Paying child maintenance when I have my Son 6 nights

bflare

Due to welfare concerns of my 12 year old Son & what he says he wants I now have my Son stay over with me for 6 nights per week. His mother has moved in a man who is on a methadone treatment plan. She is also heavily in debt or spending money on things that she shouldn't be. For 7 years I have been paying all her bills as part of a private child maintenance arrangement. This arrangement was based on me only having my son stay 1 night per week. Over the years due to various reasons the rate of me having him has risen to the 6 nights but I have kept the payments the same.


A couple of months ago I said I will be reducing the payments due to our Son been at my home more. She wasn't pleased & said that she wouldn't be able to afford to live & would have to downsize from a 3 bed to a 2 due to bedroom tax & me reducing the payments.


I did the online calculation on the .gov website but it stops at over 3 nights so there is no option for 6 nights. So basically I will be paying my ex £146 a month for my son staying there one night per week & 5 hours during the day on a Sunday plus she is receiving child allowance for him. I am also paying for other things such as haircuts, clothes etc. She receives universal tax credit, housing benefit, council tax reduction & she still asks me to borrow her money. She now has this guy live with her who doesn't work due to a broken hip. So he is receiving benefits & I highly doubt that they have made a joint claim.


Surely I should not have to pay the same rate that the .gov website says for 3 days or more when his mother only has him stay over 1 night plus she receives child allowance for him?

kathrynha

You shouldn't be paying anything. If you have him 6 nights a week she should be paying you maintenance. Also you should be getting the child benefit.

bflare

kathrynha wrote: »

You shouldn't be paying anything. If you have him 6 nights a week she should be paying you maintenance. Also you should be getting the child benefit.

Is this because I would be classed as the main carer?

kathrynha

bflare wrote: »

Is this because I would be classed as the main carer?

Yep. That's why the website only goes up to 3 days, then you become joint, but at 6 days definitely main carer.
Also not your responsibility to support her, just your son.

swingaloo

I thought your post was familiar to something I had read on here so looked at your other posts.

In view of what you had suspected your ex was doing and the involvement of social services I think you should stop giving her any money as she is involved with drugs. Cant social services help you to make it official that your son now lives with you then you can leave her and her addict boyfriend to fend for themselves. As the other poster said, you should also be getting the child benefit as you are the main carer.

Please don't let her talk you into letting her have your son back with her.

sheramber

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit/eligibility

Only one person can get Child Benefit for a child.

You normally qualify for Child Benefit if you’re responsible for a child under 16 (or under 20 if they stay in approved education or training) and you live in the UK.

You’ll usually be responsible for a child if you live with them or you’re paying at least the same amount as Child Benefit (or the equivalent in kind) towards looking after them, for example on food, clothes or pocket money.

bflare

swingaloo wrote: »

I thought your post was familiar to something I had read on here so looked at your other posts.

In view of what you had suspected your ex was doing and the involvement of social services I think you should stop giving her any money as she is involved with drugs. Cant social services help you to make it official that your son now lives with you then you can leave her and her addict boyfriend to fend for themselves. As the other poster said, you should also be getting the child benefit as you are the main carer.

Please don't let her talk you into letting her have your son back with her.

When I spoke to social services they said they were putting me down as the main carer but I have nothing official or in writing.


She is making no effort to change her behaviour. She said she was going to have her boyfriend move out. This has not happened in fact they are moving to a smaller house together. She had every opportunity to tell her boyfriend to leave when social services got involved but she didn't.


My Son's PlayStation 4 went missing at the weekend. Apparently his mum borrowed it to her boyfriends sister who is unwell & I have been promised it back tonight. I do not believe her & I think it has been in Cash converters or something. She is a pathological liar.


I get the feeling my son wants to live with me full time to be honest. He has seen his mum put her boyfriend before him. How heart breaking this must be for him.

gizmo111

Easiest thing to do is apply to the family court for a child arrangement order setting out where he lives and how often he sees the other parent and under what circumstances - eg does mum see him supervised now or does he just go to hers one night a week? If it is the latter then he is still at risk on that one night even though he doesn't live there as such.

bflare

gizmo111 wrote: »

Easiest thing to do is apply to the family court for a child arrangement order setting out where he lives and how often he sees the other parent and under what circumstances - eg does mum see him supervised now or does he just go to hers one night a week? If it is the latter then he is still at risk on that one night even though he doesn't live there as such.

I think to apply for a child arrangement order through the court they first require you to go through mediation which she has already refused to do.

Ms_Chocaholic

IMHO I wouldn't apply for a CAO, if the mum is happy for your son to be living with you then it seems a waste of money, also at the age of 12 his mum couldn't force him to return home if he preferred to stay with you.

Why does he stay at his mum's for one night per week though, why don't you have him full-time or is that considered contact.

bflare

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

IMHO I wouldn't apply for a CAO, if the mum is happy for your son to be living with you then it seems a waste of money, also at the age of 12 his mum couldn't force him to return home if he preferred to stay with you.

Why does he stay at his mum's for one night per week though, why don't you have him full-time or is that considered contact.

I agree. At the moment she is not causing much fuss. She was upset but I explained that it is what my son wants & as a father it is my duty to support him. I also said that I am unwilling to have my son around basically a stranger who is on a methadone treatment plan. Her answer to this is that her isn't on heroin it's methadone. I tried explaining that it is still heroin & he could relapse at any time. She wouldn't accept this.


I think she is more bothered about the reduction in child maintenance from me to be honest.


He stays with his mum one night mainly out of empathy for his mum I think. Plus to see his friends. However, I think he is getting to the point where he will want to live with me full time. All I am waiting for is for him to say this & then I shall be breaking the news to her & stopping all maintenance.