Female bullied at work by male colleague

Poison877

Les79 wrote: »

I'll explain.


An assertiveness course is one which teaches you how to be "assertive" and stand up for yourself. How to express yourself in a way which makes your point heard and understood, and garner respect.


I can find a course online for you if you'd like, so that you can pass it over to your partner?

I understand the point of the course , and believe me I know You want to help.
It's the "home problem" and the " thing is being controlled for her" bit that I can't grasp , kind of feels like he/she is insinuating something.
I just can't help feeling that some people are looking at this from the wrong angle.
I am a boyfriend trying to help his girlfriend , how can some people see the bad in that ?
I don't understand
Appreciate Your help in this by the way , your advice are helpful.:staradmin

elsien

It's obvious that you want to help and to go about it the right way.

But your initial comment about stepping in "man to man", and then stepping in and writing the letter for her can be read as implying that you're taking over as well rather than supporting her to tackle it herself. I suspect that may be where the comment came from.

motorguy

Poison877 wrote: »

THANK YOU for helping :heart2:
I did put a letter togher and will send it in the post tomorrow.
Poor thing I feel like I can't do anything for her , hope the letter helps.

Shes a supervisor, she needs to manage this person.

I'd be formally taking them to one side, saying the behaviour exhibited on that occasion was not acceptable and CANNOT happen again, otherwise action will be taken.

I would get her to speak to her manager in advance advising them thats what she will be doing. I would also get her to get up to speed with the company's disciplinary procedure and follow it to the T against this person.

If she doesnt feel she can have that conversation on her own with the person, she should bring her manager along, however SHE needs to lead and do the talking, not her manager.

Manage them out if needs be. Not a pups chance i'd be tolerating it, or writing a letter to my manager complaining.

Sending a grievance letter for bullying is wholly the wrong approach IMHO. As is you writing it for her, as is you thinking about sorting it out "man to man".

motorguy

Les79 wrote: »

I'll explain.


An assertiveness course is one which teaches you how to be "assertive" and stand up for yourself. How to express yourself in a way which makes your point heard and understood, and garner respect.


I can find a course online for you if you'd like, so that you can pass it over to your partner?

+1

Shes a supervisor. She needs to manage these people.

Comms69

Poison877 wrote: »

I understand the point of the course , and believe me I know You want to help.
It's the "home problem" and the " thing is being controlled for her" bit that I can't grasp , kind of feels like he/she is insinuating something.
I just can't help feeling that some people are looking at this from the wrong angle.
I am a boyfriend trying to help his girlfriend , how can some people see the bad in that ?
I don't understand
Appreciate Your help in this by the way , your advice are helpful.:staradmin

Because she’s a adult and should be capable of resolving this; if she can’t she really isn’t suitable for management

pmduk

Poison877 wrote: »

I am a boyfriend trying to help his girlfriend , how can some people see the bad in that ?

There is help, but then there is getting too involved. I suggest you limit your help in supporting her outside the workplace and letting her do her job when she's at work.

ViolaLass

Poison877 wrote: »

I understand the point of the course , and believe me I know You want to help.
It's the "home problem" and the " thing is being controlled for her" bit that I can't grasp , kind of feels like he/she is insinuating something.
I just can't help feeling that some people are looking at this from the wrong angle.
I am a boyfriend trying to help his girlfriend , how can some people see the bad in that ?
I don't understand
Appreciate Your help in this by the way , your advice are helpful.:staradmin

You're acting like a parent, trying to fix it for her. She needs to be an adult and work this out herself. You can and should support her, of course, but you shouldn't be doing any of it 'for' her.

hollydays

Poison877 wrote: »

Please forgive if off topic.

I am a bit worried about my girlfriend: she works in hospitality and last week she started telling me about a new member of her team ( a man ) who has been treating her very unkindly on the workplace.
My girlfriend is a supervisor and she is in a position where she has to talk to him very frequently to ask him to do things.
Since last Sunday he has started shouting at her, punching the walls after she has asked him to do something, generally behaving in disrespect, banging object on the surface while she is around , telling her he hates her, refusing any invitation to talk and and so on so forth.
Nothing physical or any swearing has happened but she feels worried he might do something more seriously next time.

She already tried to talk to her Manager who is being very dismissive about it and , although the option of going there and resolve it "man to man" is very appealing to me, since I don't want her to have troubles with her job I am looking for a more "sophisticated" way of helping her.
I have wrote a letter for her similar to a grievance letter for bullying although a bit less formal and we'll put it in the post.

Is there anything else I can do to help her in this situation if her boss refuses to take action ?
Any places where I can go and speak to ? Citizen Advice Bureau ? Police even ?

Thanks to the ones who will help

You say nothing physical has happened but his behaviour is odd, worrying, I would be concerned this is going to escalate into violence,,though we've only heard one side.

Men tend to see problems and want to fix them.
Women often just want to be able to talk through the issue.

getmore4less

she works in hospitality and last week she started telling me about a new member of her team ( a man ) who has been treating her very unkindly on the workplace.

you need to keep out of this workplace.
Posting letters is not a smart move, your OH needs to deal with this in the workplace.

Is this a new employee or just new to the team?

If new employee talk to the person that recruited them

If new to the team talk to the previous supervisor.


How big is the team?

What sort of hospitality?

motorguy

getmore4less wrote: »

you need to keep out of this workplace.
Posting letters is not a smart move, your OH needs to deal with this in the workplace.

Is this a new employee or just new to the team?

If new employee talk to the person that recruited them

If new to the team talk to the previous supervisor.


How big is the team?

What sort of hospitality?

+1

She needs to manage this person, and also escalate she is having to do so to her line manager and to HR.