Stop giving and receiving gifts

AlMonD17

Hi everyone,
I've given some thought about making cuts to the birthdays and Christmas list, and I was wondering on how I should ask one of my friends if I could stop giving her (and her children) gifts. I have been friends with this person for over 20 years, and have given her (and received) gifts for every birthday and Christmas since then. Since having my own child, and having the number of children in mine - and my husband's - family increase, it's becoming increasingly difficult to buy presents for everyone.
Over recent years, my friend and I hardly ever see each other, but we still somehow feel obliged to give each other (and our children) gifts for every birthday and Christmas.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could politely ask if we could stop?

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Mojisola

AlMonD17 wrote: »

Over recent years, my friend and I hardly ever see each other, but we still somehow feel obliged to give each other (and our children) gifts for every birthday and Christmas.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could politely ask if we could stop?

Don't ask her - tell her that you're cutting back and won't be buying any more presents.

She'll probably be relieved.

just_trying

Agree with the above.

Though at the point it was agreed at a point we both felt bad about it know it's silly, so one year before it stopped at Christmas we done a family dvd each to each others families. Birthdays stopped straight away.

Artytarty

I did this with my close friend, known her from childhood.
I just said "how would you feel about thrifting not gifting from now on?
Unless the birthday ends in a zero?!"
She was more than happy!

oystercatcher

Just tell her , well in advance of next event. Some people plan gifts months in advance so plenty of notice makes sure they aren't left with something they can't give you!
It might be fairer to make sure you don't 'owe' her a gift in return for your birthday if yours comes first .

Make sure to remind her nearer the time too . If she's not happy then perhaps suggest a charity donation. I did this for one of my son's who didn't want a gift as I felt very awkward not buying for him when I buy for my other sons.

HampshireH

Ive stopped buying birthday and xmas gifts for my friend/friends kids.

I was spending £20 per child xmas and birthday and rarely seeing any of them. By the time she had her 3rd and then the following year didnt even send me a birthday card I was a bit put out and went to cards only.

I barely do that for the kids anymore. I still rarely see them. I always send her a birthday card and the family an xmas cards.

We have nieces and nephews to buy for an they take priority.

I would just be honest with your friend and let her know your not doing gifts beyond family this year. Doesnt need to be specific to her. She may also be feeling the same

Kim_kim

We should ditch it all, it’s all commercial nonsense.
Even if money isn’t an issue, the worry over getting the right thing. The agro of shopping, wrapping & delivering.
Just gifts from parents to children and grandparents to grandchildren (optional).

kazwookie

I did this ages ago, didn't get any problems from any one.

OP just do it, just tell the person that you cannot afford it any more, end off.

Loads of folks must stress over this when there really is no need.

AlMonD17

Thank you very much to all of you for taking the time to reply & giving good suggestions.
It's hard to break a habit that's gone on for more than 20 years, & I'm sure (as many of you have said) that my friend will appreciate it too if she doesn't feel as if she's obliged to give me & my son presents.
Thank you again everyone.

username901

At our office we used to do this, all the bosses would buy gifts for each other and family. Was getting ridiculous, we found it was cheaper booking a holiday for us all together, and kids preferred it.

hazyjo

I'm the one without kids in one group of friends. It was getting ridiculous - I rarely see their kids. I was buying for birthdays and Christmas. One day I just said 'I'll just do Christmas from now on' and tbh didn't really think too much about what they thought.

I'm even regretting that lol! One's son is now around 24 and when he got to 21 I just bought for my friend instead. Shame that one of them still has a really young child still or I'd have just said the same to the others. I think one year I shall just buy for my friends.

As for birthdays, we just take each other out for dinner instead of presents. It helps us keep in touch and see each other. Perhaps you could make a similar suggestion, although that's obviously more difficult with just 2 of you. Perhaps a cheap meal deal or an afternoon tea, breakfast/brunch or even just treat the other to coffee/cake.