Family Member owing money

GrannyW100

I will leave it there then. I can appreciate people's opinions differ from mine but people need to take responsibility for their own debts - I was and I'd like to think that others would be similar but, as it seems, obviously not.

stripeyfox

Should she pay it back, morally? - Yes, of course

Will she/ can she pay it back - No

It doesn't leave you with many choices really. Perhaps the only benevolent thing you can do is to be compassionate and tell her you don't want it back

ev8

GrannyW100 wrote: »

I will leave it there then. I can appreciate people's opinions differ from mine but people need to take responsibility for their own debts - I was and I'd like to think that others would be similar but, as it seems, obviously not.

Actually, this is exactly what I was saying. People need to take responsibility for their own debt, and you shouldn't have stepped in when she was already in debt.
She already couldn't afford her debts, so she was never going to be able to afford to pay you back, which you knew and told your husband not to do it.

And then what you say applies to you too. This is your debt, even if you took it out for her, it's now your debt and your responsibility.

warby68

The money is one thing but I think that its the dishonesty, manipulation and failure to even apologize that can hurt more. That's why the advice is not to do it. Gift it by all means but don't lend it.

If the niece had answered the phone, apologized , explained or even acknowledged the debts whether or not she could ever pay, I suspect it would go a surprisingly long way whereas the complete and utter blocking of people who have done exceptional things for her adds insult to injury several times over.

I assume OP is feeling this aspect, she's already said what's done is done as far as the loan goes.

John_G_Jones

GrannyW100 wrote: »

I will leave it there then. I can appreciate people's opinions differ from mine but people need to take responsibility for their own debts - I was and I'd like to think that others would be similar but, as it seems, obviously not.

They should, and most do, but if you read back over the posts of some of those commenting above they have a history of telling people in effect that they should not worry if they are struggling to pay someone back.

One poster in particular above has a default position (pun intended) that they immediately go to, telling everyone not to even bother looking for ways to repay, and just to get on with their lives.

You have my sympathies, but personal responsibility by borrowers is not generally encouraged on this board.

datlex

To be harsh, it seems to me it is the fault of your husband and his daughter for getting themselves into this situation. Quite frankly, they must have lied on the loan applications about the reasons for wanting the loans. When any one takes out a long they should consider whether they can pay it off and not have anything to show at the end of the loan period. An example is a car loan with a car depreciating in value depending on the length of the loan, the car may be worthless at the end of the loan period. Giving away the loaned money is the same, you have nothing to show at the end of the loan period.

rockabillygirl

I just wanted to pass on my sympathies for your situation. I've been in your position and it's horrible to be let down in this way by someone you care for, and to find out that morally they are lacking.

System

Family owing money to each other is probably the worst situation. Hats off for stepping up to help a family member struggling. Sadly there is not much you can do. You at the of the day rely on your family being honourable and respect what you have done. My father did the same to my nan (his mum). I can only suggest that when she is back on her feet you offer her a roof over her head and charge accordingly to collect the money back for yourselves and then everyone else she owes. Otherwise its a case of writing it off. Dont fall out over it though. You never know what the future brings, 20 years time she could be helping you.

iolanthe07

I have 'lent' money to family members in the past, but never expected to get it back, so have neither been surprised nor upset when the inevitable happens. You have to regard such 'loans' as gifts.

Mr.Generous

Interesting thread, I might be cold hearted but unless my niece or nephew had no parents I would expect them to step up and sort it out.

I mean the loan in the first place sorry. I would for my kids if I had to, but they have managed alright so far. I wouldn't for other relatives unless there were special circumstances.


But then again, Mr Generous is named with a degree of sarcasm, so maybe I'm just a tight sod.