I'm overreacting? Work colleague?

Doodles

I have no problem with male/female friendships, but from the way you describe what's happening it does come across like he has developed a fascination for this woman, which isn't good.

The unattractive/attractive thing is irrelevant. People are attracted to each other for all sorts of reasons regardless of what they look like.

If you are feeling things have crossed a line for you, then you need to speak up and say that you feel like you are being taken for a bit of a fool here.

I think there is temptation here for him to have a fling or an affair, so you need to speak to him now, and don't let it get to that point.

I'd also be tempted to insert myself into their next social gathering if I were in your shoes. Show her that you exist and not to be messed with ;-)

meer53

Go with your gut feeling. It's usually right, it was in my case. Tell him how you feel or it will just carry on.

Mojisola

She may think that your OH is a much nicer bloke than her husband and is "love bombing" him - that can be very seductive and hard to resist.

gabriel1980

I'm sorry to say that if he's not already having an affair then it's certainly on the cards. Does he keep his phone hidden away?

prowla

Maybe he feels sidelined at home...

sn1987a

I would be worried as well.

Can you join them when they go out from time to time? Can you organise things for the two of you to help improve your connection? Best thing, he tells her how great spending a day with you doing something special was.

I agree with others, don't accuse, show your interest and discuss it with him. Tell him how much you want him, and you wouldn't want him to have an affair, ask him if there is something in your relationship that need improving, spend more together. Life is too short to have a stressful work that affects your personal life.
Good luck!

ETA you should be seriously worried when he stops talking to you about her, then he is trying to hide things.

ska_lover

Gemmadilem34 wrote: »

Thanks everyone, some really good advice and I must stress it’s that she’s attractive, not unattractive! He assured me I’m being silly but they do tell you to listen to your gut instincts!

I think whatever she looks like, it matters not. When we are above a certain level of maturity, it is more the other stuff, personality, that attracts us - You know what I am talking about

In my adult life, I have found myself attracted to men, that I wouldn't have as a teenager for example - just because of the connection, how they make me feel important, the fun / laughs. Not that anything has come of these things, but attraction really is not about looks

If you have spoken to him and he has assured you, that is great - but that will not make this feeling go away, until you are , in yourself, satisfied that all is well

- Have you had a think about your own life, OP, where it is going workwise, with all the stress, how this may be spilling over into your private life, causing issues with relationships etc? What are you thinking for yourself?

I mean, let's say that none of the colleague worries are there - you still, really importantly, need to work on yourself to reduce your stress levels and maybe get back to the old you


By the time I left my job, six weeks ago, I barely recognised myself. I came home from work and all I did was talk about work, I was snappy etc. I am suprised my husband did not run for the hills, but he did gently encourage me to leave and do something else.......and him being a good bloke, that was his way of telling me I had become a hag.

cheeky-peach

All of my work colleagues are blokes. I work in IT and there are very few women in my place of work, and my previous place of work. I would often have lunch / go to the pub after work with them but always in a group. When we have extended socials (meals out, BBQs), my husband is always invited and comes along as he also enjoys their company. Most of these men also have wives and join in too, I'd even say that I'm friends with a few of them too.

It does seem a bit odd that it's all of a sudden, I don't really understand that but I would definitely encourage trying to get something organised where partners can join in and it can be more of a social gathering rather than a work thing.

Gavin83

ska_lover wrote: »

I think whatever she looks like, it matters not. When we are above a certain level of maturity, it is more the other stuff, personality, that attracts us - You know what I am talking about

In my adult life, I have found myself attracted to men, that I wouldn't have as a teenager for example - just because of the connection, how they make me feel important, the fun / laughs. Not that anything has come of these things, but attraction really is not about looks

Surely it's an equal mix of both? After all, if you have a connection, shared interests, etc with a member of the opposite sex then surely they'd just be a friend? You said yourself that men and women can be friends so you clearly don't buy into the philosophy that this isn't possible.

It's the sexual attraction that makes the difference between a friend and a partner.

badmemory

It sounds to me that she has told him things that make him feel protective. That is a very powerful feeling to a lot of men. That may well be all it is at the moment but that will not last.