Desperate

chesky

I wonder if the OP is the problem, whether her husband and other children could go visit the grandchildren without her - seems a bit less drastic than her leaving home. They might also be able to start the reconciliation process. If the daughter in law won't even allow this, then her leaving probably won't make any difference anyway.

System

It sounds like it's deeper than the surface issue. I think DIL has used this as an excuse to punish you for something else. Sounds to me as if the trip was the straw that broke the camel's back - was there something brewing before this?


I've heard of stories like this before. Starts with "please don't take them to McDonalds" and MIL takes them anyway because she doesn't like to be told and likes to spoil them. Ends with the parents having no idea where their kids actually are. Taking them to a wedding and then on a train without actually talking to their parents is asking for at the very least a conversation about notification.

pickledonionspaceraider

There is not always more to it, as some are suggesting.

Some family members just love a bit of drama and fall out over anything trivial and certainly reasons I never understand

I was brought up in a household where grandparents, aunties , uncles, regularly were disowned for years or decades...for no real reason...Just imaginary stuff like 'She thinks shes better than us' or some other imagined slight

Not all family estrangements make sense, rhyme or reason - other than some control thing I guess

If I told you my own mother stopped speaking to me out of the blue, years ago, with no argument leading up to that - the last convo we had was perfectly normal, you would probably never believe that either.

Nowt as queer as folk and some families are seriously messed up

olgadapolga

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

If I told you my own mother stopped speaking to me out of the blue, years ago, with no argument leading up to that - the last convo we had was perfectly normal, you would probably never believe that either.

Nowt as queer as folk and some families are seriously messed up

I'd believe you because the same thing happened to my husband. His mother stopped talking to him after his dad died, having first made it perfectly clear that he was not welcome at the funeral. Actually, thinking about it, she was very cruel to him in the weeks leading up to his dad's death as well (not letting my husband visit his dad, despite his terminal illness, that sort of thing). Nasty piece of work, she is (or was, no idea if she's still alive) - just glad that she has no influence on my children.

Going back to the OP, I can understand why her DIL may have been annoyed about the train trip, especially if it had not been discussed beforehand. Of course, it may have been something else, or a series of minor events. Who knows? Only the DIL.

My MIL also used to do things that annoyed me about my children. She only ever looked after my daughter once, when she was small. It was a horrible, wet, windy night and she decided to take my almost year-old daughter for a walk up the road to see the neighbour's Christmas lights. Without putting a coat on her. When she should have been in bed. The MIL didn't say anything and I only found out as there was a pile of wet clothes lying around and my daughter was not in bed, despite it being nearly midnight when we got back. I was not at all happy and told her so, with DH's support.

It certainly did not improve our relationship as she then decided to ignore me totally whenever she came to visit us. So I told DH that he would have to take the children to their house for visits as I didn't want her in my home, if she was going to ignore me. Her husband, who was a very sweet person, used to pop in once a week without her, so that he could see everyone. He knew what his wife was like and he understood why I chose to stay away from her. She is/was pure poison.