Coming out of the shadows.....

fantasyvsreality

Feeling a bit flat today. I made a decision yesterday to back out of an opportunity to potentially make an extra 10K a year. In my debt busting years I really ran myself in to the ground taking all the work I could to clear my debt. It had a huge impact on my mental wellbeing and I promised myself that once my debt was paid I would reduce my hours and start living a life that was more positive for me. I just wanted a simple life and get out in nature and spend time with my OH. I agreed to the extra work in part because I was flattered to be asked but also because the pounds signs were pinging and I kept thinking about the mortgage.

Yesterday I realised that the stress and pressure of the extra demands was making me miserable. I'm well aware that the person leading up the work will be unimpressed and my reputation tarnished but I will have to suck it up. In the last few years I have had to except my limitations, that I can easily feel overwhelmed when I do too much. I perform much better in my work if I cap how much I do. It does mean that money will be tighter but I've had worse budgets to stick too.

I think my low mood today is simply like my diary title, fantasy vs reality, in my fantasy I can do it all in reality I am limited and can only do so much.

fantasyvsreality

Quiet day today. Spent sometime yesterday clearing our loft space of things we no longer use. Split them into piles with some stuff for freecycle and some for charity. There was a small amount to go to the dump which always makes me feel guilty! I try to remember this whenever I feel like buying something. It's so easy to chuck stuff away without considering the masses of stuff in landfill.

As I said before I started this diary as I have been a bit spendy lately and I know it is in part due to being so close to Mortgage free. I added up all the non-essential stuff I have bought this month, in the sales etc. and it came to £230. I allow myself £200 a month for entertainment/clothes/coffees/toiletries basically any non-essential stuff, so I have gone over budget plus we are only half way through the month. I always seem to be haggling with myself this month. I know clothes are my biggest weakness and despite having plenty of nice stuff, it is about the process of choosing something online and getting all excited about acquiring it. One thing I have done this month is to do an inventory of all the stuff I bought last year and ask myself if it was worth it? Did the clothes get worn much or should I have returned an item when I had the chance. I also totted up what I had spent and my goal is to spend half that this year. I know if I set too unrealistic a goal I'll freak out and go on a clothes binge.

The diary writing is really helping me. I find it keeps me mindful of my goals and also accountable for spends. I really love reading other peoples diaries and if you are reading mine then thanks for stopping by

fantasyvsreality

Had a good "make do and mend" day today. Took my favourite boots (I own only 6 pairs of shoes including running shoes!!) in to town to be re-healed. They are a lovely sloppy leather and a good make. I've owned them for a couple of years now. I had toyed with getting a new pair but part of the appeal of them is how battered they look! Cost of new heals = £12.99

I am also about to repair two duvet covers belonging to our stinky hound. Both have rips in so I bought some hemming web to make patches with some pretty bits of liberty fabric. With both the shoes and the duvet, before debt I would have just replaced them without a second thought. Far more satisfying to repair.