EXTENDED: You've got another week to add your travel & holiday deals questions for expert MSE Oli as part of the latest Ask An Expert event.
Been here before many times
Latest MSE News and Guides
MoneySavingExpert
Chair, Martin Lewis · Editor, Marcus Herbert
Replies
So....
Car goes back today. I'm really sad. I love that car. I know its a possession but it was the first time I ever drove a nice car. I'll be having my ex's corsa, which he has dented a few times and I think the coil is going so will need to get that sorted. At the end of the day if it gets me from a to b I shouldn't be complaining. But I am really sad to see the car go in 20 minutes.
My partner has come to stay for a week, to trial what it would be like living together. He's here most of the time anyway however never comes here straight after work, this is the first time he'll be driving home from work (maybe 30 to 40 minutes) and then I've given him the spare room for him to work out in. I only used it for the lodger and then after that drying clothes.
It appears to be really important for him for this to work, and for it to work he needs space he can disappear into. So for instance his work out stuff is all in there and he's got a speaker to listen to music. He goes in there every morning and evening to meditate, works out and then we'll probably see him around 6.30pm. Which on a normal day, me and my son will get home at around 6pm anyway and then I'll start cooking. Last night we went to bed and I think he realised how much I'm willing to give him for this to work. We've been together for 6 months which isn't that long but we've spent 5 days a week together for a long time. We used to see each other once a week at the start and then it gradually built up after about 8 weeks and then we've just not spent that much time apart.
My son adores him, they met at 3 months, which was quite soon but really worked out. He wouldn't be able to move in straight away, he needs time to get used to the idea and needs to decide what to do with his house, long term or short term rental for instance.
We'll only live in this house for two years as I'll have to start looking at high schools Janaury 2022 ready for September 2022 so its likely he will sell his house and buy one near where we need to live. I won't be able to be on a mortgage still at that point but there is a possibility together we might be able to save enough so that he still has the same mortgage amount but we can afford a bigger house by putting down more equity. Obviously a lot can change in that time, so we will save seperately, if it goes wrong - I'll have a nest egg.
Food budget wise for this month, well...I've spent it already. Yep, £200 already spent. To be fair, I need to get some of that back from my partner.
He needs to give me £5 difference for the stuff I bought for him, versus the stuff he paid for me. Then he owes me £15 for the gin he bought me (but I paid for) for my birthday and also I did the food shop so I'm just going to tell him I'm not paying for anymore food! So if he gives me the £20 as above and then buys anything he wants to eat with us over the next few weeks I won't have anything to worry about. I've still got loads of food in anyway. I've got £40 left in the fuel budget, likely I will use that as its half term next week. Other than that, I have no "spare" money going in the budget except for what I've put aside for Valentines day. Don't ever do Valentines day but challenged him to see who could be the cringiest. I have no ideas and its at the end of this week!
IN OTHER NEWS. Just after I posted my last comment, I opened a letter from Tesco Bank advising they were refunding £89.14 in charges to my defaulted credit card, something to do with minimum payments not always matching up. It does say if their error affected my credit report they will update it but....I don't quite know whether that will impact me.
Great news about the refund
Thats great news about the refund every little helps. I hope it works out with you and OH living together, it's good he can have some space to himself but also make sure you have some too.
*Tesco Credit card - £3604.30* - £0.00
*Finance - £581.91 - £0.00
*Dad loan - £5300 - £3800
*M+S Credit Card - £0
*MBNA Credit Card - £1211.88 - £0
*Virgin Credit Card - £3075 - £0
*Total debt - £3800*
*Sinking Fund - £2500/£2500*
*Emergency Fund -£250/£5000*
*Mortgage Overpayment - £46.90/£1000*
Premium Bonds - £200/£1000
Facing Reality - My Debt Free Diary
So the next steps are to look at sorting out his house so he can AirBnB it. I did suggest long term rental but he'd like to be able to make some money from it so I'm currently talking to a managed service provider thats quite small but I connected with on Reddit. Looking at AirDna he could manage a 65% occupancy rate and bring in maybe 24k a year.
It's not going to happen within the next couple of months as we need to replace the sink and do some work on his shower - we also need to move my spare double bed to his and replace the mattresses and then look at linen and towels etc. But its not like we need to put new furniture in. He's not attached to anything as he got it all on gumtree last year. In my house we need to do some decluttering to fit his personal belongings in but thats fine with me....
Worked out half of my bills would be about £600 - obviously won't ask him to contribute towards my childcare and dog costs. So he'll still be better off than living on his own. I'll be about £300 better off, not loads as I'd lose circa £230 UC but £300 is better than nothing. I think I could be confident in saying he'll be living with us by the end of April but I'm not counting my chickens blah blah.
We spoke about food last night as I've spent my food budget for this month in the first two weeks because he's here. I said I'm happy to forget about this month but it needs to be fairer in March. Like, I get 8 bottles of milk delivered a week - I drink 1, DS drinks 3 and partner drinks the other 4. But I'm paying for it. He does sometimes pay for a shop but its £25 and might include wine that he drinks. So if we're going to do this I'd rather we put an equal amount into a "pot" and then its fair.
So time to start planning for the future. I'm really happy because I love him and given how much time he spends with us, it seems silly for us both spend on bills at seperate places. If he uses his property as a holiday rental, it will be fairly easy for him to move back IF this goes wrong. And when its not occupied he can still go home.
Make sure that you want to be in this relationship too - it is not all about him and his needs. Also, make sure you don't end up paying for things when he needs to contribute too. I have been there before and it just puts you in debt.
The thing about his needs, well, he's used to living on his own in a property he owns. I'm asking him to move further away from his work into a household with two dogs and a small child. I don't need to adjust, he does. So thats why I talk about his needs. My needs are just to have him there. Well I also need him to cook for me as he's better at that than I am....
additonally....we are engaged!