Keeping on the Straight and Narrow...

FootyFanDan

DancingInTheRain said:

Really struggling to juggle everything at the moment, it's impacting on my sleep and mental health. The busy-ness of the last few weeks is taking its toll as I'm not sure I can manage this pace all the time.

Don't want to make any rash decisions but I think I'm coming to the realisation that my job is taking more out of me than the gains me and my family are getting out of me being in this role. I've got a real sense of imposter syndrome and feel like I'm decidedly average or worse in all areas of my life when I'm usually someone who takes everything in my stride and is quite optimistic and positive so it's taking some processing.

Trying to evaluate the pros and cons while keeping an eye on the local job market as not working at all isn't an option.

We're not adding to debt but definitely spending more money trying to inject moments of fun/joy or to treat ourselves 'just because' which isn't great either.

I'm sure it'll all work out, just struggling to see how at the moment 😞

Try to end on a positive - energy prices dropping mean out monthly payment is dropping nicely and we've secured a 12 month fix, used the MSE guide and it seems to be a good option for us, if nothing else it gives us a bit of certainty on energy costs for the next year. Also used some money from TopCa$hback to send £100 to the mortgage account so that's at a nice round £66,000!

Wow - it literally feels like I could have written this post! Sorry to read things have been so tough for you over last few weeks. I think sometimes it is good to evaluate and try decide whether the path you are heading down is a route you want to travel. It is very difficult to try make the right call but if your feeling the family side is being impacted it might be time to mix it up a bit. 

Wishing you the best of luck in finding you again  

sashybo

Sorry to her you're struggling, it's so hard to balance everything. 😔 Hopefully you can find something that suits you better or at least make some changes to make things easier in the meantime. Sending hugs.

DancingInTheRain

Thanks all for your comments, much appreciated. Not sure how it's going to play out but have definitely got my eye on the local jobs market, think working from home is taking its toll. It does have its benefits but I get a lot of energy from working with others so I think that's something to bear in mind. Not sleeping great is definitely not helping - I woke up at 5 this morning after broken sleep and still awake now as I just can't switch off, this is after taking a sleeping pill and listening to a meditation 😬

Got an in person catch up withy manager later in the week so time for a honest conversation I think, also catching up with my bestie later in the week as she's having a tough time at the moment too, hopefully both conversations will help me get a bit of clarity.

Going to try to settle down again now, hopefully grab a few hours before it all starts again in the morning.

savingholmes

Best of luck. Horrible when you feel as you and Dan describe.

DancingInTheRain

Not feeling much better so taking some time off work to get some breathing space, try to relax and work out my options.

Meeting bestie later, will appreciate her perspective.

On a positive note I have applied for another job with a local company, it's less hours but also less pressure so we'll see what comes of that.

In readiness for the children being off I've just spent £1.01 on some unnecessary travel insurance via the meerkat company so we can get the free movie tickets, small wins. Trying to get back into the accumulation of small gains perspective...

savingholmes

Hope the time off helps clarify your options. Well done on taking time for you and on applying for a new job.

DancingInTheRain

I need to try to get in touch with my GP tomorrow to request a sick note as the thought of going back to work literally fills me with panic. I have some annual leave booked at the end of this week and into the following week but just can't face logging on tomorrow, slept really badly again last night and every time I woke up my first thought was work.

Trying to do some positive things so have been out for a walk each day, made comforting meals - soups, stews, etc & even had a few naps which is unheard of but I'm just so exhausted.

Good to also catch up with my bestie, known her forever and we've worked together off and on over the years so she has a good insight as to what makes me tick on the work front as well as how I am in my home life. She threw out a few thought provoking questions and has actually helped me identify that this job simply isn't a good fit for me at this point in my life, and I'm burning myself out by using up lots of energy trying to make myself fit. Was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me but has given me a bit of clarity, DH and I are weighing up options but he's given me his full support if I choose to hand my notice in.

In money saving news, DH has organised a new broadband contract as our current one is ending later this month.

We have also balance transferred the credit card to one of our other credit cards which means our 0% will now be until January 25. 

Lazy day today for all of us,  they boys are tired as the run up to the end of term has been busy so as the weather is rubbish PJ's are on and we're having a quiet day. I've forced myself out for a 20 minute walk so had a little fresh air at least.

savingholmes

Sorry you are feeling so rough. Hope things improve soon. 

I have walked out of a job in the past - as in resigned with nothing to go to. It led me to the organisation I am now with and have been for 10 years. It's scary at the time - but if it's right things will fall into place. Make a list of things you enjoy in a job - and how many hours you are willing to work and how local you need to be - and then look for that.

DancingInTheRain

Thanks @savingholmes good advice which I intend to follow. DH and I have had several conversations the last week or 2 and realistically both of us working full time is extremely difficult to manage with 2 young children, support from family is limited as our Mums are quite elderly now. We want their time with their grandchildren to be enjoyable, not a job for them. Paid childcare in our area is virtually non-existent once children reach school age. The boys enjoy going to breakfast club before school but the after school clubs are either intermittent in terms of availability or simply just too exhausting, especially for DS2. As DH has consistently been the higher earner in our relationship it makes sense for me to work less, just difficult to accept as I've always been so financially independent pre children. DH is fantastic though and we are very much a team so we need to make the best decision for our family at this point in our lives. I have seen another job opportunity so intend to apply for that this week. 

savingholmes

Good luck with the job hunt. Is going true part time instead of compressed hours an option where you are or is it the wrong fit regardless?