Elderly parent overspending

-taff

polgara wrote: »

I have suggested she sell her house and rent .

Why would she do that or even think about it? If she has no mortgage on it, it's secure and she can't be evicted from it.
TBH though, there's nothing you can do if they don't want to help themselves.
Why is she taking out insurances? Do you think she's trying to kill herself indirectly?


As above, if you can't help her, and her doctor can't help her, then leave her alone. You can't make someone act like you want them to.
You could try maybe social services as she's a vulnerable adult?

polgara

It’s mainly as the house isn’t a good environment and there is a sheltered accommodation flat available. It’s mainly as she is living beyond her means and that would give her money.

Insurance policies are on plumbing, heating, sewers, kitchen appliances - basically if someone calls her and suggests a policy she takes it.

Will give social services another go - my mother and I are now not on speaking terms as I’ve had to cut communication ties due to the level of stress and anger it makes me feel.

troubleinparadise

OP - you could round and round in ever decreasing circles trying to get your mother to take a sensible approach to her finances.

She hasn’t asked you to take care of her, however understandable your concerns are.

She has been deemed to have capacity to make her own decisions, whether foolish or profligate.

There is a relationship flaw that often exists within families of addicts,which is called codependency. You might try googling that to see if any of it appears familiar to you, and how to deal with it. Alanon exists to help the families or loved ones of alcoholics - it can be a real help. Again, perhaps look into finding a group near you.

And you wouldn’t have to pay for your mother’s funeral - there is a simple funeral available to those of no financial means at their death, so you can cross that off your long list of worries.

Your worries are understandable, but you can find a healthy way forward if you are willing to change a few things.

-taff

If she's living beyond her mean and you're suggesting selling her house to give her more money, that's enabling her behaviour.
For the insurances, maybe go through with her if she's got double cover, and sugest she changes her hpone number so they can't contact her.
I understand it's difficult as you feel responsibl but sometimes, you cannot change what they do, only your response to it. You are not responsible for your mothers choices, and if the situation is making you ill, step back, pass it to someone who is more used to dealing with it and doesn't have family ties to consider when dealing with them.
Good luck to you and to her.

maman

thorsoak wrote: »

Is your worry that she is eating into capital that she has saved over the years? Why should she not do so? I'm speaking as a 75 year old - and as long as I can pay my bills, what I do with the rest of my money has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

Les79 wrote: »

That is, in my opinion, a very valid point of view (though a bit selfish in one respect if you deprive your dependants of capital, though you are entitled to do so).

I'd be surprised if a 75 year old has dependents?:think:


It's a very difficult situation OP but I wouldn't advise selling the house as that would just give more spending power and one more bill to cover.

LadyDee

Perhaps her GP would refer her for an assessment by a Community Psychiatric Nurse? Such a professional could be in a position to offer appropriate support along with the backup of social services.

thorsoak

Les79 wrote: »

That is, in my opinion, a very valid point of view (though a bit selfish in one respect if you deprive your dependants of capital, though you are entitled to do so).

Selfish? Let me tell you - we helped all four children with deposits for their first homes, I pay into ISAs (only a few pounds admittedly but have done so since they were born) in each of my grandchildrens' names, I've already paid for my funeral - so where is the selfishness? I - and my lovely OH before he died - worked hard (and I am still working actually) and if I want to go on lovely holidays, if I want to buy plants for my gardens, treats for friends - then why the mary ellen should I not do so? I am proudly SKI-ing (spending the kids' inheritance). My children have my love - and my grandchildren will have whatever is left after I go.

POPPYOSCAR

Les79 wrote: »

That is, in my opinion, a very valid point of view (though a bit selfish in one respect if you deprive your dependants of capital, though you are entitled to do so).


OP's situation seems to be more about actually FUNDING said lifestyle to an extent. Paying off debts for the mother, and paying for otherwise "normal" bills for the mother (satellite/broadband). Probably more akin to you blowing your capital, then running up a few credit cards and then knocking on the door of your children for bailouts.


OP, I would seek out alcohol/smoking support groups if I were you. I have gambling problems (under control), but I know that GA (which is what I use) have something called "Gamanon" which is aimed at family members of people who have gambling problems. Pretty sure there will be something similar for you like.

Selfish?

Really?

Spending your own money.

thorsoak

Maybe I should also add that we paid towards each of their weddings as well! :-D

kangoora

Totally unrelated to the topic but is the OP a David Eddings fan?