Flatmate issue

Redhaze

I've just had a new flatmate move in and I need to have what probably isn't going to be an easy conversation with her. This evening I had a bath and when I got out she was in the living room eating her dinner and watching her tablet (odd as there is a TV in there, but I digress..). I have an incredibly bad back and it's painful for me to sit in my room on the bed as opposed to on a sofa. I also (without being horrible) do not wish to have a close relationship with her. She seems very nice but I just like a lot of time to myself and pretty much want to do my own thing when I am at home. So I was thinking I'd tell her that I would prefer it if she doesn't use the living room, unless I am out. My parents own the flat so I would think that this gives me a degree of seniority.

When I was a lodger I respected that the living room was my landlady's space and rarely went in there. I mentioned this to my boyfriend and he said "there is no way of saying that to her that won't make her feel unwelcome" so I really don't know what to do. If I don't say something I know I'll get resentful about being relegated to my room and I don't really have any desire to hang out or watch TV with her. How can I get my point across without upsetting her? Any and all help would be much appreciated.

gardner1

Now if was renting a room in your flat i would expect to have access to kitchen,bathroom.toilet and lounge area

FIRSTTIMER

TBH I have NEVER ever known any one of my friends rent a room and then be forced to hibernate by the landlord. Next time advertise it that way - and then maybe see what response you get.

coffeehound

Was it made clear to her that she was a second-class tenant when she took on the lease? That sort of clause should have been made clear at the time.

Finchy2018

Did you advertise the place with use of common areas?

Also, doesn't sound like you want a 'flatmate

elsien

Redhaze wrote: »

I've just had a new flatmate move in and I need to have what probably isn't going to be an easy conversation with her. This evening I had a bath and when I got out she was in the living room eating her dinner and watching her tablet (odd as there is a TV in there, but I digress..). I have an incredibly bad back and it's painful for me to sit in my room on the bed as opposed to on a sofa. I also (without being horrible) do not wish to have a close relationship with her. She seems very nice but I just like a lot of time to myself and pretty much want to do my own thing when I am at home. So I was thinking I'd tell her that I would prefer it if she doesn't use the living room, unless I am out. My parents own the flat so I would think that this gives me a degree of seniority.

When I was a lodger I respected that the living room was my landlady's space and rarely went in there. I mentioned this to my boyfriend and he said "there is no way of saying that to her that won't make her feel unwelcome" so I really don't know what to do. If I don't say something I know I'll get resentful about being relegated to my room and I don't really have any desire to hang out or watch TV with her. How can I get my point across without upsetting her? Any and all help would be much appreciated.

Giving the benefit of the doubt here, with a healthy degree of scepticism:

Quite simply you cannot ban her from the sitting room.
You have no "seniority." Have you considered getting a proper chair for your room?
Bottom line - if you don't want to have close contact with other people, don't flatshare.

Bossypants

This is the kind of thing which should have been made clear *before* she was offered the room. Assuming that you advertised for a 'flatmate', most people would expect the kitchen, lounge and bathroom to be shared areas, to be used as such (and no, it isn't odd that she was watching her tablet instead of the TV, now you're just nit-picking).

How is her contract set up? Is she renting from you or your parents? Either way, if you bring this up at this stage, then yes, it's likely things will be awkward and she could well choose to find another place to live, if the situation turns out not to suit her. Live and learn!

Guerillatoker

She probably would have turned your tablet off if you asked and then you could have just put something really boring on the TV.

Maybe you should take up a really irritating hobby, or lay off the personal hygiene for a couple weeks; you might be able to get her to make the decision not to use the living room.

reww23

Hard situation you got there, tbh, I would advise you to continue watching the TV while shes in the living room

Red-Squirrel_2

I get where you're coming from, I wouldn't want to have to share my space, or adjust my behaviour, or talk to what are essentially strangers in my own home either.

This is why I live alone, I suggest you look into that option.

AnotherJoe

The issue isn't the flatmate. Its your unrealistic expectations.