Living in the black

ohdearhowdidthathappen

You sound very organised! Lovely feeling to know you're on holiday once you get throught the week!

Yellow_mango

Just a quick check in. All very boring so far this week. Everything is all set up and doing it’s thing. I’ve run out of things to update on my spreadsheet.

Some minor things:

My HSBC account is up and running, so I can get my dd set up for the school fees.

I’ve made the minimum payment on my BC transfer card, since apparently the dd wouldn’t switch in time for this months payment. Dds for the other two cards should go through in time so I’m waiting on those to transfer.

I ended up setting up a vet care plan thing for the cat yesterday. £10 a month, but covers all jabs and meds, and meant I had to pay only £30 yesterday, rather than the £100 now and another £40 in 3 weeks they were trying to charge me.

I’ve been having debates with myself about the kids pocket money / allowances. Currently they get 3x their age per month. Which is basically just for spending. DS1 spent most of his on an expensive phone contract, and spends the rest as soon as it comes in. The younger 2 don’t spend much and are by default saving a decent chunk of theirs.

DS1 is 15 next month. I’d like to give him a little more, and for it to cover more, so that he can actually learn to manage it. In particular I’m thinking he can take responsibility for his own clothes, and stuff like gifts etc. Also he has a £50pa subscription for his Xbox that I ended up paying the other day. And a football club membership. I’d like him to save up and cover stuff like that too.

The trouble is he has so little spending money after his phone contract, I’m worried that he would just spend any extra I give him and not end up covering anything else. And I want him to feel the pain of the phone contract.

Also, if I give the others more too, they will end up saving even more, and the discrepancy will get even bigger.

Not sure what the answer is here. What do others do to keep things fair with multiple children?

Working_Mum

You seem to be making really good strides YM! You should be proud.

I have always paid my children their pocket money each week directly into their bank account , £10 per week, my company pays for their mobile phone contracts and I used to pay them their family allowance every 4 weeks (around £65) - their Dad would give them £40 on the first of each month.

I expected them to pay for the clothes from their family allowance (I bought pants, socks, coats, school stuff etc). They both took part time jobs from being 14 and they paid for their social lives etc from that.

I would say they both manage their money quite well now (my son is almost 21 and my daughter is just 18) and cut their cloth according to their budget. There have been a few times I have loaned them money which they've always repaid within agreed timescales.

I openly discuss budgetting etc with them as I never had this kind of input and so wish I had.

Have a good holiday when it gets here!!

Yellow_mango

Thank you WM! That’s really helpful.

I do pay for £10 SIM only plans for both boys.

The contract DS1 has is for a new iPhone. He traded in his old one and got a new XR on 24m interest free payments from the Apple shop. Which is better value than getting a contract through a network provider. But still. He has been fine about deducting the payments from his pocket money, but it leaves him with only £17pm.

It’s the discrepancy between the two boys I find hard. DS2 is 13 but just not interested in spending money. He’s happy with a cheap Huawei phone he got for his birthday. Doesn’t care about clothes. Doesn’t particularly want to go out with his friends. The only thing he ever buys is sweets :rotfl:

It seems to bother them less than me though!

I think I might increase their allowance to 5x age, on the basis it covers everything. Then DS1 will have £50pm after deducting his phone payments. That feels a bit more reasonable.

enthusiasticsaver

My two girls got the child benefit split equally between them from the age of 12/13 but they are only 18 months apart. That had to cover non school clothes, entertainment etc. If they wanted more they had to earn it which they did from the age of 16 by getting weekend and evening jobs. Sometimes you can make things too easy for teenagers/adults with the result they never learn to prioritise their money.

Quite clearly your DS1 has prioritised a new iPhone and it leaves him with a small amount so he should feel the pain of that so maybe in future he chooses a phone more in line with his pocket money especially as he also wants other things. There is no discrepancy between how you treat your boys but obviously one is not bothered about expensive phones etc and the other is. What message do you want to send them? Are you happy that DS1 got what is essentially an expensive phone when an older iPhone would have done just as well? I have an iphone7 and on principle will not get the XR as I don't think it is worth paying the extra for it. DS2 should IMHO be congratulated for his frugality with his money. He will do well.

Giving more money to them all so DS1 has a larger amount of spending money seems contradictory when you are trying to economise. Maybe suggest to your DS1 he spends less on his next phone when his 24 months are up so he realises if he spends a lot on that he has less for everything else? I also would not be paying out for x box subs or football club subs. He has to prioritise money to learn anything so if you pay for it all he has no incentive to be careful.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

I don't personally do it by age... pocket money starts at secondary with us ( so only older two get it), they get £50 per month and that pays for mobile phone and any 'wants'.
My eldest daughter is very spendy yet workshy and always trying to wangle more cash out of me. It's a constant battle... ie 'yes you might need trainers, I'll give you £40, you top up the other £50 to get the dogs !!!!!!!! ones you want' .... my son is spendy, but willing to work. He has a paper round that earns him £25 a week on top of his pocket money. He likes gadgets and has to save for them
Funny enough, they were both willing to hold onto their iPhone SEs and swap to SIM only when they knew they'd be paying for any new contracts!

Yellow_mango

Giving more money to them all so DS1 has a larger amount of spending money seems contradictory when you are trying to economise. Maybe suggest to your DS1 he spends less on his next phone when his 24 months are up so he realises if he spends a lot on that he has less for everything else? I also would not be paying out for x box subs or football club subs. He has to prioritise money to learn anything so if you pay for it all he has no incentive to be careful.

Yes this is why I am torn. I want him to feel the pain of his choice on the phone. Which he is doing, and has accepted. But I would also like him to start taking responsibility for covering other costs such as clothes, gifts, subs etc. And that is not reasonable on his current allowance. So I end up covering all that stuff, which teaches him nothing.

So the idea is that the increase would not give him more spending money, but more responsibility and control over other costs.

But then if I give him more I’d need to increase the others too even though they don’t need it, or risk punishing their frugality. Which obviously I don’t want.

In hindsight allowing the phone was probably not the best idea. But it’s done now. And he is at least keeping up with the agreement to cover the cost without complaining.

I don’t know. I’ll keep pondering. Nothing to do on it this month anyway. They’re all paid up now.

Spendy_Spenderson

Just my two pence worth, I'd be tempted to increase the older boy's money only, with the idea that at 15 he is old enough to start taking responsibility for some of these additional items (clothes, subs etc). When the younger ones reach the same age then you increase theirs to the same amount. At that point they may be more interested in having more clothes / going out with their friends or whatever the case may be, in which case they have the same increased budget to cover these. If they're not interested in these same things and continue to be frugal with their increased budget, then they will have some savings for themselves. Their choice to prioritize at that point.


Being fair is not giving everyone exactly the same at the exact same point, whether they need it or not. Being fair is recognizing the different needs brought about my age / situation etc and responding accordingly. All children will be treated equally by being entitled to the same amount of money, at the same point in their lives (when they reach 15 and their general needs increase).


Just another option to consider which may help resolve some of the discrepancy.

Yellow_mango

Thank you Spendy. That makes a lot of sense. And is actually where I started on all this before I started thinking about it too hard!

Yellow_mango

Just a quick check in from my holiday. This week has been very spendy. We have a self-catering house, so have been shopping at supermarkets and cooking at home most of the time, but even that seems so much more expensive.

I had allocated £500pw spending money (as compared to our “usual” £200) but even that is totally out of the window. Not quite sure how as we’ve barely left the house but anyway... To be fair that does include food on the road during a 2 day drive, an overnight stay in a budget hotel, a full tank of petrol, a few toll roads, and 100 euros in cash, most of which we still have. We have been keeping to debit card spending and not reverted to using the credit card though.

For future reference, I think all inclusive would be way cheaper. It’s always a false economy trying to DIY and self-cater. Although this is the first time I’ve really kept track of exactly HOW much it costs rather than just sticking it all on the credit card and dealing with it later.

At least we should be saving a little on fees and fx rates using the Starling card rather than a credit card.