A learning experience

Jonlom

Hi. About six months ago neighbours of 30 or so years, who I now class as 'former friends, ' said, after agreeing on a price, they would buy our house for their elderly Mother/Mother in law for whom they have power of attorney, so she would be closer to them. They said they had access to sufficient funds to just move money around,pay for our house cash, and refund the account when her current house sold. They gave their word that 'whatever happened', if she was taken into care or even died, they would buy our house because it would be a good investment for the future. Several conversations in the following months confirmed their position and we made plans and acted accordingly.
After spending the intervening time searching for a new home,which we found and put an offer on, getting rid of stuff to downsize and sorting out our house in general they dropped a bombshell on us a couple of weeks ago. After coming back from a holiday they told us the Mother had deteriorated ( in the week they were away!) would need to go in a home and they now didn't have the cash after all.(they also said they had another, very expensive holliday coming up which didn't increase our sympathy) My wife and I are trying very hard to look on this as 'a learning experience from which we can grow' rather than the incandescent rage, that our trust can be so betrayed, which we actually feel. We would obviously have used solicitors for the actual conveyancing but from what we've read a verbal contract 'isn't worth the paper it's written on' as far property is concerned.So about the only thing we can do is put the house on the market,cross the couple off our Christmas card list and try and get on with our lives.
Cathartic rant over, but I think my wife and I will have 'trust issues' with any friends we have or make in the future.
Cheers.

AnotherJoe

Would have been no different were you selling to a stranger.
With the best will in the world people with dementia do experience sudden declines and they may also have been in denial about the state their mother was in.
These things happen for much more trivial reasons and expecting them to hold fast to a promise made under different circumstances is, frankly, foolish. Maybe the penny has dropped that being a LL isn't a sinecure and also that a house perfect for someone with dementia isn't the best one for general rental.
On the upside you've made a start on clearing out which you'd have to do anyway so other than a bit of disappointment I think you are making too much of what, probably is them coming to their senses and expecting them to be bound by what was, ultimately a foolish (and expensive)promise was unrealistic.

Jonlom

In our earliest conversations they accepted the inevitable, that the Mother was declining quite quickly and even if she didn't have much time the house would be ideal for one of their daughters - so there was a 'fall back' position in place as far as we were concerned. Having had, cared for, for up to 4 years, and eventually realised that we could not cope so a nursing home was the only optionr for three relatives with dementia I have great sympathy for the position they are in. I fully accept that changing circumstances may overwhelm promises given in good faith but that doesn't mean I have to like it!

AnotherJoe

If you want to make god laugh tell him your plans.

Albala

That sounds like a lousy situation, and you have my sympathy. Hopefully you will still get the house, or find another great house which you love, sell easily to a good buyer, and be glad in the end that you were nudged into moving. And if one was a bit naughty, one might hope your buyer plays the trombone.



Generally it is said, 'don't buy a house or a car from a friend' and this sort of thing is why- if it goes wrong, you lose a friend and/or a sale. But having said that, my parents bought a house from a friend. Never a cross word about it from start to finish, and they have lived there happily for over 40 years. So sometimes trust is justified. But they did do everything through solicitors, and I think that may be the best way to go between friends- do everything from the start the same way you would with a stranger, and keep it impersonal. A sort of selling equivalent of 'good fences make good neighbours'.


I hope it all works out for you in the end.

csgohan4

Nothing is ever set in stone until contracts are exchanged, buying from stranger or not.

Taking people's word for it without account for changes in life and no contracts exchanged is naive.

You can't force them to buy your house and a holiday which you have no idea the context, plenty of people decline at times you don't expect.

Just because they may want to buy your house, doesn't mean they can't go on holiday, who are you to dictate their lifestyle.

Their priorities are their mother not you and rightly so.

Live and learn perhaps, but throwing your toys out of the pram isn't going to change things. Move on with your life.

As above the old adage, money and friends shouldn't mix

-taff

Next time ask for a non refundable deposit to cement their offer...
Probably won't be a nex ttime though....