Learning to live within my means

astrocytic_kitten

Thanks both, had a bit of a lightbulb moment last night and realised the only times in my life I’ve actually stuck to a budget and kept close track of my spending were (1) the past couple of years of debt paying, and (2) the times I was scraping by probably below the breadline and working to a very tight budget. As soon as I started earning what I considered a ‘good’ salary the debt just started spiralling and I had no visibility at all over how much I was spending on wants. I’d create idealistic monthly budgets and ignore that I was also overspending by hundreds each month on cards. So this feels all weird and new because it is. 

I feel a bit old to only be learning how to budget while also letting myself live a little now, but better late than never. I would genuinely like to buy less though, I don’t want to jump back on the consumerist train of buying things for the sake of it (books excepted obviously 😂). 

joedenise

The trouble is we're not taught to budget when we're younger.  I was well into my 50s with retirement looming before I realised I needed to budget in order to pay off my debts.  Previously I had been just tracking my spending which isn't the same at all.

I'm just glad I learnt before I retired and managed to be debt free by that time.

You'll find the right balance soon.

astrocytic_kitten

You're so right @joedenise, both tracking spending and working to a budget is the key when you're new to it. Thanks for your confidence in me!

savingholmes

Perhaps get one of those accounts that lets you put your money into separate pots for separate things or labels it for you as a default so you can see more easily where it's going and see if you are going over your planned spends.

astrocytic_kitten

Thanks @savingholmes, I do use YNAB religiously and have pots set up on that, so if I spend over limit in one area I need to borrow it from another. Some months I just get the ‘sod its’ though, and because my pots are all well funded at this point there’s always some money to raid. After all the mortgage discussion on GAPs diary I think I’ve decided to increase my monthly mortgage payment to make money a little tighter elsewhere. I need to take another look at it to be sure my calculations are right. If they are I’ll still have enough to live on, but it will hopefully stop the little demon in the back of my mind who seems to keep track of money and knows if there’s a little spare that could go to wants! 

[Deleted User]

Just caught up on your diary AK.  A lot of what you say resonates with me, esp the "good salary" bit and how once you're earning more, you spend more, even if you don't need to.  As you know, I got myself into an almighty mess at uni and there was no need to do so.  I remember in my halls there was a lad who was on my course and he was SO careful with money, limited his going out and used to take sandwiches into uni.  At the time we all used to laugh about it (not to his face I might add) but I bet he was laughing at the end of uni when he hadn't frittered away all his money on over priced sarnies!!!

I really do need to wind my own spending in so am back following peeps on here for inspiration!

Good idea to overpay your mortgage if you can, you probably won't notice you're missing a bit of cash but it will make a huge difference in time.

astrocytic_kitten

I used to work with someone very similar in one of my first jobs Rebecca, when we went out for food she’d drink water and have the cheapest thing on the menu with a separate bill and be upfront that she didn’t have much money, and honestly at the time I judged her quite intensely inside my head. I was firmly in the mindset that the right and correct thing to do was get into debt to keep up with people rather than admit I was skint 🤦‍♀️ Now I’m learning the joys of being open and honest with friends that I can’t afford something and having them admit the same, I wonder how it has taken me so many years to get there and I’m impressed she was so mature. You’d think having come from a poor background I’d have been more sorted but it absolutely wasn’t the case.

I’ve been thinking about mortgages a lot lately. I could be mortgage free in 10 years (all being well) if I stay where I am, but I’m finding it hard to get excited about that because I can’t stay here long term and will need somewhere on the ground floor I can access with mobility aids (to be honest I need it now), and that means increasing my mortgage and probably being lucky to pay it off in 20 years. 

Or I could move out of the city to a small town nearby….but while I love the community in the bit of the city I live in now and that I know my neighbours, I have an absolute horror of living in the sort of town I grew up in where everyone knows everyone else’s business and there’s lots of gossip and judging. The other option is to move to another city that I used to live in and that is slightly cheaper than my current one, which would have the benefit of all the shops, drs, green space, etc on my doorstep…but where I only have one good friend left living there and I’m not well enough to do all the making friends in a new city things I’d normally do to settle in. And the thought of finding a new dr, vet, transferring to a new consultant, etc is exhausting. So I’m a bit stalled on all the major life decisions, but doing what I can to pay my current mortgage down seems sensible even if I can’t get excited about it because I know I’ll probably ended up adding more to it!

girlatplay

I don't feel at all that I am in my forever home.  I've made no secret of it in my life that I want a house with a garden and have done for pretty much, well, forever.  My thoughts are that I can't afford to move at the moment but if I keep trying then I hopefully will in the future so in the meantime I'm going to work towards that moment.  That includes paying down the mortgage and getting the decor up to scratch.  When the moment arrives (and I believe it will) I will be ready.

It helps that I'm not a spender.  I don't care for keeping up with the Joneses.  I have never been stylish so I don't worry too much about what I wear.  I want to fit in and not look unusual so my wardrobe contains jeans, tops and a couple of dresses.  I don't go out much and when I do I'm not bothered about wearing the same outfit more than once.

I have what I need in my flat for cooking, cleaning, sitting, watching, etc.  My biggest regular expense is my grocery bill.

I bought two chests of drawers about two weeks ago to replace two which were still in working order at that point.  I just wanted something different and new.  A lot of my stuff is second hand.  It gives me extreme joy when I walk into my bedroom and see them.  I know I will get that feeling for a long time to come.  Do you feel like that when you see the new things that you have bought?

Paying down the mortgage is a daunting thought so I don't think if it in terms of paying off £87k, I think of it as my current balance is £87k and in two years when my fixed deal ends it will be about £84.5k.  Is there a way I can get it to under £84k? If I really pushed it could I get it to £80k?  The latter is unlikely but I want to challenge myself as much as possible.

All of this brings me far more excitement than buying "stuff" which will clutter the house and reduce my ability to reach my goals.

I'm not perfect, I have £40 a week for random spends which starts on a Friday. I have £6 left out of this week's £40 and I still have about £20 worth of things I need to buy, plus it's only Sunday 🙈

Sorry for the novel, just wanted to explain what it all means to me.

astrocytic_kitten

This is incredibly helpful GAP, thank you for taking the time. And it's made me realise that I'm doing a lot better than I thought.

I've been working over the past year to fix some little issues in the flat, paint etc (I say I, it's been a combination of handyman and friends) also with a view to selling - but that combined with the huge clear out I did a couple of years ago means I now really love my flat. After I paid off my debt I bought a few things I'd been wishing for a while, and now I feel happy when I walk into every single room. Thinking about that, I've realised I've made very considered purchases this year. There's been a couple of things in clothes that in retrospect I could have done without but everything else has been needed, filled a gap and I've loved it. 

To be honest, part of the reason I'm struggling a bit with moving is because I love my flat so much and it's now exactly the way I want it. I can't really afford something in amazing condition in the sort of areas I'm looking at, but I don't have much of an appetite to start over again making a home either. Needs must though.

On the general spendiness, I do love clothes (have a bit of a break from wanting to spend on anything other than underwear and some casual clothes to fill gaps at the moment because I'm not doing anything or going anywhere, and I have a lot of lovely work dresses etc in my wardrobe I can't wait to be able to wear again), and also books and plants. But I use the library heavily for books, followed by kindle 99p deals and then mostly second hand books. I did go into a bit of a diversion buying some really beautiful full price books earlier this year but after spilling tea on one of them yesterday I'm thinking its back to the secondhand options!

I've spent a lot so far this year on plants and plant pots.... I have lots and lots of plants and I love caring for them, watering them, propagating them. It's great for my mental health and it makes me happy. It's probably a good spend to keep for that reason. The average will also decrease over the rest of the year, I don't plan to buy any more plants this year and won't need any growing stuff till next spring. I've spent a lot on decorative pots this year but it involved a lot of searching for exactly what I was looking for and I do feel happy when I see the plants in them, and when I see all the green in each room.

So I've come a long way from the bad old days of spending to keep up with people, or for the sake of it, or because I was bored or emotional or filling a gap. I've never put it all together like that before, and I've been feeling guilty for the spending I've been doing, but I've had a pretty big mindset shift in what I'm buying without even noticing. 

Now if I can only stop eating ice cream every time I'm bored or emotional or filling a gap I'll be sorted 😂

savingholmes

You have made fab progress. You've rewarded yourself for becoming debt-free. Now it sounds like it's time to tackle the mortgage so that it gives you options about where to live when you are ready.