ask for this to happen for a few years....

[Deleted User]

The thing is, its not like she isn't aware of all this from the sound of it. What will you telling her the same things again acheive?

I think first of all you need to do some listening and asking, rather than telling. Why is he there? What is the pay off for her (there must be something she is getting out of the situation)? Is he abusive or just useless?

You can't force her to help herself. There must be a reason she hasn't already, until that is dealt with you can talk a wind up, she won't be able to hear you.

I was in a 14 year relationship, it wasn't a good relationship, to say he took advantage is putting it mildly. But he was very manipulative and I was obviously a complete idiot (not going to make any excuses). Its only the last week I have realised that the whole 14 years was based on manipulative lies. He told me he needed me, that there would never be anyone else for him (even when I'd had enough of the relationship, this tied me to him somehow). Now I hear he's getting married lol, three months after he was last here asking for us to get back together. Even last month I'd have disbelieved the situation I now find myself in. And yes, I regret it all. But you have to get to that place to see things clearly some of us are extremely slow to add it all up, unfortunately. BTW he's ghosted me so not even a friendship left. Athough he's actually done me a huge favour. I'm free at last.

But if your friend is being used, and endangering her situation by having him there, she might still not listen to you unless you know why she is doing this.