Split after 23 years. Don't know where to start??

Jackboy

Hi,

I found out my wife was having an affair about 6 months ago. She left soon after and has just purchased a house with her new partner.

My son (aged 19 and in a paid apprenticeship) and I are still in the family home and I feel it's about time I sorted out divorce / finances etc but have no idea where to start or where I stand.

We have not spoken since she left and we do not know where she is living (although I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to find out if need be).

There is approx. 2 -3 years left on the mortgage - my wife is still paying 1/2.

When she left she took all our savings (approx. £20k) and was the main earner (she earned £31k, I earn £21k).

Ideally I'd like to keep the house but I've had it valued and would not be able to afford to pay the mortgage on 1/2 the current value (I'm guessing I'd need to pay her 1/2?)

I've been told that I would have some claim on her NHS pension. Although I'd rather not do this, if it would give me some bargaining power against the house, I would consider it.


Any advice would be gratefully received.

Thanks in advance...

tacpot12

If your wife has an NHS pension, this is a valuable asset, as it is index-linked and totally safe. Depending on your own pension provisions, you might receive up to half her NHS pension . The following link may be of use:

https://www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/employer-hub/technical-guidance/divorce-or-dissolution-civil-partnership

Do you have any proof that the savings existed? e.g. old bank statements? If so, you should be able to recover half of these savings as part of the settlement.

To keep the house, you would need to pay her half the value of the house. If you can't afford the mortgage, then you might swap her pension assets for more equity in the house. If this still doesn't make remortgaging possible, then you will have to sell the house and purchase somewhere smaller with the equity. I would imaging that agreeing to sell the house when the mortgage is cleared will not be too much of a problem for your ex-wife, and this will allow time for your son to decide where he is going to live. You might find that in three years time he will want, and be able to afford, his own place. This will greatly simplify your own decision.

You are propbably going to need legal support to get this settlement agreed, so I would visit a couple of local solicitors to get an idea about the cost.

You could also have a read of this:
https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

Jackboy

Thank you tacpot12, I think I'll make a solicitors appointment in the next week or so.

We had separate savings accounts in our own names to save for different things, so I won't have any proof of savings although I'm guessing a solicitor would be able to request details of any bank account details?

Thanks again

Money_maker

Was the 20K in a savings account in her name alone?

LilElvis

Whilst she may have taken the savings you still have all the furniture etc in the house, unless she took half when she left. All assets will be considered when negotiating the financial split.

Jackboy

Yes, the savings were in her name only.

I have got all the furniture etc. I was just hoping that the savings in her account would offset that without the need for me to have find any further money in additional to the mortgage.

Gavin83

Also don't forget to consider that she now owns 50% (presumably) of another property. I also wouldn't dismiss her pension, it's likely to be the biggest asset in this divorce by quite some way, assuming she's been working for the NHS for most of her working life.

Primrose

You might want to consider whether taking in a lodger, even if it's Monday to Friday would help raise some extra fund to assist with any offer to buy out her equity in the house especially if she imminently stops contributing to your mortgage if she is also contributing towards a new property.

She might rightly claim that she had a right to 50% of that income but if yiou don,t know where shes living it seems unlikely she would come visiting unless your son has contact and tells her at some point.

You don,t mention how your son has been affected by all this. I hope he is receive adequate emotional support. It will have been a big shock to find that all his childhood support has suddenly been ripped away from him.

Jackboy

Thanks Primrose - it has been very hard on him (and my daughter, although she is older and no longer living at home) and he hasn't taken it very well at all. We have a great relationship and he is talking to me although he finds it difficult talking about the situation with his Mum. I've given him details of support groups and have given him a few options of telephone support lines etc. and he's getting there slowly. Thanks for asking

Primrose

The question of possibly having to sell the house and your son losing the roof over his head will be an additional burden surely worrying him at the moment. Would delaying a potential divorce give you more breathing time?

By all means investigate all the financial and legal options availablebut possibly keep your powder dry. Economic conditions are not generally favourable for selling property at the moment with the uncertainty of Brexit affecting the housing market, with many house valuations being lower than they were this time last year. This would work in your favour of course if you were able to afford to buy your wives out with a lower valuation.

If your wife,s NHS pension is taken into account in any financial divorce deal timing may be crucial in deciding when to make a move

Jackboy

We have spoken about it and he'd rather not move, but he knows we may need to eventually.

I'm not really in any rush, I just thought it was time I got on with things. But as you say, if house prices are low at the moment maybe it is the right time.