Time for a Fresh Start!

EmotionalSpender

Hello! So I wrote a massively long post this morning and then it didn’t go through, so initially I thought about giving up before I’d even started. But I’ve wanted to start a diary for a while - reading everyone’s stories quietly has made me feel better, hopeful and not alone, so here’s the condensed version of this morning:

I am 30, live and work just south of London, and in about £16000 credit card debt. I’ve always been crap with money, but my debt increased quite a lot a few years ago when I became suddenly single, moved for work and tried to keep up with a life I couldn’t afford. It’s been hovering around this amount for around a year, as I’ve been actively trying to improve my spending habits, so whilst it hasn’t increased, it hasn’t really decreased either.

I earn about £32k, so I know I could put a dent in this if I really tried, but I feel so alone in this. I will put up an SOA and proper breakdown of debts later - but I don’t want this to crash again - so for now, I’ll keep it at this. I know where my problems are, but I need help in actually changing my life.

I’ve narrowed my debt problems down to three things:

1. Consolidation. I’ve consolidated twice, and it caused my debt to more than double. I’ve learned the hard way what it seems many of you have learned. It always seems so tempting - in fact, only recently was I planning to consolidate again. I woke up feeling really stressed about money and just started...wildly searching for loans at 6am. I stopped myself, thankfully.
2. This brings me onto the next point. I’m really impulsive, and my spending is often related to my state of mind and without much thought. Day to day, I’m fine - I shop frugally and am okay - but it’s when I’m stressed or upset that things go wrong. I have anxiety and currently have a great deal of stress (a recent bereavement, promotion at work that I actually hate, but need to survive), and I just...impulsively spend. I’ve paid for trips that I then didn’t go on because of anxiety and the realisation I couldn’t afford them. I treat myself to takeaways instead of the food in my fridge after a bad day of work. I have bought the most random of things - dance lessons, or gardening tools, or expensive bedding - in the hope it’ll make me feel better - and it often does in the moment, and then I feel regret. In recent months I’ve been trying to track these feelings, and I CAN stop myself, but it involves quite a deal of talking myself out of it. I was in a shop recently with armfuls of bedding and a new mirror and lamp, convinced that decorating my room would be the end to all my problems...and I wheeled around the shop a few times and managed to put it all back. This is partly why I thought the diary would be helpful - it will be my “step back” to think about things.
I’m aware of my own problems here, and am waiting for counselling from the GP, which will hopefully help. In the meantime, I need to learn to manage stress better.
3. Finally, I find it quite difficult to say no. I’m in a flatshare with two couples, and I rarely get time to myself at home, but I can’t afford to move out. Most of my friends are married, or getting married, and I struggle to cope with all the expenses these bring: the hen parties and the babies and the expensive meals my friends want to go on because they rarely go out. I have a lot of friends, but I still often feel lonely, and spend a lot of money on a social life I can’t afford.

And here we are today.

My financial situation is making me really sad. It’s affecting my life. I’m 30, and stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do, but I’m scared of knocking over the Jenga that is my life. I hate my job, and am trying to move, but a great fear is holding me back from change.

I want to buy a house one day, and actually take the trips I book. I want to date again, properly. Whenever I date now, I feel like I’m wasting yet more money drinking wine with some weird person from the internet. I literally can’t afford to date. But also...I still would like to meet someone. I’ve had a few short-term boyfriends recently and every time, I’ve spent more than I can afford. But I guess I’m doing that anyway?

I see the future that I want, and I see it’s my own problems that are stopping me from getting ahead. So I hope this diary will give me some clarity, and make me feel less alone.

Some plans I have for the next steps are:

1. I have nearly £1000 in emergency fund, and will increase this to £1500, and move £1000 to debt, before increasing fund back up to £1000 and keeping it there.

2. I have looked at some other SOAs and seen some things I can get rid of - Spotify, etc.

3. I will actively plan my meals.

4. The hardest one - I will have to say no more. Some of my friends know I’m in debt, but it hasn’t really impacted how we go out - they don’t care, basically. But why should they? It’s on me. I will find social events that are cheap or free.

5. I will keep looking for new work, and also look for a second income.

So here we are. Still quite a long message in the end, and I hope it posts. I feel better for writing this, and a bit scared, but I am so tired of life right now. I need things to change. I think I’ve reached the point where I’m ready to be brave and take action.

Thanks for reading.

ceb1995

EmotionalSpender wrote: »

Hello! So I wrote a massively long post this morning and then it didn’t go through, so initially I thought about giving up before I’d even started. But I’ve wanted to start a diary for a while - reading everyone’s stories quietly has made me feel better, hopeful and not alone, so here’s the condensed version of this morning:

I am 30, live and work just south of London, and in about £16000 credit card debt. I’ve always been crap with money, but my debt increased quite a lot a few years ago when I became suddenly single, moved for work and tried to keep up with a life I couldn’t afford. It’s been hovering around this amount for around a year, as I’ve been actively trying to improve my spending habits, so whilst it hasn’t increased, it hasn’t really decreased either.

I earn about £32k, so I know I could put a dent in this if I really tried, but I feel so alone in this. I will put up an SOA and proper breakdown of debts later - but I don’t want this to crash again - so for now, I’ll keep it at this. I know where my problems are, but I need help in actually changing my life.

I’ve narrowed my debt problems down to three things:

1. Consolidation. I’ve consolidated twice, and it caused my debt to more than double. I’ve learned the hard way what it seems many of you have learned. It always seems so tempting - in fact, only recently was I planning to consolidate again. I woke up feeling really stressed about money and just started...wildly searching for loans at 6am. I stopped myself, thankfully.
2. This brings me onto the next point. I’m really impulsive, and my spending is often related to my state of mind and without much thought. Day to day, I’m fine - I shop frugally and am okay - but it’s when I’m stressed or upset that things go wrong. I have anxiety and currently have a great deal of stress (a recent bereavement, promotion at work that I actually hate, but need to survive), and I just...impulsively spend. I’ve paid for trips that I then didn’t go on because of anxiety and the realisation I couldn’t afford them. I treat myself to takeaways instead of the food in my fridge after a bad day of work. I have bought the most random of things - dance lessons, or gardening tools, or expensive bedding - in the hope it’ll make me feel better - and it often does in the moment, and then I feel regret. In recent months I’ve been trying to track these feelings, and I CAN stop myself, but it involves quite a deal of talking myself out of it. I was in a shop recently with armfuls of bedding and a new mirror and lamp, convinced that decorating my room would be the end to all my problems...and I wheeled around the shop a few times and managed to put it all back. This is partly why I thought the diary would be helpful - it will be my “step back” to think about things.
I’m aware of my own problems here, and am waiting for counselling from the GP, which will hopefully help. In the meantime, I need to learn to manage stress better.
3. Finally, I find it quite difficult to say no. I’m in a flatshare with two couples, and I rarely get time to myself at home, but I can’t afford to move out. Most of my friends are married, or getting married, and I struggle to cope with all the expenses these bring: the hen parties and the babies and the expensive meals my friends want to go on because they rarely go out. I have a lot of friends, but I still often feel lonely, and spend a lot of money on a social life I can’t afford.

And here we are today.

My financial situation is making me really sad. It’s affecting my life. I’m 30, and stuck because of it. There are so many things I want to do, but I’m scared of knocking over the Jenga that is my life. I hate my job, and am trying to move, but a great fear is holding me back from change.

I want to buy a house one day, and actually take the trips I book. I want to date again, properly. Whenever I date now, I feel like I’m wasting yet more money drinking wine with some weird person from the internet. I literally can’t afford to date. But also...I still would like to meet someone. I’ve had a few short-term boyfriends recently and every time, I’ve spent more than I can afford. But I guess I’m doing that anyway?

I see the future that I want, and I see it’s my own problems that are stopping me from getting ahead. So I hope this diary will give me some clarity, and make me feel less alone.

Some plans I have for the next steps are:

1. I have nearly £1000 in emergency fund, and will increase this to £1500, and move £1000 to debt, before increasing fund back up to £1000 and keeping it there.

2. I have looked at some other SOAs and seen some things I can get rid of - Spotify, etc.

3. I will actively plan my meals.

4. The hardest one - I will have to say no more. Some of my friends know I’m in debt, but it hasn’t really impacted how we go out - they don’t care, basically. But why should they? It’s on me. I will find social events that are cheap or free.

5. I will keep looking for new work, and also look for a second income.

So here we are. Still quite a long message in the end, and I hope it posts. I feel better for writing this, and a bit scared, but I am so tired of life right now. I need things to change. I think I’ve reached the point where I’m ready to be brave and take action.

Thanks for reading.

good luck with your journey, have you considered a cheap hobby you could turn to when you feel down? i've always found baking to really help me when i've been struggling with grief and it gives me something physically achieved out of it.
i'm sorry to hear that your friends are like that.

i know it's frightening to leave a job, i quit mine three months ago after it damaging my health for so long without another one in place DH was very supportive about it despite us having 16k debt and fortunately found one within a week and i'm now on 2k more salary and get to walk to work and sit down at a desk which has made a massive difference and i feel like truly me again so it can really be worth it.

Willing2Learn

Hi,

If you really want to bust those credit card debts, then you need a workable and accurate SOA, and then to start a snowball rolling.

Good luck on your journey!

[Deleted User]

You sound like me, just under two years ago - it's ok, it will get better

The friends part is tough, but there are ways around it, without ditching them altogether, ditto with weddings/babies/dating etc. It is all a bit overwhelming to begin with, but once all the pieces start building, it will get easier. Will subscribe to cheer you on

beanielou

Happy shiny new diary
Baby steps are the way forward.
You can do it!

savingholmes

Congratulations on de-lurking - makes me think of a vulcan ship decloaking.... Getting finances out in the open and discussing the trials and celebrations of every day life - can really make a difference. Keep posting and you will gather support and momentum.

EmotionalSpender

Thank you for your kind words! It's nice to know that things can get better - no, they will! In terms of cheap hobbies, I do actually really like baking and keep meaning to do more. I could do with some baked goods now.

So I did my SOA, and I'm actually quite horrified! I don't know if this is the right way of doing it, but I decided to use my last month's statement as a basis, as I initially started estimating but I thought it'd be best to bite the bullet and actually look. Some of the numbers will change month to month - my debt has been fairly stable for this year - so some months must be better than others, but honestly, a lot of it is pretty accurate.I thought I was much better with spending than I actually am - and didn't even realise some direct debits were going out. I'm quite ashamed - but also, weirdly, hopeful. I think there is a lot I can cut back here, so a lot to work with.

I live in a shared flat and my house expenses are pretty cheap (I pay water and electric every three months), but I can see already where I can cut back - all the wasteful lunches and socialising.

I don't know the exact APRs of my credit cards, so I'll give an estimate of interest paid so far and look them up this week, as I don't want to give up on writing this (this crashed again! And my computer now has a massive weird line on the screen, so seems to be on its way out. Everything happens at once!). I know I need to do some balance transfers, but I was struggling to find good deals when I last looked, and I panicked. I think I need to work on my spending habits alongside the balance transfers, and I'm now mentally ready to do so.

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1887
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1887

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 450
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 66
Electricity............................. 25
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 26
Telephone (land line)................... 8
Mobile phone............................ 54
TV Licence.............................. 4
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0 - this comes with the landline
Groceries etc. ......................... 185.18 - eeek! I really thought I was better than this.
Clothing................................ 35
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 176 - this is a mix of occasional bus travel to work (I can walk and usually try to), and trains to visit friends. This number changes each month and this is higher than usual, but still is usually above £100.
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 5
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 115.98 - again this number is higher than usual, but probably a fairly accurate idea when looking at the overall year.
Haircuts................................ 50 - my hair is £100 and I get it done every two months. One of my flatmates dyed it for me for about £8 last time I needed it doing, and it looked the same, so I can definitely cut this out
Entertainment......125 - mix of dinners out and drinks, etc. Will reduce.
-Holiday................................. 80 - looking at an average of trips over a year. I will not be going on holiday again for quite some time, so this can go.
Emergency fund.......................... 50
Misc.................................... 45 - this is random rubbish.
Phone Insurance......................... 9.99
Gym..................................... 24.99
Spotify................................. 9.99
Now..................................... 3.20 - I didn't realise I had this - have cancelled
Takeaway................................ 37
Equifax................................. 2.99
Charity................................. 6 - I would say I pay towards some kind of fundraising once a month (not direct debit)
Kindle.................................. 7.99 - again, didn't realise I had this - have cancelled
Netflix................................. 5.99
Lunch................................... 150.33 - again, AHHHH!
Total monthly expenses.................. 1786.63


Assets
Cash.................................... 900
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 900

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Halifax Credit Card............2553......70........0 (pay around £40 interest)
MBNA...........................1600......25........0 (0 interest)
MBNA 2.........................2850......80........0 (pay around £50 interest)
Tesco..........................3706......105.......0 (pay around £50 interest)
Virgin.........................3400......34........0 (0 interest)
Barclaycard....................2000......100.......0 (pay around £30 interest)
Total unsecured debts..........16109.....414.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,887
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,786.63
Available for debt repayments........... 100.37
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 414
Amount short for making debt repayments. -313.63

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 900
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -16,109
Net Assets.............................. -15,209

I do feel a bit gloomy now! So ashamed But like I said - my debt has been fairly even for a while, so it must be a bit different month to month. But so much money wasted on nothing.

So - PLAN! Look at some balance transfers ASAP. I am paying off the Barclaycard first - I have a bit of an emotional attachment as I've had it for so long, and it's actually going down steadily. I hope to have it paid off in four months.

Look at second income.

Bring my own lunch. Don't go out for meals. Look at other ways of socialising.

Cut back on all the useless spending.

Keep a spending diary in September, and keep reminding myself of this horrifying moment!

i did cancel dinner plans I had with a friend for tonight and I've made breakfast and lunch for work tomorrow. Now, I think I need some sleep (and a hug).

Thanks again for reading - it's been a bit of an emotional day, but I'm really glad I did this - it has really made me see the light. You just don't realise where all this money goes, do you?! And this was a month without any of the random kind of mad expenses I usually go for!

EmotionalSpender

Sitting in the park with my packed lunch and a bottle of tap water. Not spent anything today and shouldn’t need to, as got leftovers for dinner.

I feel a bit grumpy. I always feel quite stressed in the last few few days before payday; I think it’s because it makes me feel so powerless. But I get paid tomorrow. Finally!

Work is frustrating at the moment. I’m not the right fit at all for my new team, not the role, and I’ve been so grumpy today! But got to keep positive, and keep smiling. I have money coming in, which is good. And at least it’s sunny today, and I’ve got these moments of quiet.

I’m going to look at the APRs tonight, and start a spreadsheet ready for tomorrow.

Hope you’re all having a good day.

enthusiasticsaver

Well done on making a start on sorting your finances out. You have a good plan so now it is just a question of sticking to it.

As you say any balance transfers will help the ridiculous situation of almost half your monthly payments going on interest. Cutting back is definitely possible and I think you know that now. A spending diary is a good step forward as it makes you think before spending. Also remember to find a balance between living and paying off debt. Allocating nothing to entertainment is unrealistic but then what you have been doing which is spending with no limits is no good either. Just be selective and look for cheaper alternatives.

It is a shame you are not happy in your job but maybe as the debt goes down and you feel more in control you may feel differently but having no debt will give you the security to look elsewhere eventually. I would prioritise getting the debt paid off first. From a quick look at the interest you are paying I would say most are around 17-18% apr but the MBNA looks like it is over 20%. If you cannot get a balance transfer (any more space on your 0% MBNA?) I would pay minimums on all but the MBNA and get that one down asap. You need to address the shortfall in your soa first though.

Good luck and I look forward to seeing how you get on. Subscribed.

Maryland_Cookie

Didn’t want to read and run, you’ve taken a huge step forward and are bound to feel emotional. There will be ups and downs along the way, but the main thing is just to keep going. Take baby steps and have little goals and challenges to keep you motivated and on track.

Good luck, you can do this x

Karonher

Good luck and the good news is that there is lots to cut

£50 off the groceries
£40 off mobile phone as soon as you can
£15 off clothing for a while
£70 off presents at least for a while - shop around well in advance
£25 off takeaways
£125 off lunches
£20 off random spends
£40 for hair cuts
£45 off entertainment
£100 - almost - that you have cancelled or are going to stop

All in all that is just over £500 saved and more than covers the shortfall.

There is more that can be cut for a short term - no clothes for a few months, less entertainment and lunches for a few months - do a big shop and down on groceries for a few months. Cutting to the bone wont be sustainable for a long time.