what would you think

ohsosad

Hello,

Going thru a bit of a bad patch in my marriage, and found out that my hubbie was seeing someone behind my back. He says she was onlya friend, BUT, he did kiss her. He says when he kissed her he regretted it straight away, and told her it would never happen again.

I found out because she sent him a txt message.

I confronted her, and she is saying that they were actually "seeing" each other. She had feelings for him (and he also confirmed that she told him she had feelings for him), infact, she told him she loved him (they were seeing each other for 3 weeks). He apparently didnt think she was meaning it because he cant possible see how someone could have those kinds of feelings after only 3 weeks, and anyway, he says, he always told her it was never going to be that kind of relationship.

I am absolutely devestated. I kind of thought something was wrong with us, and one day I did ask him if he was happy, and he said he wasnt. We had a couple of arguments, and one night a great big argument (this was before I found out about them), he went out for a little while, told me to get the kids to bed, and he would come back, and talk to me (however, he went to see her, and this was apparently the first, and only time he kissed her). when he came back he said he wasnt happy with the way things were going with us, but, he didnt want us to split up, he wanted to make things work. He also said that he didnt feel the same about me as he used to, but, wanted to "fall in love with me again"

I found out from his phone bills how many times he contacted her by text and by actually phoning her, I dont undertstanding if she was just a friend why he needed to contact her that many times.

I found out about them on a Thursday, but, the day before, he apparently went fishing (he was out all night which is usual for when he goes fishing), but, we went to see her beforehand. When I found out about them, I asked if he was with her the day before, he says he wasnt but, he was, now she did say that he left her about 9.30, but straight after she told me that she said that she wasnt at work the next day!!!!!
Now, I found out about this through her (about a week or so after I found out about them), so, he lied to me again, so, I kicked him out. Later on that night, he contacted me and said he did love me, and he didnt want to give up on us, and he was crying. I asked him if he had contacted her, he said he hadnt. The next day, he came to see me, we talked, and he said how sorry he was, he didnt realised what he had until he nearly lost it, it made him realise how he felt about us, and wanted to come back home. I love this man with all my heart and soul, so, I took him back.
About 2 weeks after this, she called me to advise that she knew we had split up, because he called her to tell her, she said he asked to meet her, but, it was too late at night, so she said no.
I confronted him about this, and he admitted to me that he lied about contacting her, but, he only contacted her to let her know that although we had split up, there was no way that they were going to see each other because, they were only meant to be friends, and that he wasnt giving up on us. He said, he definetly didnt ask to meet up with her.

I asked him if he slept with her (because he sure as hell wasnt getting it off me), he said he didnt, and he swore on my life and our kids' life that he didnt, but, when I asked her, she said "ask your man", so she wouldnt confirm it or deny it. I ended up getting lots of text messages from an "unknown source" saying that they had slept together, and that he was only with me for the kids!!!

Im struggling with all this, I dont know if anything more did go on between them or not because she says the opposite of what my husband says.

I have met this girl, and she is the total opposite of me, and she just isnt my husbands type (well his normal type). She is quite muscular because of her job infact, she has bigger arms than my husband (and please dont think im being !!!!!y by saying that, cos Im not), she smokes (he hates smokers), she is very course(my husband hates women who swear).

I dont know what to believe, and my head is going round in circles. This girl has had some problems in the past because she used to self harm (this is apparently why my husband started talking to her because she has scares on her arms, and he being the nosey so and so that he is asked her what they were). My husband works in the same place as this girl.

My husband pulled her up for the text messages I was getting, and she said it wasnt her, and that I must have been sending the messages to myself!!! However, I was sitting in my husbands company when I got some of the messages, she then said it must be someone we know, but, we havent told anyone about this, but, she has told her friends, infact, the message I found which made me realise what was going on, she told my husband that her friend had sent, it, then, she told me, that the message should have been sent to someone else. Another time, she told me that only one of her friends knew about her and my husband, but, this was a different friend from the one that apparently sent the message to my husband, so, shes been caught out with a couple of lies.

Can I ask what you people would think, cos, I feel like im banging my head against a brick wall. My husband has given me all access to his mobile phone, so, I can check all his bills, can I also say that he never ever hid his phone from me when he was seeing her, and when I asked him why he didnt hide it, he said it was because she was only a friend, and nothing more.

Please can someone give me somce advice.

Stephb1986_2

I wouldnt trust him as far as i could throw him to be honest why did he lie about meeting this woman if they was "just friends" men eh who needs them!

maybe you should ring the other woman and ask her to tell you the truth because your thinking of leaving him so you need to know now before you decide.

Good luck

Stephb xx

hobo28

The words "bo**ocks" spring to mind. If they are "just good friends" he would have a) told you and b) not kissed her.

The rest is just crap.

novagirl

I forgave an ex time and time again after he lied to me about a similar situation and it gets to the point that you find yourself doubting everything they ever say to you. I don't know what kind of person you are but you need to really think carefully about whether you can forgive and/or forget. I thought I could and it always turned out that I couldn't. I threw it back in his face in every argument. I personally wouldn't bother talking to the other woman as she isn't the one you're married to. It's your husband that you need to sit down and talk with. Can you honestly say you can trust him? You can love someone with all your heart but surely being able to trust someone should go along with it?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. xx