Ds Problems At School Only 4

julie8314dave

I have been up most of the night wondering what to do, teacher called me over after school yesterday and said that ds had been very naughty in school today, she said he was kicking, pushing, and hitting the children. ds is never like this really very happy go lucky gets on well with other children etc etc. however this has really upset me. He has a freind who although quite close to (he also lives a couple of houses away and are at the same school) who they seem to push and argue a lot. to cut a long story short, his freind can be quite sly and will whine and moan all the time, telling tales, and it is always my ds that gets caught retaliating, the other mother thinks her son is an angel and can do no wrong (her first child with another baby on the way)
my ds has complained a couple of times of kids keep pulling the hood of his jacket and running away, i put it down to playground games, he has told dinner ladies who have intervened. my dad thinks he is now behaving badly because he is retaliating and has had enough, i am not sure what to do, i do not want to be hard on him just in case he is really suffering.
anyone out there with any advice as it is breaking my heart.
xx

dee_mum_of_3

Hes 4 hes still a baby really,nowadays children are expected to behave like mini adults and its v difficult-pushing and shoving are typical in this age its not generally nastiness just learning their place in the world-meanwhile at home you need to encourage him to do tasks at home practice turn taing lining up at whistle and encouraging new friendships......by and large teachers make comments that as a teacher are run of the mill no great shakes but to a mum these induce panic stations.
I agree that these children pulling his hood are annoying him but as you can do little to change the way other children behave teach him to stay away from them- the other little boy is probably having major changes at home and whilst his issues shouldnt affect your son they are, so id encourage other friendships with other children -maybe having a friend over after school?
Hes 4! again hes still small you cant expect this to happen overnight but i bet you by february you will wonder why you ever worried.......can i also suggest......if you suspect he may have been "naughty" dont ask how hes been-a teacher worn out with a class full of small children may be quick to unload a classroom full of anxiety on you -ive seen this on both sides as a parent and as a nursery nurse-enjoy him while hes 4...........good luck hun x

pukkamum

Maybe he was just having a bad day? We all have them if this was something that was happening on a daily basis then i would worry. As a nursery nurse in a school myelf (and a parent) i know that it is the children who are normally very good then have a 'naughty' day who get jumped on by teachers as it is so out of character. Maybe the kids had just pushed him too far, if so then him retaliating is a good thing, they will think twice before doing it again! As long as it isn't a recurring problem please don't worry and i wouldn't chastise him too much as you do want him able to stick up for himself. HTH x x

Zoetoes

Same here!

I've got the same problem at the moment only my son is 6.

The last couple of weeks the teacher has said my son is being a bit too rough at play times, pushing etc.

Then last Friday at hometime my son wasn't there when I went to pick him up, the teacher told me he was inside and the head would like to see me.

Apparently he'd pulled another boy in his class off the bench but she said she was more bothered by the answer he gave when asked why he did it, which was 'to hurt him'.

Now what happened was one kid pushed my son off the bench while another jumped in my sons seat so my son grabbed both feet of the boy in his place and pulled him straight back off, a little extreme maybe but he's a kid and he was getting his place back! Obviously I told him this isn't how to deal with things etc

Anyway, I had a meeting with the head and told her that other kids do things to my son aswell but because he can handle it and doesn't cry he doesn't tell and I also said that while his answer might sound a bit shocking it was the truth and I think it is unfair to be told off for that bit, he coud have said he didn't mean to etc but that would be a lie, he was annoyed at the time and that's what he was thinking, doesn't mean he's a Mary Bell character!

Also, at first the head said something about the other kid being much younger and in a lower year group, I pointed out that they're actually in the same class it's just that the other kid comes across younger, my son seems a lot older than he is.

I find the same as you that the mums with first kids are fussing too much, kids will have incidents all the time and they need to deal with some things themselves (obviously parents need to step in for bullying etc), but I think a lot of the time the kids aren't as bothered as the parents and the parents drum into them that something is worse than it is.