Splitting the Assets

SevenOfNine

It's a shame your husband's actions have resulted in upset & a feeling of insecurity for you. Does he understand that this deceit was unacceptable? Are you sure he isn't concealing depression from you?

Reading the comfortable financial circumstances of SiL I might have said maybe it was a lovely gesture between brother & sister, but given that there is every indication that there's no love lost between you & her, now I'm thinking perhaps her aim in agreeing to this uneven shareout was to create an element of discord between you & your husband. She could easily afford it & if so she's definitely scored a bullseye.

If you are certain there has been no restriction on the property & you are still joint tenants, then perhaps SiL will get less satisfaction if you grit your teeth & say "what a lovely gift", & book a great holiday for the family using money that would have been used to pay 2 or 3 months mortgage.

Keep_pedalling

PrettyWoman wrote: »

Definitely not trying to stir up trouble and of course I am grateful to be mortgage free but since I discovered in October that the SIL had effectively contributed £50,000 to the pot to make that happen I’ve been worrying about what would happen if she ever asked for it back. From the replies on here it would seem that she can’t do that so our home wouldn’t appear to be at risk and that is the only reassurance I need to sleep a bit easier.

Since my husband told me he did it without asking me because he knew I wouldn’t agree it has left me feeling extremely vulnerable as to what else he could do. For all I know he might decide to sell the house tomorrow and as his inheritance has paid for it I’d pretty much be penniless and homeless 🤷!♀️ Not a situation you think you’ll find yourself in as you’re just about to turn 50!

That’s not how the divorce laws work and he cannot do that as the house is a matrimonial asset and regardless of who paid for what the starting point is 50/50 unless the marriage is a very short one.

Mojisola

SevenOfNine wrote: »

are you sure HE hasn't taken that course of action, having taken additional monies from his sister in the form of an official loan, legally watertight.

In which case should he die before you there would be a debt against his estate which would have to be repaid.

PrettyWoman wrote: »

since I discovered in October that the SIL had effectively contributed £50,000 to the pot to make that happen I’ve been worrying about what would happen if she ever asked for it back.

From the replies on here it would seem that she can’t do that so our home wouldn’t appear to be at risk and that is the only reassurance I need to sleep a bit easier.

If the extra money was an outright gift, she can't - but if it's been given as a loan, she could.

It's strange that your husband's inheritance was paid directly to the mortgage company and not to his bank account.

PrettyWoman

Mojisola wrote: »

If there's nothing to hide, why wouldn't your husband share the estate information and accounts with you?

I’ve never asked to see them to be honest as it’s between him and his sister. As far as I was concerned it’s their inheritance and as long as the five grandsons got what was due I was quite happy.

In chronological order my husband said he was going to ask his sister for more than 50%, I said don’t do it as it will cause problems, he agreed with me, the house was sold, our mortgage was discharged with the proceeds of the sale, I then discovered that 50% of the proceeds was not enough to discharge our mortgage hence the unequal split. It is an incredibly kind and generous gift and I just want to be sure it can never be reclaimed as I don’t want to live with it hanging over me. At least with a mortgage you have an end date and you know once it’s paid then the house is yours and that’s that!

PrettyWoman

SevenOfNine wrote: »

It's a shame your husband's actions have resulted in upset & a feeling of insecurity for you. Does he understand that this deceit was unacceptable? Are you sure he isn't concealing depression from you?

Reading the comfortable financial circumstances of SiL I might have said maybe it was a lovely gesture between brother & sister, but given that there is every indication that there's no love lost between you & her, now I'm thinking perhaps her aim in agreeing to this uneven shareout was to create an element of discord between you & your husband. She could easily afford it & if so she's definitely scored a bullseye.

If you are certain there has been no restriction on the property & you are still joint tenants, then perhaps SiL will get less satisfaction if you grit your teeth & say "what a lovely gift", & book a great holiday for the family using money that would have been used to pay 2 or 3 months mortgage.

My husband has little idea how his actions have affected me. He’s very pragmatic and just repeats the mantra “I did it for us, for our financial security, I thought it was for the best, I thought I was doing a nice thing” All that is true but what he doesn’t see is that discussing something with me, us then agreeing on a course of action, and then him acting completely unilaterally, albeit to our advantage, makes me feel like I am not part of this relationship. I’m quite independent, have always worked and contributed equally financially to our marriage so for him to make a solo decision about our home is quite hurtful to me.
He says that I refuse to acknowledge his depression but when he hasn’t been diagnosed as he refuses to go to the doctor I do find it hard to understand. He is a naturally pessimistic person, has no real friends or social life and lives for his work. I’m not sure whether he is depressed or just sad, really properly sad, that maybe his life isn’t what he wanted or expected but he is the only one with the power to change it and he isn’t willing to try 🤷!♀️ Sorry this has turned into a bit of counselling now 😉

To answer your other point we purchased a brand new caravan last August and sited it on a permanent pitch. At that point I was unaware that he’d taken money from his sister and now I’m riddled with guilt over our purchase as if I were her I’d be saying errr, I’ll have my money back now as if you can afford to buy a caravan you could have carried on paying your mortgage 🤷!♀️

PrettyWoman

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

That’s not how the divorce laws work and he cannot do that as the house is a matrimonial asset and regardless of who paid for what the starting point is 50/50 unless the marriage is a very short one.

We’ve been married 21 years this year!

PrettyWoman

Mojisola wrote: »

If the extra money was an outright gift, she can't - but if it's been given as a loan, she could.

It's strange that your husband's inheritance was paid directly to the mortgage company and not to his bank account.

I know my husband requested a redemption figure and gave it to the solicitors who were dealing with FIL estate and the mortgage was redeemed by CHAPS as he said there was an extra charge for that. I suppose by redeeming the mortgage directly it saved paying the money into his account for him to then have to send it to the mortgage people. I don’t see anything underhand in this unless somebody else does 🤷!♀️

Mojisola

PrettyWoman wrote: »

I know my husband requested a redemption figure and gave it to the solicitors who were dealing with FIL estate and the mortgage was redeemed by CHAPS as he said there was an extra charge for that. I suppose by redeeming the mortgage directly it saved paying the money into his account for him to then have to send it to the mortgage people. I don’t see anything underhand in this unless somebody else does 🤷!♀️

This could have been made up from just his inheritance or a combination of his money and a loan from his sister.

Broadyx

PrettyWoman wrote: »

I have absolutely no idea and will check that out. Are houses not registered when they are built? Our house is 19 years old and we’ve lived here for 13 years, all that is probably completely irrelevant 😉

It doesn't mean your house isn't registered. It is quite common to request the deeds from the bank that held the mortgage upon redemption - since 2007 (I think) deeds were no longer held at the bank so this process wouldnt have been necessary. However the fact you were able to request them, and you have subsequently received them, means your property is registered at the Land Registry.

For peace of mind you could always do the check being suggested by many others to ensure theres no clauses or charges in your deeds that mean the SIL can have a claim on it in the future, but to be honest, all sounds above board to me.

When I worked in mortgage redemptions we often had funds coming directly from the solicitor dealing with the estate of a deceased. For a large sum of money, I would be more concerned if it was paid into his account and then immediately out again to repay the mortgage (think money laundering). The way it has been done has left a clear audit trail of the funds should any questions ever be raised in the future!

Mojisola

Broadyx wrote: »

However the fact you were able to request them, and you have subsequently received them, means your property is registered at the Land Registry.

No, it doesn't.

When we paid off out mortgage, we had the deeds back from the building company because the house belonged to us.

We did a voluntary first registration at the Land Registry some years later.