Living in the black

enthusiasticsaver

Thanks for the responses and you have some good ideas re cutting back so good luck with that.

I have to say I do not know how anyone can afford to live in the SE now considering the cost of housing there so I sympathise that you have had to take out such a large mortgage. We moved away from a south London suburb 30 years ago to live in Cornwall after my DH was offered a job transfer. Never regretted it. At least you will have options when you do retire if you are then able to live elsewhere in the country as the value of SE houses massively outstrips houses elsewhere in the UK.

Yellow_mango

There’s nothing more frustrating (to me) than having a plan and having to wait to do anything on it. I’ve got my spreadsheets all set up, but almost 2 weeks until payday when I can actually see any movement. I’m not good at this long game stuff.

So I’m going to focus on the only thing I can for the moment. My spending until the end of the month. My first challenge is to stick within the balance on my Starling account. As at today, £239.64.

My only spend yesterday was £6.05 on pet food.

I need to go to London today for a work meeting, which means a £50 train ticket. This will motivate me to submit my expenses promptly so I get this back ASAP. Actually I’ve got a few weeks worth to do, so that could be a bit of a bonus :-)

I will also take a bottle of water and my lunch with me to avoid spending any other money whilst I’m there!

I also need to book an appointment at the vet for the cat to have her vaccinations so she can go into a Cattery whilst we’re on holiday. That could screw up my spending plans... Should really get the dog done too whilst I’m at it. She’s not been this year :-/

Moneywhizz

Just had a quick read of your diary. You have so much potential to take control of your money and get things sorted out quite quickly. You have had lots of good advice from ES. The one thing that could frustrate your efforts is the fact that your Oh is not really on board. Understandably he thinks because he works hard and earns good money, he can spend money too. He must know however how high your expenses are and how much that takes from his salary. Do you think he would be happy for you both to work out a personal allowance for him to have that he can spend any way he chooses. Then you know exactly how much is left for your budget, rather than him using the joint cash for hobbies, socialising and meals out. He will then have to choose how to spend his money and what really is important to him. Maybe extra Sky packages could come out of that too! Obviously it would have to be realistic amount but at least it is budgeted for and you know where you stand. Hope you manage to get to payday on the cash you have left.

Yellow_mango

I’ve gone backwards and forwards on him having an “allowance”. When we’ve done that before it just turned into a black hole that I had no visibility or control over, and ran up large overdraft charges. I’m not sure that he will be willing to separate personal and joint expenses at a point of spend level, and so the risk is that it all gets mixed up.

It’s taken me several years to get everything into the joint account so I can at least keep track of it, and I’m slightly nervous to lose that visibility again.

Though he does keep (jokingly) moaning about me “snooping” on his spending when I get the Starling notifications. So maybe he’d prefer to have a pot that I can’t snoop at. I’ve tried several times to have a conversation about it, but he’s just not interested. I’ll keep trying.

enthusiasticsaver

Yellow_mango wrote: »

I’ve gone backwards and forwards on him having an “allowance”. When we’ve done that before it just turned into a black hole that I had no visibility or control over, and ran up large overdraft charges. I’m not sure that he will be willing to separate personal and joint expenses at a point of spend level, and so the risk is that it all gets mixed up.

It’s taken me several years to get everything into the joint account so I can at least keep track of it, and I’m slightly nervous to lose that visibility again.

Though he does keep (jokingly) moaning about me “snooping” on his spending when I get the Starling notifications. So maybe he’d prefer to have a pot that I can’t snoop at. I’ve tried several times to have a conversation about it, but he’s just not interested. I’ll keep trying.

I have to say that is the only way I have managed to get my DH on board with any sort of budgeting by us both having personal accounts with allowances going into it. Our sky package and country club memberships and National trust remain as joint expenses though as do our mobile contracts. He now has a limited amount to spend on hobbies (which includes the phenomenally large number of tools he seems to need these days considering he does very little DIY) and he will not go overdrawn or use a credit card so just stops spending when it is gone. No snooping needed and yes I accept he fritters/wastes a lot in my opinion but I no longer care about it.

enthusiasticsaver

Presumably if your DH is a reasonably clever man he must be used to dealing with budgets and objectives at work so why not have a conversation along these lines about your personal expenditure.

What are your medium and short term financial objectives? Pay off the debt first then presumably that might be a holiday next year or a second car or an extension?

What are your longer term objectives? - Pay off mortgage early or retire early or go part time or to a less stressful job or even move to a cheaper area of the country? Help your children through Uni and on to the property ladder?

So the next question you ask him is how do you get there? How do you control your expenses enough to save to reach objectives? What is needed and what is just wanted and could be let go of.


It does not have to be confrontational. Just a conversation about how he sees your financial future. Does he want to work until 67 or 68 in his current job? If not how will you maintain this lifestyle? I find with my DH little and often is the way to discuss finances. He turns cold at the mention of budgeting but he knows his allowance is £200 a month and I have said there is the possibility of that increasing if we cut unnecessary costs. He then has an incentive to do that. Similarly I make sure I take the same amount as an allowance even if I don't spend it every month.

Working_Mum

Hello and welcome Yellow_Mango
Well done for realising you need to change things to have the future you want. Your thread reminded me of a poster here called Foxgloves - she has a thread here:-

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/75939875#Comment_75939875

It is a funny and lighthearted romp through her and her husband's debt free journey. Her post today made me think about your husband - Foxgloves H used to be much worse than her at spending money on cards etc but is now completely different.

There are some books I would recommend for you - The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and William Danko - absolutely life changing read for me. Have you read Dave Ramsey? A lot of what is recommended on here is echoed in his books etc - it is very brash and American but again a life changer for me.

My marriage broke down 10 years ago and me ex-husband left me in enormous debt with two children in private school (he was also quite patchy at paying his way for a few years). I am self employed and *knew* I had to work hard to keep everything afloat.

Your husband may not be on board just yet but Enthusiastic Saver's last post seems a very pragmatic way ahead.

I keep tabs of every spend in a notebook and have done for the last 10 years! My children have seen me "budgetting" and they are now both really savvy with money.

There are no easy routes out I am afraid. It is a simple case of layering good healthy behaviours one after the other and eventually you realise you have moved a mountain. A £90k mountain in my case.

Some things I would recommend:-
* always shop from home first
* always shop with a list
* do an audit of everything that is in your food/ stationery/gifts/toiletries cupboards and then you don't duplicate buy
* meal plan! meal plan!! meal plan!!
* have an "emergency tenner" in the back of your purse in case you spot an absolute bargain or an impromptu coffee with friends OR to cheer you up if you are feeling a bit flat.
* get savvy with your store loyalty cards - carry them in the first instance but be vigilante to any bonuses etc which can make your budget go further

I have a weekly budget of £150 and this is my "Food, fuel & Fun Money" - this may be too little or too much for you but I have found it works for me and ultimately that is the fun in this whole process is finding something which works for you!!

Keep posting and keep reading others threads, they are a HUGE source of inspiration and ideas. I read the Old Style forum for frugal ideas around food/gardening etc

Good luck
((hugs))
Working Mum

Yellow_mango

Thank you Working Mum! A lot to read and digest there!

I have a weekly budget of £150 and this is my "Food, fuel & Fun Money" - this may be too little or too much for you but I have found it works for me and ultimately that is the fun in this whole process is finding something which works for you!!

I REALLY like this idea!

We all like a takeaway on a Friday night. So I was thinking of starting on a Saturday morning, that way the weekend grocery shop would get first dibs, and anything left on a Friday can fund the takeaway! It’s great incentive to keep the grocery shop down gives real visibility on what is available for “fun” :-)

Yellow_mango

ES - what you say makes perfect sense. I will keep trying.

I do think on reflection that a personal allowance for both of us would make things a lot easier for me. It’s just persuading him to take the responsibility that goes with that. Which I know is kind of the point.

I’m thinking that the way to sell it is as a way for him to save for the bigger things he wants. If the plan is to clear out and then fund the joint account every week, there will never be enough in a weekly budget to fund a weekend away for him, or a big dinner out, or new kit for his bike.

Yellow_mango

Oh and today’s spending update. The ticket cost £55.90. I’ll submit my expense claim this evening so hopefully will get that back ASAP.

DS1 also needed a new pair of jeans as he has a trip tomorrow and all his have holes in (they do). So that was £10 in Primark. I hate shopping there, but the clothes budget isn’t funded yet so needs must. And apparently it’s cool...!

Balance now - £173.64.