Female bullied at work by male colleague

Poison877

Thank You for the good luck wishes

Paparika

If you ever feel you need to ignore someone on here, click on their name, veiw profile and under lists is ignore :money:

Les79

Good luck OP with your fluffy responses on here.

nicechap

Poison877 wrote: »

Please forgive if off topic.

I am a bit worried about my girlfriend: she works in hospitality and last week she started telling me about a new member of her team ( a man ) who has been treating her very unkindly on the workplace.
My girlfriend is a supervisor and she is in a position where she has to talk to him very frequently to ask him to do things.
Since last Sunday he has started shouting at her, punching the walls after she has asked him to do something, generally behaving in disrespect, banging object on the surface while she is around , telling her he hates her, refusing any invitation to talk and and so on so forth.
Nothing physical or any swearing has happened but she feels worried he might do something more seriously next time.

She already tried to talk to her Manager who is being very dismissive about it and , although the option of going there and resolve it "man to man" is very appealing to me, since I don't want her to have troubles with her job I am looking for a more "sophisticated" way of helping her.
I have wrote a letter for her similar to a grievance letter for bullying although a bit less formal and we'll put it in the post.

Is there anything else I can do to help her in this situation if her boss refuses to take action ?
Any places where I can go and speak to ? Citizen Advice Bureau ? Police even ?

Thanks to the ones who will help

Poison877 wrote: »

No discrimination whatsoever try to understand my position : I am just worried for her safety this is all , she is very thin and he is a quite big lad.
She is a supervisor but she can't fire him only manager can.

In addition to this : please let's try not to steer the conversation away from what I've asked.
I am talking about someone who is very dear to me who is very worried about something to the point she is taking it at home after work , she is very very distressed about it , I just want to help.
Appreciate the discrimination/gender topic is hot at the moment , but my question has got nothing to do with it.
I came here hoping to get advice from people who are a bit more savvy/experienced than me to resolve a problem , not to get dragged into a "talk show like" conversation.

The best thing you can do is not get involved in her career as you are not an employee of theirs, your actions will undermine her position and could leave her open to disciplinary action depending on how much information she has shared with you. You can, of course, continue to support her emotionally..

As she is a manager she needs to manage this person and not simply revert to sacking mode. She needs to stand up for herself and use appropriate internal processes such as formal capability or disciplinary meetings setting out why the behaviour is unacceptable and how her staff needs to change. If she can’t, then maybe she needs to ask herself whether management or this company is right for her.

Poison877

nicechap wrote: »

The best thing you can do is not get involved in her career as you are not an employee of theirs, your actions will undermine her position and could leave her open to disciplinary action depending on how much information she has shared with you. You can, of course, continue to support her emotionally..

As she is a manager she needs to manage this person and not simply revert to sacking mode. She needs to stand up for herself and use appropriate internal processes such as formal capability or disciplinary meetings setting out why the behaviour is unacceptable and how her staff needs to change. If she can’t, then maybe she needs to ask herself whether management or this company is right for her.

Exactly.
What I don't want to happen is for her to get in trouble because of something instinctive that I could do.
Many Thanks

aife

Is he doing this in front of other people ?
If so , she should keep a record and call them as witnesses (assuming they're not all his mates..)
There's also the issue of her authority being undermined which will make it difficult for her to manage her team. She really needs to make a stand and let him know it's not going to be tolerated
i think she needs to stand up to her manager as well - if he's on site perhaps someone could discreetly call him next time this guy's kicking off so he can see for himself how bad it is
Is it a large place , or part of a chain? If it is there should be other people she can turn to for support . If it's a small family business it might be more difficult

Savvy_Sue

Poison877 wrote: »

Since last Sunday he has started shouting at her, punching the walls after she has asked him to do something, generally behaving in disrespect, banging object on the surface while she is around , telling her he hates her, refusing any invitation to talk and and so on so forth.
Nothing physical or any swearing has happened but she feels worried he might do something more seriously next time.

Does she ever have formal 1:1 meetings with members of her team? If she does, then she could raise his behaviour during one of those. "When i ask you to do something, your response is not always in line with the professional standards this job requires. For example, punching the wall after I have asked you to do something is not acceptable."

Does he ever behave like this when members of the public are present? If so, I would definitely make her manager aware of it, especially if talking to him privately has not helped.

Poison877

aife wrote: »

Is he doing this in front of other people ?
If so , she should keep a record and call them as witnesses (assuming they're not all his mates..)
There's also the issue of her authority being undermined which will make it difficult for her to manage her team. She really needs to make a stand and let him know it's not going to be tolerated
i think she needs to stand up to her manager as well - if he's on site perhaps someone could discreetly call him next time this guy's kicking off so he can see for himself how bad it is
Is it a large place , or part of a chain? If it is there should be other people she can turn to for support . If it's a small family business it might be more difficult

That's the issue : it's a small business.
I know in bigger places there are helplines , more managers and usually You get yourself heard but there it's a bit more difficult.

Socajam

Your girlfriend should catalogue this man's behaviour from the start - date and time and what was asked, what was said.
Send the letter to her manager and cc to her manager's boss. Make sure that her manager is aware that she is sending a copy to her superior.
Be polite and professional in the letter.
Let them know that she would like to have the situation resolved as a matter of urgency before things get out of hand.
Going forward she try not to be along with this employee is she can help it. If she need to speak to him, get a second person in the room for back up.

Poison877

Socajam wrote: »

Your girlfriend should catalogue this man's behaviour from the start - date and time and what was asked, what was said.
Send the letter to her manager and cc to her manager's boss. Make sure that her manager is aware that she is sending a copy to her superior.
Be polite and professional in the letter.
Let them know that she would like to have the situation resolved as a matter of urgency before things get out of hand.
Going forward she try not to be along with this employee is she can help it. If she need to speak to him, get a second person in the room for back up.

Thank You - I have wrote a letter and will post it tomorrow for her.