Really need advice. How can I get cash for fertility treatment!

heidi3333

andydownes123 wrote: »

OP: I need money for IVF
OP: I'm £27,000 in debt
OP: Should I sell my house?


Get a grip on your emotions and finances OP - you're acting like a monkey with a machine gun.

Thanks for your understanding.

smem18

Sorry but I agree with the comments saying you need to reevaluate what you are doing. I understand you want another child but it looks like you are simply not in the financial position to have one. I am quite shocked you are even considering selling your home. Where would you live? Have you considered that rent typically costs much more than mortgage repayments and that you may also struggle to find somewhere to rent due to your debt (many rental agencies and landlords do a credit check) and that a deposit and fees will required upfront (deposit is the equivalent often 6 weeks rent up). How will you support yourself and your children whilst on maternity leave?

Sorry to be critical but I think what you are considering is madness. Please pay your debt off and then you can do your best to provide for the special child that you already have.

heidi3333

smem18 wrote: »

Sorry but I agree with the comments saying you need to reevaluate what you are doing. I understand you want another child but it looks like you are simply not in the financial position to have one. I am quite shocked you are even considering selling your home. Where would you live? Have you considered that rent typically costs much more than mortgage repayments and that you may also struggle to find somewhere to rent due to your debt (many rental agencies and landlords do a credit check) and that a deposit and fees will required upfront (deposit is the equivalent often 6 weeks rent up). How will you support yourself and your children whilst on maternity leave?

Sorry to be critical but I think what you are considering is madness. Please pay your debt off and then you can do your best to provide for the special child that you already have.

I won't sell my house. I'm not that wreck less! It was just a thought.

Tropically

heidi3333 wrote: »

Like I said I'll be a lot better off in 2 years time when I'll have paid off a big chunk of my debt. I'm not only ding this for me but for my daughter also. Yes, maybe it'd be more sensible to wait until I'm debt free but I'll be nearly 50 then and my chances of conceiving would ne zero. If everyone sat down and figured out how they would afford a child nobody would have them. You just manage somehow.

Your daughter would be better off without a sibling rather than with family that is stressed about money. Financial stress is awful on children. Children of parents who have difficulties with debt are five times more likely to have low well-being.
. Children are left with poorer mental health and a feeling of shame and embarrassment. Debt meant not being able to go on outings, take part in activities like sports or school trips, missing out on things like birthdays, extended family gatherings or family holidays.

There is also this scientific study:

Children of financially stressed parents tend to be more prone to mental health problems, depression, loneliness, and are more emotionally sensitive. They are less sociable and more distrustful, and are more likely to feel excluded by their peers, especially if they are girls. Boys of financially stressed parents are likely to exhibit low self-esteem, to show behaviour problems in school, and be susceptible to negative peer pressure and alcohol and drug problems. Financial stress is related to poorer academic performance in both boys and girls. Takeuchi, Williams, and Adair (1991) conducted interviews with a representative US sample of 1,377 children aged 7-11 years and their parents. They found that financial stress was associated with more symptoms of depression, antisocial behaviour, and impulsive behaviour in children.

You need to do right by your living and breathing daughter rather than selfishly seeking fertility treatment that you can't afford. You don't have the money and can't even borrow it. If you think that you will be better off in two years, then you should wait until then to do the fertility treatment. Even if there is a lower chance that you will conceive, that would be the right thing to do for your daughter.

La_escocesa

Whenever you're debt free and have savings (even though you may then be too old for fertility treatment) routes of adoption would still be open to you. I don't think they'd be open to you at the moment, however, as I think you need to prove you can take a year off work for adoption leave.

I think it would also be great for you to speak to a specialist fertility counselor to talk about what you're going through now. BICA approved counsellors are worth their weight in gold IMHO: https://www.bica.net/find-a-counsellor

heidi3333

La_escocesa wrote: »

Whenever you're debt free and have savings (even though you may then be too old for fertility treatment) routes of adoption would still be open to you. I don't think they'd be open to you at the moment, however, as I think you need to prove you can take a year off work for adoption leave.

I think it would also be great for you to speak to a specialist fertility counselor to talk about what you're going through now. BICA approved counsellors are worth their weight in gold IMHO: https://www.bica.net/find-a-counsellor

Thanks for this. I never thought a lot speaking to a fertility counsel er but it's probably a good idea.

Jox

When your daughter is a bit older and your potential other child they will need their own rooms, how many rooms are in your flat?

I have 1 son and I would love another child but unfortunately I can't afford it (I have a 3 bed house and a mortgage of £230k and debts of £20k). I'm thinking of fostering in the future once I've got my debts down a bit.

Does your child have any cousins they can spend time with? Once your child starts school they will have lots of friends so you can arrange play dates after school and at weekends.

Mrs_Ryan

This may sound terrible and for that I apologise.
You have a daughter. Some people (me included and I am younger than you) cannot have children at all and yet here’s you in shedloads of debt wanting another child which would involve more debt?
Being an only child isn’t the end of the world.
I think perhaps you should re-evaluate your priorities.

heidi3333

Tropically wrote: »

Your daughter would be better off without a sibling rather than with family that is stressed about money. Financial stress is awful on children. Children of parents who have difficulties with debt are five times more likely to have low well-being.
. Children are left with poorer mental health and a feeling of shame and embarrassment. Debt meant not being able to go on outings, take part in activities like sports or school trips, missing out on things like birthdays, extended family gatherings or family holidays.

There is also this scientific study:

Children of financially stressed parents tend to be more prone to mental health problems, depression, loneliness, and are more emotionally sensitive. They are less sociable and more distrustful, and are more likely to feel excluded by their peers, especially if they are girls. Boys of financially stressed parents are likely to exhibit low self-esteem, to show behaviour problems in school, and be susceptible to negative peer pressure and alcohol and drug problems. Financial stress is related to poorer academic performance in both boys and girls. Takeuchi, Williams, and Adair (1991) conducted interviews with a representative US sample of 1,377 children aged 7-11 years and their parents. They found that financial stress was associated with more symptoms of depression, antisocial behaviour, and impulsive behaviour in children.

You need to do right by your living and breathing daughter rather than selfishly seeking fertility treatment that you can't afford. You don't have the money and can't even borrow it. If you think that you will be better off in two years, then you should wait until then to do the fertility treatment. Even if there is a lower chance that you will conceive, that would be the right thing to do for your daughter.

Thanks for this. It's given me a lot to think about. By having another baby I was hoping to enrich my daughters life not make it worse but you have made a lot of good points.

heidi3333

Jox wrote: »

When your daughter is a bit older and your potential other child they will need their own rooms, how many rooms are in your flat?

I have 1 son and I would love another child but unfortunately I can't afford it (I have a 3 bed house and a mortgage of £230k and debts of £20k). I'm thinking of fostering in the future once I've got my debts down a bit.

Does your child have any cousins they can spend time with? Once your child starts school they will have lots of friends so you can arrange play dates after school and at weekends.

Hi yes she has 3 cousins she's close to that she sees most weekends. I guess I just feel my family is incomplete. I also feel bad that I haven't been able
To give her a Daddy and so I'd at least like to give her a sibling. I worry that when I'm gone she won't have any close family members to turn to as my parents will be gone too by then!

I don't have a spare room in my current flat but would consider moving house to accommodate an adopted child in the future.