Moving into mums house

[Deleted User]

Remember your youngest will still have her memories, wherever you live.

How big a problem will be the extra 30 mins drive for your husband? Can you and family visit your mum regularly? You can drop by 2 or three times a week for shopping and company. If you organise a rota, your mother could have visitors practically every day of the week.

onwards&upwards

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies i WANT to care for my mother there is no expectation i think its more company she is looking for the house she lives in was adapted when my father was seriously ill so she can live downstairs .Unfortunatly we do not live in the best area and are awaiting news of the new Thames crossing so not ideal we may even sell both properties and buy one between us . I fortunately have 1 daughter who is a social worker for adult care and 1 who is a nurse so we are not without help in those areas as for carers there are none in this area and countrywide there is a massive shortage she already has a cleaner and gardner I think i will speak to a solicitor to see what our options are Thank you all for your advice

Social workers and nurses are busy and overworked, it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to take on caring for a relative in their non-work time.

[Deleted User]

Really? I thought that's what families did. Cared for each other. Not as an obligation but just as a caring thing.

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

deannatrois wrote: »

Remember your youngest will still have her memories, wherever you live.

How big a problem will be the extra 30 mins drive for your husband? Can you and family visit your mum regularly? You can drop by 2 or three times a week for shopping and company. If you organise a rota, your mother could have visitors practically every day of the week.

No issue at all to travel for an extra 30 mins Daughter no1 lives reasonably close by and she already helps mum most weeks takes her shopping Daughter no2 lives in London so a fair way but not insurmountable and my son often just pops over to see her and all of them phone on a specified day every week they adore their nana I go 3 times a week we just go out for lunch or just sit in the garden she also comes to me for sunday dinner most weeks

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Social workers and nurses are busy and overworked, it wouldn’t be fair to expect them to take on caring for a relative in their non-work time.

Most of us are busy i wouldn't expect their help 24/7 but luckily they adore their nana and would not see it as a duty and thats what families do because they want the best for their family

getmore4less

Current status seems manageable, a good idea to plan ahead.

Could you set things up to do overnights or a trial run.

I would walk through more scenario looking at various options.

Start with do you want to move from your current house.

You have outlined some disadvantages of mums place long term but if it would make a good home don't rule it out.

onwards&upwards

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

Most of us are busy i wouldn't expect their help 24/7 but luckily they adore their nana and would not see it as a duty and thats what families do because they want the best for their family

Have you asked them or are you assuming?

They will both have a better idea of the realities of caring for an elderly relative than you, after all.

rricaresad33

Well it really depends on your savings, the worth of the house and lots of things. If living with her would be really inconvenient for your family then maybe it's better for her to live in a nursing home and then you can sell the house? Or maybe if her health is still ok and she can take care of herself maybe just wait couple of years.

[Deleted User]

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

At the moment 14 mile round trip it would add another 30 mins to his journey if we moved. I have 3 children but 2 already own their own homes but the youngest did say that she wouldn't want me to sell it as she has all her childhood memories there but it has never really been a serious discussion until now so she may change her mind if the facts were presented

Why is your daughter dictating whether you sell or not? Not her decision. Its up to you to do whats right for you and your family.

I also have lots of happy memories from my parents house, I lived there all my life and its my childhood home. Both me and my sister have moved out and they now want to sell this year and I say good for them, its time for them to make new memories.

Mojisola

Deleted_User wrote: »

Why is your daughter dictating whether you sell or not? Not her decision. Its up to you to do whats right for you and your family.

I also have lots of happy memories from my parents house, I lived there all my life and its my childhood home. Both me and my sister have moved out and they now want to sell this year and I say good for them, its time for them to make new memories.

Exactly! The memories are in your head, not stuck in the house.