Pay back and accountability while still staying in contact with dear family abroad.

Purplebonnie

It sounds like you are doing well, keep it up ��

ditty1234

Hi Guys I hope you like my rebranded title, I got fat up with the old title, but did not want to set up new diary thread.
My project is the same - pay everybody back in time, while still be a decent mom in the next 2 years where I have the chance first hand.
Today was an awful day at work, I have had a bad review - and being a bit of a loud mouth I am not terribly shy about it. I probably should be more aspirational, but a bad start back after the summer made me at odds with my line manager and somehow I have managed to behave in a very self destructive way. After this a person I thought was becoming a new acquaintance have turned out to be a bit of a two face towards me. And just made me feel a bit vulnerable/self pity anyways I don't have to deal again until next Monday. What worries me is that I feel I am not good at pitching in - I keep making mistakes, and I don't seem to learn from my mistakes in communication or in general.
This is where it links to my finances. I keep making the same mistakes - over committing towards family pressure and general expectations. This means my EF is not growing at the rate I want it to and I ended up loaning money for air tickets to see family from a family member, organised by an other family member. This is exactly what keeps happening. Tickets were cheap, but I will still have to throw in a lot of money for train fairs and to actually bring luggage. Minor details.
The good thing is that on Saturday evening I actually made something creative, and I have had two NSD days. But that doesn't change the fact that I am turning 54 soon, I work part time, and I desperately want a career tweak, happy to increase to full time, but really want a minimal commute.
That was just a few of my complaints! I have been running since April - and I don't seem to have lost any weight, very annoying.

ditty1234

Hi confession time - I am a serial membership and ID card collector, I have all my kids extra passport photos, all old conference and seminar badges - although I might have had a bit of a tidy last year ... and I just found my old Olympic Oyster card hoping there is a bit of cash on it as I need it today. Don't go to capital too often.

ditty1234

Hi yes I am basically procrastinating, but I just wanted to say that I need to find a way to trick myself into applying for jobs as while the setup I have sort of works it is just not making me happy, and the part time is not helping me develop the creative side of my life as I have/keep hoping it will.
I don't have the confidence or the get up and go to build up motivation and determination. On the opposite I feel delicate and wobbly and am struggling to produce any kind of written documents or take up any challenging thinking I can actually solve it in a grown up way.
Money and DMP is ticking along, but the changes that this should allow for is not really coming along.

ditty1234

SO it is a fact - I buy food when I am stressed. I now want to change my job badly by Easter and my first response has to be starting to stock up with food so I won't have to stress about bits and pieces every week. I have bought dog food, lots of tins and meat for the freezer. For some reason Ald1 has stopped selling kidney and butter beans - so stocked up in tesc0s.
Talked for almost 2 hours yesterday with old friend who is doing really well with job - travelling the world - literally but not close family. I am doing crap w job/work/career - but have lovely descendants and am fairly close w family - I have also compromised my standards and put up with !!!! to a fairly extreme point - but to a degree that is my only point. I never got to a point where I said - this is enough now I want to have a say. I think that probably that is where I am now.