Returning to ex-employer?

snilloct1957

Going back to your old employer after the way they treated you may cause those feelings of frustration and resentment to resurface, placing you back in your old depression - read again your own post number 23. There would have to be a really good deal on the table to want to go back. Can you honestly say that they would treat you better this time round? Weigh up deciding to stay with the family business or move to another job very carefully. There seems to be stress in the family situation, that could be worked out if you all sat down and discussed what their expectations are of you and your work, and the direction the family business is going. Is it developing or just holding position? See what other posters say and sleep on it.

MrBrindle

Thanks for the reply. When I left my old employer for my brothers business, it took me 4-6 weeks to decide whether to join my brothers business - I was wary because I'm the only wage earner between me and my partner, we'd just bought a new house at the time, and being a new business I was worried about longevity. My old employer has over 300+ employees and a turnaround of 60mil, so I knew I had job security there.

Right now, I almost feel I cannot leave my brothers business because of the family tie and loyalty, thinking I'd feel extremely guilty for going, especially if it was a return to my old employer who I left after becoming disgruntled.

Also my brothers' business is in my hometown, where all my family and relatives live, and if I left the business I'd lose touch with them again. It was all romantic for me when I started working there because I was back in my hometown, which I really love, and I could see my parents and relatives more. But at the same time I'm not seeing my partner and kids as much perhaps.

If this wasn't my brothers' business I would probably leave to go back to my old employer, so I find hard to break the family tie. In someways I feel it's a bit unethical (probably the wrong word) going back to a company, where there's a hierarchy system with, managers and directors paid lots more than ground staff (I'd be in-between), whereas where I am now, there's more of an equal wage structure. My brother only pays himself the same as me btw, and he is the business owner.

warby68

I wouldn't go back to the former employer unless it was a significant promotion opportunity.

To go back to a similar role and pay is effectively conceding defeat about your worth. I doubt it would take long for you to be unhappy again.

In essence, they would have to want you just a little bit more than you want them.

An honest chat with your brother seems in order though about the longer term - do you have prospects in his business and if not how would you both handle you looking for your next step outside the family business ?
I don't think an argument about the difference between a 30m and 50m commute has much weight if I'm honest but your longer term prospects with a family to support do.

MrBrindle

It will be to do a similar role, and pay wise, I've been offered 3k on top of what I was on when I left. Which doesn't seem like much, but makes a difference when your the only wage earner in the household.

Yes I was disgruntled in my old job after not getting the promotion, but I wasn't actively looking to leave. It wasn't until my brothers' opportunity came along that I decided to go, and that was a tough decision in itself. I even applied for a local job at the time as well, 10 mins from my house, but wasn't successful after the interview. I'd have probably gone with that instead of my brothers' business if I'd been offered it.

I know the commute times don't seem that different, but my old employers' commute is 80% on the motorway, while current commute is 80% rural roads. I'm spending close to twice the amount on fuel now.

Magnolia

Dear Mr Brindle

It would appear from reading your posts that you have answered your own question.

Never mind family ties - you must do what is right for you and your partner..

Whatever you decide - good luck.

MrBrindle

I've changed the thread title from 'Ex employer wants me to do tempoary work' because the subject has changed, with an actual return to full time work on the cards.

Thanks for the reply Magnolia, trouble is I don't know what's right.

I'm indecisive at the best of times, so this is a difficult situation.

The problem is the family tie. I'm quite loyal when it comes to family, and feel almost like betraying them by leaving. But I am disgruntled right now being forced to drive 5 days a week, spending a fortune on fuel - when that wasn't part of the original working plan.

I also know returning to an old employer needs thinking about. I left in the first place due to missing out on a promotion, and I became frustrated because of that. The money is a bit better if I return - £3k or so more, plus the yearly bonuses. Not huge bucks, but every little helps in this day and age. Also my old employer was in the construction/diy/building industry of which I have more interest than my current - hospitality/events/catering.

Really don't know what to do.

Another job has come up which is closer than my brothers' business, but once again I'm in the dilemma of whether or not I feel I can leave because of the family tie. Has anybody else left a family business without no hard feelings?

gettingtheresometime

Personally I think you need a completely fresh start.


Going back to an ex employer didn't work for me - I returned after a year and even in that short time, dynamics of the department had changed and even though I was a new person I wasn't ...if that makes sense.


Working with family doesn't work either - you have to be quite a strong person to say I'm wearing my work hat on atm so you can talk to me about work and when I'm not you can't. Also (again ime) family members can take liberties (not saying you are btw!) and then resent when pulled up on them.


I think you need to have an honest conversation with your brother but you need to work out first what you want from a job whether that be with your old employer, your brother or even a new employer because until that happens I don't think you'll be settled.

MrBrindle

Thanks for the reply. I get what your saying, which is why I'm stalling over a decision.

The other factor is my mental capacity. Unfortunately due to my period of anxiety and depression beginning of the year I have lost some confidence, and I'm wary of going somewhere new, hence the attraction of returning to somewhere I felt comfortable and knew what I was doing. A lot of things have changed since I left, a few members of staff who I was good friends with have moved on, they have also moved offices.

And like you say, it's difficult to turn work mode off. Out of work conversations usually revolve around work stuff, getting texts late at night asking you for a favour the following morning - coming in earlier, picking things up. I miss being able to leave work in work.

Takeaway_Addict

MrBrindle wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. I get what your saying, which is why I'm stalling over a decision.

The other factor is my mental capacity. Unfortunately due to my period of anxiety and depression beginning of the year I have lost some confidence, and I'm wary of going somewhere new, hence the attraction of returning to somewhere I felt comfortable and knew what I was doing. A lot of things have changed since I left, a few members of staff who I was good friends with have moved on, they have also moved offices.

And like you say, it's difficult to turn work mode off. Out of work conversations usually revolve around work stuff, getting texts late at night asking you for a favour the following morning - coming in earlier, picking things up. I miss being able to leave work in work.

Sounds like you want to go back to an abusive partner tbh.

As others have said if you're going to move then go somewhere fresh. Just knowing this is the direction you are going may assist in being a bit firmer with the family business

MrBrindle

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Sounds like you want to go back to an abusive partner tbh.

As others have said if you're going to move then go somewhere fresh. Just knowing this is the direction you are going may assist in being a bit firmer with the family business

Strange comparison, yes I became annoyed towards the end due to being overlook for a promotion, but I was pretty content there before that, and I wasn't desperate to leave.