impossible divorce settlement

desperatesituation

Hi to all


Thank you so much for your replies. Sorry I haven't been back on for a while, I've been getting my head together and also trying to enjoy (!) Christmas. So to answer some points:


Equity: there is no equity because, bluntly, Brexit has killed the housing market, certainly in the bracket in which my house sits. It's also in an area which is quite rural and quiet, and either sells quickly or doesn't sell for ages. She also didn't put in a 50K deposit - she put in about 23K but the judge, in his infinite wisdom, decided I was hiding money and also believed that I was responsible for some of her debt that she hasn't paid off since the marriage (yet somehow I'm solely responsible for mine!)



Her legal fees: she has virtually none. She represented herself through most of the proceedings, except the last hearing. This sounds like a great thing for me but in reality the judges were very patient with her, allowing her to waste time, ask the same questions again and again, raise spurious issues which caused many recesses and extra hearings etc.

desperatesituation

mark5: This was almost exactly my situation! People really don't realise how the family court works unless they're unfortunate enough to be caught up in it.
Judges have absolute domain over everything. They cannot be contradicted or held to account. Unlike in the criminal court, it's not "beyond all reasonable doubt", it's "in all probability". So if the judge takes the side of the mother (who weeps crocodile tears in court), despite her choosing not to work, despite her having behaved atrociously and despite her turning the father's child against him by having incredibly inappropriate conversations with the child - it all means nothing if the judge takes her side.


There is some naiive supposition that suggests people will generally 'do the right thing'; this is the same crap that has led to mandatory mediation at the start of divorce hearings on the basis that somehow it was all a big misunderstanding. The fact is that, unfortunately, some people are driven by a need for revenge. But this is by-the-by: the family court is woefully unbalanced and unfair and due to privacy concerns and the need to protect children, it is a closed book.


I have had to put my feelings to one side and deal with practical concerns - if I keep this hanging over me emotionally, I will ruin the rest of my life (as well as my current partner's, and possibly my child's). I need to deal with the practical consequences of what is, frankly, a f****d system.


Again, many thanks to those who have responded with constructive advice and support. It's easy to feel as if you're desperately alone in this situation and I appreciate everyone's help.

Bossyboots

Unfortunately you have summed up the family court system perfectly. I don't know what drives Judges to make the decisions they do but your situation is very familiar.


I wish you well in whatever decision you take to move forward from here.

username12345678

I feel for the OP, what a horrendous position to be put in.

It is no wonder men are refusing to marry in ever larger numbers.