Learning to live within my means

astrocytic_kitten

Finding things tough today. Doctor told me I need to find a less stressful job or my health will continue to get worse. But I’m locked into my current salary to pay the debt, I’ve been keeping an eye out and I’d be looking at a 10-15k per year drop as a best case scenario and likely more.

Which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the debt I’ve built up by being stupid. As it is, I’m stuck. I need the salary to pay the debt, but I also need to spend on physios etc to keep me well enough to continue earning the salary.

My 5 year plan has been to pay off debt, learn to drive, save up an emergency fund, move out of the city to somewhere further out on the train line with a small garden, and go part time at work. I’m wondering if I can manage all that though.

astrocytic_kitten

Can’t believe it’s a month since I last updated. It’s been a horrible time, with the death of a close friend, grieving, and feeling very sad and depressed. I spiralled into old habits and put £300 onto the balance transfer card, all on clothes.

So. I’ve returned what I can, and cut things to the bone this month to get the remaining balance paid off while also making my normal repayments. And my annual bonus has gone to the loan too, so I am finally below the £20k bracket. I’d probably feel happier about it if I didn’t remember passing this point in the way up, being horrified I owed so much, feeling sick and ashamed, swearing to myself I’d sort it out.... then continuing to get into another £5k of debt before LBM.

in_need_of_direction

It happens, you’ve addressed it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead focus on the massive amount cleared in 5 months

astrocytic_kitten

Thanks In need of direction, you’re right...I’ll reach 20% paid off next month, and will soon be able to start throwing an extra £125 per month at it on top of what I’m already paying - will be debt free by the end of 2021, barring disasters.

Talking of disasters, I’ve decided to give full time work another year, paying off as much debt as I can, and will then reassess. If I get a really good chunk paid off in the next year it might make the part time maths a bit easier.

In the meantime I need to keep as well as I can and really commit to gentle exercise, physio, eating healthily, trying to see keep up a social life, and getting outside to see some green stuff most days. While also keeping up with work and pacing myself to get enough rest. I don’t feel like I’ve ever got the hang of pacing really.

Today I am going to start as I mean to go on by getting dressed and going outside to get some vitamin D and breathe fresh air. Will go for either a gentle swim or a yin yoga class, and then make something for dinner with all the spinach in my fridge. Will absolute not continue with current trajectory, which is lying on sofa in dressing gown with cat curled up next to me messing around online (which always leads to wanting to buy clothes).

Most of the high value online auction items I had to sell are gone, but I’m thinking that for a couple of months I might divert any money from that to a small treat fund for myself to try to keep me on the moneysaving straight and narrow. Will also give me an incentive to plug through listing everything that will go for a relatively small amount.

astrocytic_kitten

I always knew I was an emotional spender, but not spending my way out of the grief and sadness this time round (other than the blip) is really bringing that home to me. It sounds daft, but it almost feels like a physical need - like my brain is telling me I absolutely must have some new things, and that will make everything ok. Obviously it won’t make everything ok...

Quite illuminating really. And depressing, that this is how I’ve (not) coped with difficult feelings my entire adult life!

astrocytic_kitten

20% paid! DFD is coming out as 2.5 years away, I’m hopeful I can push that to only 2 years.

Getting back onto more of an even keel, have been working ridiculous hours but no travel at least, and thinking that I just need to hang on for 2 more years before cutting my hours is a relief. Feels like a manageable amount of time.

5 months into this debt busting journey, I’ve had one blip back into credit but paid that off within the month and no interest was charged. To be honest I’m not sure I’ve really changed much of my mindset yet, I’ve always been better at abstinence than moderation but I really do need to learn moderation. 6 months of debt balance continually falling hasn’t happened since I started building it up though, I’m going to try to focus on the positives for a bit.

Mrsn

You are doing amazingly well! Be proud of what you have achieved to this point. I too am emotional spender (and eater....) and I truly believe for any change to be successful the mindset has to change, the fact you are listing it and recognising ways that would sabotage you is breaking that habit! Good luck

astrocytic_kitten

So glad it’s the weekend!

In good news, I’m now (just) into the 17k bracket and will be increasing what I pay off once my payrise kicks in this month, half is going to debt and other half to funding various pots. So my DFD is now September 2021. Can’t quite believe that in 2 years I’ll be near the end of this journey!

Bad news is I’m slipping into old habits and spending WAY too much on clothes. Funding it all from cash so debt hasn’t gone up, but I’m having to really cut back in other areas to manage that and while there have been a handful of things I needed (work trip to a hot country and I don’t have a ‘summer work wardrobe’, so needed a couple of natural fabric tops and a dress so I didn’t spend the week tomato faced and with sweat patches everywhere!), most comes under the ‘nice to have’ category. I tend to channel anxiety about work meetings or trips or whatever into deciding that if I have the perfect outfit it will help, and before you know it this year I’ve spent on average £80 per month on clothes (mostly in the past couple of months). It’s ridiculous, it’s a large reason behind my debt, and I need to stop.

I seemed to do not so badly when I was trying not to spend anything, but once I had permission from myself to buy a couple of things it just spiralled. Ugh. So hoping to get back on the MSE bandwagon and back reading diaries. I just need to make sure I stop it here and it doesn’t turn into a debt spiral. I’m determined to reach the end of the year having not increased the debt even one tiny bit.

in_need_of_direction

Would it help if you created a clothes budget?

astrocytic_kitten

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Would it help if you created a clothes budget?

I have a clothes budget, believe it or not. It’s sticking to it that’s the problem :rotfl: I start out budgeting and planning to buy one new top to replace an old one, and end up buying a dress and 3 tops and cutting everything else to the bone to cover it.