Is Change possible? (When you're in a hole, STOP DIGGING!)

Lupus_Lou

Well done.
Every journey starts with a single step
I will be follerin you

Lou x

TravelGirl84

Hi Lendrid!

Just popping on to say hi and good luck on your journey. Will be following

Lendrid

So my lovely Da has been diagnosed with non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver this week, and I'm his carer so I've been to all the appointments with him leading up this definitive diagnosis.

Yesterday was horrible. Hearing that he has a 30/40% increased risk of liver cancer now has left me feeling low and really aware of how fragile we are - tomorrow isn't promised and all that.

Anyhow, I spent nearly 30 at sainsbury's last night on bits and bobs for DD. It was all in the sale but I'm feeling crappy about it today. I'm just swinging between knowing that paying off our debts is a good long term plan for the future, and feeling like we could carry on making smaller payments but have more little trips with family in the mean time. My partner wants to keep on with the debt free plan. I'm not proposing that we get we get into more debt...just that we could take our time to pay it all off.

In saying all that, I went onto the MBNA app again last night when I couldn't sleep...I lie there looking at the 1900 balance and wondering if it's really possible to get that paid by christmas. Just envisioning how lovely it would be to just have the one credit card to worry about still gives me a little frisson of excitement. Maybe that means I'm still on board. I don't know really.

Knowing that once we've paid off the the MBNA card we have to tackle an 11000 balance on the last card is definitely not a motivating factor. It feels completely insurmountable, in a way that the loans don't really. I've tried to work out what feels so different about it, and my best guess at the moment is that we've been so focused on the credit cards that I've not really allowed myself to think about the amounts left on the loans, and how long we could be paying them off for. The Barclaycard has to be our next priority really because it's only on 0% until September next year. (At this point the devil on my shoulder is just saying we could always transfer it onto another 0% the month before the interest rate changes).

If I was to make a list of WHY it's a good idea to keep slogging through the debt free plan, the top answer would always be so that DD has the opportunity to make better financial decisions than us. I don't want her to be burdened with our stupid mistakes. I want her to see financial savvy parents making good decisions. On the other hand I also want her and my Da to have some trips away and make some memories for life. So confused and feeling torn in two very different directions.

Elnora32

[FONT=&quot]In a short space of time you are having to face two difficult situations so there is no wonder that you are feeling low. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I am sorry your father has received this diagnosis. It is a difficult time for you, your father and your family. Be kind to yourself and take some time to decide which is your best way forward, as no doubt your emotions will be all over the place at the moment.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I know you feel torn about what to do but you do have options; you can cut back and pay off as much as you can, take the scenic route or a mix of both but only you know which would suit your family. Whichever route you decide to take you can also have family time for free and make some great memories, so it needn’t all be about money.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Elnora[/FONT]

in_need_of_direction

My father faced a similar illness, haemachromotosis. It’s tough but having less debt at that time gave me choices.

Remember sainsbugs has a good returns policy. Do you need everything that you bought for dd?

I know that last cc is immense but why not think about getting it below £10k? Given how you are clearing debt, you have to see that as doable. I love a percentage and a fraction so even break the first £1k down. If you returned a third of the stuff to sainsbugs, that’s one percent of the first target.

Just hang in there. The most important thing is to not add to the debt when you have other things to deal with. That way, when you can start tackling it again, you’re still in a better place than you started from initially

savingholmes

I know it is hard but focus on the positive - being at increased risk of something doesn't mean it will happen. He has a 60-70% of chance of NOT getting liver cancer. I have had to ask my doctors to put info to me that way around rather than the other as otherwise I too can obsess on the negative. There are lots of low costs ways of spending time with people - is it the travel that costs?

With the debt - most of us are dealing with situations we would rather we weren't - I chose to focus on the debt as one part of my life I could choose to control when other things were out of my hands. Could you perhaps try that too? I can tell you I feel the weight on my shoulders decreasing every time we clear a bit more debt.

Lendrid

It's been a long while since I posted.

I suppose focusing on the good points, we haven't got into any more debt. It's come down a small amount but no where near what I'd have liked to see. In saying that, I've been more than a bit poorly for the last couple of months, which culminated in my psychiatrist prescribing some very strong anti anxiety medication last week. It's actually an anti psychotic medication, but that's a rabbit hole I can't afford to look too deeply down at the moment - I just need to feel less anxious so I can get on with life, even if it means trying a very scary sounding drug.

I would like to work out how to do a signature so I can see our progress more easily. Will have a look to see if I can sort that after doing this. My credit card is now down to £1700, and everything else is coming down in drips with making the payments that are automatically due.

The biggest difference is that we have more of a buffer now if anything goes wrong. Our emergency fund is up to 400. That meant we were able to pay a vet fee for one of our cats last week without using a credit card. It doesn't sound like much, but to us that's a world away from where we've been. We even prioritised paying the money back into the fund so it's not actually been depleted. We do realise that long term, this wasn't supposed to be an emergency fund. We started putting money aside so that when we need MOTs and services on the cars we actually have the funds there. So I don't really know how to balance wanting to pay off these debts with wanting to have a more substantial sum of money behind us. It's a brand new road we're on and we're still figuring it all out.

In the negative column we had to rehome our dog last week. It shouldn't relate to the debt payments at all, but we're just really emotional about having to do something so god awful. He was harrassing the cats to the point where one of them has lost a load of weight (hence the visit to the vets) and he managed to chase one of them up on to the railway line which backs onto our house a couple of weeks ago. It's not at all his fault, he just couldn't help himself, and didn't want to hurt them but the stress of trying to manage where 4 cats, 1 cat obsessed dog, and a 4 year old child in a house with baby gates at every doorway has taken a huge toll for the last 6 months. I know it sounds ridiculous but I just want to book a week break somewhere away from the house. Just to be away from the fact he isn't here now, and to try and reset a little. It's not a good money saving thing to do, but I'm not thinking with my brain really. I just want to feel something other than the guilt and shame and anxiety that's been washing over me for weeks.

At the same time I want to get the house a bit straighter. With being poorly and my poor partner just hanging on by his fingernails, the house has taken a back seat. I deep cleaned the bathroom today, and interestingly whilst I was cleaning I didn't think about spending money on going away at all, nor on all the niggly little jobs I keep seeing around that need me to spend money on either. The weather is absolutely dire anyway so going away right now would be a horrible idea. Perhaps by the time it bucks up a little, the urge I've got to flee will pass anyway. We ought to be looking ahead to planning Christmas and LO's 5th birthday (22nd December) anyway, so perhaps I could pour my energies into those conundrums.

Lots to think about as always! :eek::eek::eek:

Drawingaline

Poor you, sounds like you have been dealing with a lot. And well done for not turning to spending to 'cheer yourself up'.

The weather is so bad any holiday in the uk would probably be spent indoors, not worth it. Look forward to Halloween (if you like it), bonfire night and Xmas/birthdays.

Lendrid

I can't believe it's so long since I've written on here, and it's sad to say that the updates aren't good either.

After a really difficult few months mental health wise, we're in more debt than ever so I'm at the point of starting again with finding out where our money is going and taking stock of where the debt is.

I don't feel as bad about it as I probably ought to though. I think when you've had a period of real crisis with mental health it's just such a relied to be sleeping and feeling like there're things in the future to look forward to.

I need to focus on updating all the spreadsheets etc, but my first job for today is to go and cancel my gym membership, so I can definitely write down that's one fewer direct debit. It's a big deal to get through the doors with my anxiety still being so high, so I'll check in with myself when I get back. Also got to go and collect meds from pharmacy, not looking forward to either trip.

Mini steps, get to the car first.

Iwantanewlife

Hey and welcome back. Im sorry to read you have had such a hard few months. I think you should be proud of yourself for coming back. Life happens, take stock and see where you are at, then start again.

Im following your journey x